Soul Mates: Do You Believe? ~ Freya Watson

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“And, for a moment, they were on their own.

Although she was still talking, he found himself drawn into her eyes, conscious all of a sudden that there was another conversation taking place at a different level… Now that they were briefly alone, the unspoken connection was unmissable.

She hesitated, then stopped talking completely, pulled into his gaze. Feeling slightly awkward, she made an effort to revive the conversation, but the strength of the silence between them was too much and she gave in to it.

How long they sat like that, deeply lost in each other’s eyes, neither could tell afterwards. The energy flowed between them, growing stronger with the openness they felt towards each other. It seemed as if there were no secrets—as if on some unconscious level they each understood the other perfectly, knew the other intimately, and trusted totally. Something was growing in the silence, and both had the instinct to allow it to unfold without words, without conscious manipulation. It had a consciousness of its own….

She was aware of her heart responding to his direct gaze, could feel it opening and showing itself through her eyes. Its unexpectedness disarmed her, as did his ability to be fully present with her.

He, too, felt his heart open wide in response to the love that was wrapping itself around him, quietening his usually busy mind, awakening that secret corner deep within that hadn’t been touched in a long time…”

(from ‘The Beautiful Garden’ by Freya Watson)

Well, do you believe in soul mates? Or twin flames? It’s almost like an adult version of children believing in Santa Claus. Some fervently believe, others mock them as fools and a very small number vouch for their reality through personal experience. Which side of the fence you sit on depends very much on your own experience and psychological make-up.

Having lost someone I considered a soul mate—not through death, as some have, but through his choosing to opt out of the relationship—it left me facing that question all over again as an adult, having rejected it as a teenager.

If my soul mate had vanished from my life, and assuming as I did that we only get one, what hope did I have of a meaningful relationship for the rest of my life? How could I go back to an ‘ordinary’ relationship after having experienced that depth of connection?

I could have turned my back on the whole idea of soul mates and dismissed my experience as delusion—buried my pain in the nearest nightclub or yoga class and tried to forget. But I’d already done that once before and had found out, to my cost, that buried emotion eventually resurfaces, sometimes with destructive force. Instead, I started on my own personal quest for understanding—at least, that’s what I call it now.

At the time, all I really knew was that I had to understand what the hell this thing called soul mates was all about. I read everything I could get my hands on, from esoteric writings on twin flames, to channeled material on soul mates, to heart-wrenching stories of soul mates that wreaked havoc in their wake. It was all so varied but with a few common themes that I recognized from my own experience.

They all had a sense of being preordained, as if something or someone had orchestrated the relationship before the couple had met. A sense of fate, karma, destiny, had brought them together—although those terms didn’t sit easily with me.

They all had an extraordinary depth of understanding and connection, too, that couldn’t be explained through common interest or any other superficial analysis of the relationship. These weren’t relationships that had developed slowly over time as a couple met at the counter of Starbucks every Saturday and started talking about their favorite music.

And they all seemed anchored in a place that was beyond physical and romantic attraction, as if they knew each other from beyond time and space.

In the years since then, I’ve come to understand that we do very much attract what we believe in—although that doesn’t mean that grace can’t intervene at times and surprise us.

The more open we are to our own inner landscape, the more deeply we can connect with another and they with us. And the more sensitive we become to the flow of energy in ourselves as well as between ourselves and others, the more able we are to develop a relationship which is beyond the material world—which is where soul mate relationships really exist.

The first time my current partner came to stay, it was as if we had always known each other, although I had no idea what he ate or any of the other ordinary details of his life. We knew where the relationship was heading and had a sense our role was to find a way of bringing it down into this reality from where it already existed, somewhere out there rooted at the level of spirit or soul.

So when I’m asked now whether I believe in soul mates or twin flames, I usually ask a question in return—what do you mean by the terms? Do you mean someone with whom you have a pre-birth agreement to spend your life? Do you mean someone special with whom you can have a deep and loving relationship? Do you mean someone who touches you so deeply that they push all your buttons, forcing you to grow and mature in uncomfortable ways? However you answer these questions, my own, unequivocal answer is still yes—I believe there are people out there who can meet us in all of these ways, depending on what it is that we are looking for.

And my experience is that we can have that depth of connection with more than one person during our lives, sometimes for short periods of time and sometimes in a way that invites us to set up home with them. The more we deliberately seek to create this depth in ourselves—through meditative reflection, developing self-awareness, cultivating openness and deliberately tuning into the vibration of love – the more we find that soul mate connection with others appearing in our lives.

The caveat I would add is: be aware of what you are asking for! Finding a soul mate is only one part of the story. Bringing that connection into the messy, day-to-day reality of friendship, or even marriage—bill-paying, career and family building, sharing living space and friends—is a different and longer part of the story.  And so is dealing with the aftermath of such a connection if it doesn’t last the pace (something which has fueled my current project, ‘Letters to a Lost Lover’).

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Ed: Sara Crolick

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Freya Watson

How we ground our heart-felt truths into the everyday experience of relationships, work and family is the foundation for a lot of my work. Finding our ‘truth’ is a challenge in itself, but living it day to day is an even bigger challenge.

My books are available on Amazon and you can also find me on Facebook and read more on my blog.

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anonymous Jun 25, 2014 7:26pm

I’m so glad that I’m not alone in my suffering. I lost my Soulmate to someone with money. She wanted material things I couldn’t give Her. Now she has all those things.its been 24yrs. And I often wonder,if is sorry for what she left behind(Me)? I am so totally distroyed by this… She’s all I think about day and night.she is my True Genuine Soulmate Forever.the passing of time does nothing to change how I feel about Her. I believe you only get(1) Soulmate,and its. Forver through out all Eternity. I will Never be whole,and complete without Her! We receive a Soulmate Marriage,complete with two glowing orbs joining our Hearts&souls togeather. Then experience Her withdrawing from me the day she got married.a invisible hole was cut below my Heart,and it felt like water running out,for about 3 minutes. The Terrible dispare,and Emptiness is immeasureable! If I were to be given all the wealth,and power in the world,it would mean Nothing! That Emptiness cannot be filled! I’m near the End of my life now,and my Hope is waneing. If you would have asked me before about Soulmates,I would have laughed at you. Nothing,so Deep,so Forever,and so Supernatural ,has ever touch me so deep,to the depths of Soul….(*)

    anonymous Apr 18, 2015 4:45pm

    I'm sorry Ed. Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing your pain.

anonymous Jan 4, 2014 1:52pm

Thank you for this great article. This question is one I have considered often in my life laterlt. I am in a polyamorous lifestyle with two amazing men who I have a deep spiritual bond with both. I don't need to go look for the ONE as I have two nurturing supportive. relationships. I feel when people say the one they mean they want the NRE. NRE always changes and I wouldn't have it any other way.

anonymous Aug 21, 2013 8:23pm

Thank You Sooooooooooo Much For Sharing!!!!! Hummmmm, Really, Really Big Sigggghhhhhhhhhh, Its's Soooo Refreshing To See That Others Really Do Get It. Unfortunately, This Is Not A Subject That The A Mind, Dominated By EGO Can Ever Grasp, It Is Beyond The Physical. All Of The External Is Created From Within, and When Experinced, This LoVE Is Greater Then What Can Ever Be Expressed With Written Words.

All My Best, ♥ ღ ઇઉ ღ ♥

anonymous Aug 19, 2013 4:02pm

Thank you for sharing your story and perspective on this. Over time I've come to accept that you can have these deep soul connections with more than one person, as you mention too (even if each one feels so uniquely in-sync, cosmic if you may). I guess what I keep learning is to allow these connections to be themselves, to try not to control/judge/define what arises. Sometimes it can be so overwhelming, powerful, blissful that it's hard not to try and control the outcome – and still it always ends up taking its own course. Funny how the only thing I can control is how much I open up and let go – the more of which gifts both of us some kind of upgrade, mastery. I enjoyed reading the excerpt from your book. It is an honest portrait of soul encounters. Love will move us where we need to go. 🙂

    anonymous Aug 20, 2013 4:18am

    Thanks, Kat. It is definitely tempting to want to label and control the connections when they hit so deep but you're so right – the only thing we can control is how much we open up and let go.

anonymous Aug 19, 2013 3:42pm

@Emily – I can feel your wordst! Yes.. everyone does have free will… however, if a set of TFs are truly meant to be together in all bodies in this lifetime, they will continue to find their way back to one another. If they are not together it means that they are not ready. I don't know how many times I felt I was "ready" and the more mine would run. After every episode of 'running' I learned that there was something within myself I too, was running from.

The hard part is understanding and knowing that this connection goes beyond the physical unification. It is beyond form. It starts at the level of the soul – in every other dimension before it makes its way to human form. There is no real accepting that they may never be a part of your life, because they are always there, no matter what. There is only letting go, and surrendering to the Divine. If it is meant to happen it will. The only thing we can do is continue loving our own selves. The rest is up to the Universe. Having a TF reject you feels like a death. It's like Twins that are separated – even if they never knew each other – they ALWAYS know they have a part of them out there – it's the spider sense of intuition. The same goes with Twin Flames. I know exactly what you mean about not really wanting anything else – but we also have to continue to keep our hearts open – because every single person that comes into that space offers a lesson to learn and an opportunity to grow – and if our hearts are closed to such things they are also closed to the TF.

I wish I could offer more… I would say research all you can on TFs and what you are experiencing. The more you know, the more you will know why things happen. It sure doesn't make it any easier but it does help. I know what you are feeling!

anonymous Aug 19, 2013 12:35pm

Oh this hit quite close to home… "But through his choosing to opt out of the relationship"… That is much more eloquent than I've been able to describe my experience as, which generally goes more along the lines of "he's a fool and completely terrified of the connection" (which he admitted to…). And yet, he's still gone. I'm still trying to grapple with the idea of ever being able to accept or even WANT another relationship after having felt the way I did with him. It rocked me to my core and I have not been the same since.

How do you go about accepting that he may never be a part of your life again? Or even how to be ok with the fact that another relationship, while not being as other-worldly as with a "soul mate," can still be important and impactful..? I guess that's what I'm struggling to work through right now. Thank you for this beautiful post, I really enjoyed it and it certainly gave me more to think about 🙂

    anonymous Aug 20, 2013 4:16am

    Hi Emily, thank you for posting that comment. I remember that place you describe vividly – the wondering whether they'll come back eventually; the heartache of losing that depth. I wish I had published more of my 'Letters to a Lost Lover' to refer you too because they very much cover that journey of moving on. It's really a matter of finding the best support you can to heal what needs to be healed, and finding a way of believing that it IS possible no matter what it may feel like at times. While my experience ties in with what Tanis says, I wouldn't be as definite about it as she (and others) are in distinguishing soul mates from twin flames. Language doesn't really do justice to the way in which these connections work. Keep faith, Emily, and if you'd like some suggestions for reading material please feel free to email me separately. Your post was beautiful!

    anonymous Mar 13, 2014 5:38pm

    Is it worthwhile to consider that perhaps the story is not over? That his exit was necessary in order for growth to happen?

    Sometimes when we experience the "extreme" of something, we forget that every peak is made up of smaller build ups. In other words, the "high" is no more important than the "low" or the "in between".

    It was special? Yes. Could it have lasted longer? Perhaps. But I always think that there are no mistakes and that, no matter how painful(and this is not to minimize the experience of "pain' in and of itself), all events are sequential.

    Every "up" must come down.

      anonymous Jun 5, 2014 5:58am

      Yes, every up must come down 🙂

anonymous Aug 19, 2013 9:01am

I believe there are absolutely soul mates as well as Twin Flames. I think that if you look at the incredible intelligence of every single living thing – the vastness of the universe – and so on, to think that we are all just randomly here, without any cosmic connection to each other is ignorance.

Twin Flames are not a new concept – they've been around since creation. It's only surfacing a lot more now, because more and more people are finding their own journey of enlightenment. In every thing, there is an equal and opposite half that makes up the whole – yin yang, sun moon, night day, etc etc – you can't have one with the other. Twin Flames are masculine/feminine energy. They've always existed.

People that have not met their Twin Flames (and there are many) can not quite grasp the connection. It is not something that can be completely understood without experiencing it. It is not the same as a soul mate – we have many soul mates and many often mirror the same traits as the Twin Flame or Twin Soul. With Twin Souls, there are several stages that they go through before they ever come together – Twin Flames are perfect mirrors of each other, which means there is a lot of bliss and a lot of chaos. Since both vibrate at the exact same yet opposite frequency – both must be in perfect balance with their own selves for it to ever work. Twin Souls are the ultimate connection – they are you, you are them. Together – when completely whole on their own, they make up one complete soul. It has the potential to be all of the things you mentioned – complete bliss and a loving relationship and there are parts that are very, very dark. Soul Mates come into our lives to help us along each stage of our path (and we can be very happy in a relationship with a soul mate, too) – Twin Souls come into our lives at a time when we have reached a certain level of spiritual growth and are ready to face the self. It's all about balance with the Twin Souls. Which is not easily achieved.

I've been on my own TF journey with it for a few years and I can say for certain that both Soul Mates and Twin Flames are very, very real! The TF journey is mind boggling and out of this world!

    anonymous Aug 19, 2013 11:23am

    'mind boggling and out of this world' – yes, a perfect description 🙂