What can we learn about relationships from a horse?
The horse and I navigated through the tangle of brush and logs together, each step a conscious and important act. There was precious little room for error, as the trees were closely packed and the steep slope was full of obstacles. The concentration, trust and partnership was total as we worked in concert.
I felt elevated and moved as if by grace as the large horse pivoted and turned under my saddle. Her body and mind were in tune with my intention as we negotiated a recently downed tree. The narrow and rough trail we had been following snaked down a thickly forested canyon slope.
My hands held the soft leather reins loosely yet with confidence (as I would as if I were holding a small live bird in each of my palms). I also communicated with my weight and my leg pressure and giving her a verbal confirmation when she made the movements just as I had asked.
Flash forward to another scene:
Music carried us along the line of dance as my partner matched me step for step and turn for turn. With a hand on her back, I could easily sense when she felt the beginning thought of a turn or a stop. She responded in perfect time to the movement, as she had just registered my thought in her body.
My shoulders only moved to the extent that I needed her to adjust and step with me. The distance between us was constant. She trusted me to navigate her safely through the crowded dance floor. The music moved us as one. Thought left us; we were just dancing. We flowed in connection. All we had was this perfect moment.
People naturally associate passionate dance (like tango) with sexual expression, but horse riding doesn’t generally come to mind as a similar activity.
Ah, but it’s all so similar!
Both of these activities are mainly about connection with a partner.
I can’t “make” my partner do anything. I can offer an idea through body movement, but it is she who will do the doing.
For example, when I want my dance partner’s feet to move, I communicate to her from my torso and energy. When I want my horse’s feet (or partner’s body) to move I change the rhythm and energy in my hips and hands.
When my intention and message is clear, they’ll go in the direction I’m headed. The feet or body moving well is not the issue. My partner’s heart and mind are the issue. When her heart is with me, all will flow as it should. We do not ever “fix” or “correct” our partner. I’ll never gain ground by “bossing” any of them around.
I don’t play win/lose with my partner because she is stronger in many ways.
She understands comfort and lack of comfort. She already knows how to “go.” But to “go,” she needs to be able to trust my navigation.
When my partner surrenders into trust, we flow together in motion.
When I feel my own commitment and depth, she will feel it too.
I must give her direction, otherwise she’ll have to look elsewhere for it. I must have awareness and sensitivity of her needs if I’m to ask her to follow my own and I must be worthy of her attention and devotion.
When my partner is distressed I can help her by remaining grounded and in my ease. It’s my responsibility to help her so she can work through being bothered and join me in ease.
Whether girlfriend, partner or horse, she can look to me for clarity, wisdom and certainty of direction. When I show her that my love is constant and unwavering, she will “hook on” (a horsemanship term).
As you ride/dance/make love with her, get her to be and stay with you mentally. Keep your breath full and your body strong. Keep your attention present with her, and no matter what she does, give her love.
Your only options are fear, or mastery (of yourself).
Remember that your partner will offer you truth.
Align your life with your own truth and purpose; demonstrate your masculine clarity, direction, integrity and presence. Always remember that you are not here just to please her and she is not here just to please you. Instead, you are here to pervade the world together, in harmony, with fearless consciousness.
Daka Corey is a Certified Tantra Educator and Intimacy Coach offering sessions in person and by phone in addition to workshops . He lives in San Diego, CA and is often in Los Angeles/OC and the Bay Area. His blog is www.tantracore.wordpress.com—a resource for creating a conscious intimate life and embracing intimacy.
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Ed: Brianna Bemel
Asst Editor: Kevin Macku