5 Ways to Make a Man Feel Really Loved.

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relephant: Why Your man Needs to feel Needed. 

Below is a list of ways that a woman can really touch a deep place within me.

While I am only speaking for myself and not all men, I have a feeling that at least some—if not most—of this will be pretty universal.

A woman who cares about me enough to pay attention in the way I outline below is where I want to be. I’m just another human being wanting to know that I am safe, that I am appreciated and loved for who I am, that I am welcome and wanted on this planet to share my gifts and give my own love.

1. Get to know me.

One of the most beautiful gifts I have discovered that I am able to give another is my full presence. To listen and observe and show them that I see them, really see them and appreciate who they are and what they bring forward. To give this kind of attention to a woman can be like watching a flower blossom in real time.

There is no experience I have ever had that is quite like being truly seen and heard in the moment. I want to give that and I want to receive it. If you wish to be memorable to me, if you want to inspire my unending devotion, then get to know me—see me, hear me and let me know you see me.

I am certain you would be surprised by the levels of depth and tenderness that we men can contain within us and sometimes hide from the world because we aren’t yet sure how it will be received.

2. Enjoy the way I move.

As a man one of the biggest sources of joy for me is in using my body to get stuff done somehow. Whether it’s chopping wood, carrying stuff around, playing sports, martial arts, rock climbing, running through the forest or some other activity, I feel the most alive when my body is being used.

Move with me, watch me and enjoy me. Let me know you like it. Tell me I’m sexy when I move and you will stir my passions into a frenzy. As a woman I know you are probably pretty used to people admiring and complementing you for your physicality. As a man I am a lot less used to it and it can really mean a lot to me.

3. Tell me how I impact you.

If you have butterflies in your stomach when you are with me, if your heart beats a little faster when I say or do something, if kissing me turns you on—then tell me. Tell me how you feel when you are with me and I will feel closer to you, so much closer. I want to know that I mean something and that me being in the world changes your experience of it.

I can remember every single time a woman has shared this with me, it means that much.

4. Follow me into my cave.

There are going to be times when the world overwhelms me, when I feel incapable, when something hurts and my natural instinct is to withdraw and be alone.

I’m told as a man that I have to do it on my own, that I have to be strong and confident and never show my weaknesses. So in times of difficulty I will retreat, and if you really care about me then don’t leave me alone. Come and see me, call me, check in on me and ask if I am okay.

Don’t be surprised if I don’t want to talk. Don’t think that means I want you to go away though. Just be there for me. Maybe all I need is to be held and to know that you wont leave me if I can’t do it all. We all need to be held sometimes. And if you stay with me, if you show me that it’s okay for me to be vulnerable I might open up and tell you.

This is not going to be an easy thing to do, so please be patient. You will probably be rewarded with my undying loyalty. We men never forget those who are there for us in times of difficulty.

5. Talk about “stuff” with me sometimes.

As men and women we perceive the world differently, and that difference is a beautiful thing.

Your world is more feeling based, subtle and dynamic, prone to rapid changes in a way that boggles me at times. I’m doing my best to follow you, learn about you and enjoy the unique way you are.

And sometimes I want to talk about “stuff” with you. Depending on who I am is going to determine what that stuff is—it may be extreme sports, martial arts or the latest spiritual philosophy I have been studying, yet I want to talk about the details of it.

Indulge me! Ask questions and maybe even debate about it with me. I will probably get really excited in a way that might be confusing to you. This is a part of me as a man and I want to share it with you as much as I do everything else. Even better is to tell me you enjoy it when I talk about this stuff.

(Although be careful: saying this will be a signal for me to do more of it!)



On the flip side (relephant):

5 Ways to Make a Woman Feel Really Loved.


Relephant bonus:


“Compassion is not having any hesitation to reflect your light on things.” ~ Chögyam Trungpa

Buy him a craft beer from this mindful company:


Bonus: How to be a Man: 

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Edited by: Ben Neal

Image: LunaBlueRose1617/Deviantart

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anonymous Oct 31, 2015 8:46am

You know, as a woman, I would love it if a man did all of these things for me as well. 🙂

anonymous Oct 13, 2015 12:13am

Wow. You’re so intuitive for a man. I should have married a man like you!! 😉 Thanks for the extremely insightful article.

anonymous Oct 5, 2015 1:31pm

Thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You rock

anonymous Sep 27, 2015 3:06pm

I am another individual that Akpe Osilama awesome has reached. A lot of us have desired love, wealth, luck and all but it always a step too far to reach or the chance never come our way and then it all became a dream nothing more that just a dream. Akpe Osilama the greatest enchanter i have ever known because he is the only one i know helped transform my dream into reality he helped me with an enchantment that made the one that i love find his love for me after wait forever in love with him. We've been best friend even before we could speak , we played together got in trouble together made silly promises at least we kept it but one i could not keep one. I could not stay friends with him forever, i didn't want to just be his friend i wanted more i wanted him to love just as loved him but he saw me as just a friend or he didn't want to admit he was also in love with me because it was obvious we sync perfectly made the same gestures, always in each other arm we were like lover that don't make love . I was always a step behind when it came to letting him know how and what i felt about him. I wanted him to be the one to tell to say to me that he loved me and has always did. I wish i didn't wait for him i wish i told him maybe it wouldn't have took so long to be with him in first place. Through out our high school and collage years he was the guy every girl wanted to date he was the guy every wanted to give up their v card for and all the while i was the best friend of the guy i was in love with the one he tell all the nasty things he's been doing with them. As hard as it was for me i couldn't complain because we weren't dating even when i wanted it so bad. I always found myself wishing i was the girls on the other side. We shared everything about our life and even told each other thing we never told those we dated. I couldn't keep a stable relationship with any guy they all thought we hang out too much each other and i care for him more. They all left because they knew i was in love with him even when i tried to hide it always surfaced. My love life was a total mess and at first, it was really not a big deal because i thought with each man that come into my life a part of what i felt for him will fade away but it wasn't the case. I found myself not being about to love them enough or always comparing them with him that always led to the death of the relationship. I knew i had to let him know i was in love with him and i knew it was going ruin a our friendship and also his relationship. I hated myself because he was a nice guy but i wanted to know if i had a chance, if we loves me just as much as i loved him but he never told me he was too mad with me for what i did not until Akpe Osilama helped me unveil it. I kinda picked the worst time to let him know about my feeling because he was engaged and i made his fiancée call it off. And for two years we didn't speak he told me he never wanted to see me again and that i was dead to him. I was once again alone with my feeling all my effort to restore what i broke was in vain. I was happy the wedding was called off but was not so much because i didn't get him instead he hated me for what i did. I was really really confused i wanted to stop loving i needed to get him off my mind and over. I was on that quest when i found Akpe Osilama on the Internet read about his work with some people and how they all got their heart desire. I contacted him with this email chiefpriestakpeosilamaspellcast AT yahoo DOT com in the standard email form off course that they left on the Internet he told me the spirit had already told him that i was going to contact him. I only told him about how i was in love with him and what happened when i told him about my feelings but he knew we've best friends since we were kids that i did not tell him he reveal something only yust and i Knew yeah that is his name. Akpe Osilama told me that yust was always in love me like i loved him but he was unaware of his feeling. I asked him to help with with an enchantment that will make him love me and spend the rest of his life with me. All he used for the process was the materials he asked me to provide and after one day he sent a package via courier service which i paid for with content based on the enchantment he had done for me. I did not pay him anything for what he did for he did not ask me for anything. I followed the instruction i was given and just like told me yust was my to love again and i was his to love just like i wanted. Everything happened like the movie only that it was not like it. I mean he was in another state but he came down to let me know he now knew he was in love with and he wanted to love and just love me. It was the best moment of my life i never felt happier than how i felt that day. Just for the record we have being together for a year and two months now and still strong i can even sense a proposer it was one of the thing Akpe Osilama told me will happen.

anonymous Jun 20, 2015 6:20pm

Loved reading your list! thank you for sharing 5 great ideas how as a woman we can reach a man emotionally and spiritually. look forward to reading more of your ideas

    anonymous Jul 19, 2015 10:54am

    Thank you, this was meaningful and tender….

anonymous Jun 15, 2015 4:22am

Thanks for the tips, it will help me make my man feel loved 🙂 By the way i started to understand him more since i use the happycoupleapp, it's very useful 🙂

anonymous May 24, 2015 6:30am

Sadly, did them all and things still didn't work out. Feeling cynical about love right now because I feel hurt.

anonymous Mar 27, 2015 10:37am

Appreciate tthe recommendation. Let me try itt out.

anonymous Mar 26, 2015 10:07pm

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anonymous Jan 13, 2015 9:40pm

I did all those & in the 8 years that we were together he could not tell me the “L” word because it was to weird to tell me. Even after being married for 5 of those years he couldn’t let me, his wife be passionate with him. Trying to kiss him passionately, intimately was too weird for him. I told him, showed him as much as I could that he could be his complete raw, vulnerable, naked self & he didn’t have to worry about anything with me. I loved him for who he was/is inside not for anything else. He could never open up it’s still too scary. What else could I possibly have done.

anonymous Dec 15, 2014 8:55am

This was a great article. Thank you. I do agree that it articulates some of what women want as well… I think most of this is simply universal. It also reinforces that I am finally doing something right in my current relationship, that I am growing and maturing, and learning from my own mistakes.

anonymous Dec 6, 2014 7:24pm

I could have written this. These are all things that I want too. I wish you well and hope you find them someday.

anonymous Oct 15, 2014 8:38am

Loved the article! It is honest and it is, in my opnion, the naked truth.Thank you for writing this.

anonymous Jul 25, 2014 8:26pm

Great article. We would love to be able to do all these things. We believe very strongly in fairness. Give us a good way to communicate and we will.

anonymous Jul 15, 2014 12:26pm

I love the way this was articulated, i believe it expressed the needs of lots of men out there.

anonymous Jul 13, 2014 12:23am

this is all pretty right on. sad to say, I've never met a woman who cares about these things. Women are far too busy worrying if he is saying the right things, if he is paying attention, if he really meant what he said earlier, if he is the perfect soul mate blah blah blah.

As a man, I hate playing games. we say really stupid things and are clumsy but yes, we care, yes, we are paying attention, yes, we are trying really effing hard to understand your fury of emotions. Just treat a man as an equal without all the stupid expectations. simple. he will love you a million times over for it.

anonymous Jun 27, 2014 10:12am


Great article I really appreciate it. Its something I needed to read.

Thank you.

anonymous Jun 8, 2014 7:38pm

Beautiful…..what an evolved,amazing man…..

anonymous May 30, 2014 9:47pm

i can't really believe that i am with my Ex-Husband after broken up with me with 4 kids i thank Dr Atakpo of ([email protected]) for helping me getting back my man back, My Name is Mrs Rhona Cole i am from England and my man name is Mr Alan Cole, my happiness turn to bitterness,my joy turn to sorrow,my love turn to hate when my husband broke up with me last week,i was so frustrated and i could not know what next to do again, i was so unthinkable and i could not concentrate any more, i love my husband so much but he was cheating on me with another woman and this makes him broke up with me so that he can be able to get marry to the other lady and this lady i think cast a spell on my husband to make him hate me and my kids and this was so critical and uncalled-for,I cry all day and night for God to send me a helped to get back my man until i went to Westmoreland to see a friend and who was having he same problem with me but she latter got her Husband back and i asked her how she was able to get her husband back and she told me that their was a powerful spell caster in Africa name DR ATAKPO that he help with love spell in getting back lost lover's back and i decided to contacted the same Dr Atakpo and he told me what is needed to be done for me to have my man back and i did it although i doubted it but i did it and the Dr told me that i will get the result after 24hours, and he told me that my husband was going to call me by 9pm in my time and i still doubted his word, to my surprise my husband really called me and told me that he miss me so much Oh My God i was so happy, and today i am happily with my man again and we are joyfully living together as one good family and i thank the powerful spell caster Dr Atakpo of [email protected], he is so powerful and i decided to share my story on the internet that good spell casters still exist and Dr Atakpo is one of the good spell caster who i will always pray to live long to help his children in the time of trouble, if you are there and your lover is turning you down, or you have your husband moved to another woman, do not cry anymore contact the powerful spell caster Dr Atakpo on his email: [email protected] and he will answer you, i am a living testimony and i will continue to testify of his goodness in my family,he turn my family to paradise and today we are all happy together Dr Atakpo i say thank you in one million times thanks Dr.

anonymous May 30, 2014 7:28pm

Enjoyed my internal reactions to reading this. At the end of it I felt sad that we have to read articles like this to enlighten ourselves to the simple fact that we are all constructed the same way it's just our individuality that will drive needs higher or lower in numbers 1 to 5… You could apply those points to an article for men about what 'women need to feel loved' and it would be perfect. Thanks so much for pointing out that taking an interest in football or racing cars doesn't mean you have to be interested in those specific items but just very interested in sharing something that means something to someone we care about. I will definitely try this approach next time.

anonymous May 30, 2014 7:01pm

Love the list, it applies to women also by the way, I actually try to live this list with all people male or female. Unfortunately sometimes it gets me in trouble. Yes trouble, as in being accused of being motherly or needy, or the most confusing court date ever resulting in a short lived restraint order to both parties concerned. So can you please tell me why??? Because just when I think I have released and gone forward something comes into my experience which brings up my friend’s (yes, we were just friends) actions.

anonymous Apr 29, 2014 3:41pm

thank you so much it's helpful

anonymous Apr 25, 2014 2:03pm

I did all that very naturally. Now i realize i had this incredible feeling of beautiful pure love or him.
He didn't see me or hear me. It was the biggest heart break of my life.

thanks for the article. it's perfect.

anonymous Apr 22, 2014 9:09pm

Number 6 – Make him a sandwich

anonymous Mar 11, 2014 10:41pm

I loved It. Thanks.

anonymous Feb 14, 2014 3:04am

Excellent post – so insightful! Esentially treat guys the way you want to be treated, pretty much. Thank you!

anonymous Jan 15, 2014 4:50pm

Hey! Thanks for the great article- good read for sure. Just wondering… do you think this applies just as much in male-female friendships as well? Or do you think this is more for men in relationships? Don't want to creep out my friend and tell him I still get butterflies around him, and have for the past 5 years, but not really sure if he feels the same way… regardless, we're just friends so just wanted to get your take on that.

anonymous Dec 23, 2013 5:20pm

Hi there, just became aware of your blog through Google, and found that it

is truly informative. I’m gonna watch out for brussels.

I’ll appreciate if you continue this in future.

A lot of people will be benefited from your writing.


anonymous Dec 15, 2013 5:13am

I have read some excellent stuff here. Definitely price bookmarking for revisiting.

I wonder how a lot effort you put to make this kind of

magnificent informative site.

anonymous Dec 12, 2013 4:13am

In my perspective, We all really want the same things. No one can make you feel loved. A person can show you much they love you and if you do not love yourself, it is because you feel bad about yourself. Getting close to other humans will actually bring out those feels of not being loved. We as men need to remember those needs of being loved will never get met until we heal the old hurts we received as young ones. Looking for a mommy is not going to take it away. We needed to feel that loved from our moms, dads, adults, etc…too late. However, wcan go back as adults and help each other by listening and thinking together and learn how to care for each other which moves both of our lives forward. And not just depend on one person to try to make us feel loved. If you want to feel really loved, start loving people. It is a beautiful thing!

anonymous Dec 11, 2013 8:32pm

I wrote a reply yesterday but why is it deleted?

anonymous Dec 11, 2013 12:17am

Thank you so much for your inspiring words! I find reading this really refreshing during these times of spiritual evolution. Know that by doing what you love, you are also reaching out to help other people, and in turn you're helping yourself too. Living a life of eternal joy, infinite freedom, unconditional love, and unbounded awareness is definitely what we came here to do, and you're a true moving inspiration for everyone on the same path. Blessings from my heart to yours!

anonymous Nov 11, 2013 4:31pm

Boom. Honest stuff man. Nicely done. Very modern of you to not act like all we need is a nice piece of tail, some beers, a game on the TV and blah blah macho blah. Cheers.

anonymous Nov 11, 2013 12:38am

I so love the way you write. You really speak your mind which helps me understand what's in my mind and how I would love to see my man and how would I want my man to see me, know me and understand me.

anonymous Nov 10, 2013 10:07pm

Love this open and honest sharing.
I am currently with a beautiful man that inspires me to do all these thing effortlessly-naturall-intuitivly .This is how I know I love him authentically.That this love is love -pure form-
I do love the way he moves and tell him, he should know.He moves me with his words, I love the way he thinks and also the way he feels.I love kissing him and the way he touches me.I tell him.I simply have to tell him.I am finding-learning that if one needs to try -force it , then perhaps it is not the right pairing of souls..I am grateful to be able to experience and share this love with another being.I wish the same for you.xo

anonymous Nov 10, 2013 9:14pm

What a wonderful article; beautifully written. Kind of weird, how The Universe works. I just finished writing a heartfelt message to someone that I care deeply for, and read this after I sent it. It reinforced that it was not a mistake to send such a raw message to such an important person.

anonymous Oct 22, 2013 9:33pm

excellent read…as just reemerging into the world of love, and men, i sincerely appreciate your words. they are ones i always innately felt, but hearing it so succinctly yet eloquently from a man help me to not be so afraid to act on them. many thanks….

anonymous Oct 22, 2013 9:06pm

these are also the exact same ways to make a woman feel more loved…

    anonymous Jun 6, 2014 1:58pm

    Are you implying that men and women are not opposites?! That we might all be human people with similar needs. Blasphemer!!

    Nevertheless good read.

anonymous Oct 4, 2013 5:33am

All together it's a beautiful exploration of self. However, I feel the title may steer some women in the wrong direction. "5 Ways to Make Some Men Feel Really Loved" or "5 Ways I Want To Be Loved" would certainly be less misleading. I don't believe some of the points are anywhere near universal. In my experience, some of them actually seem somewhat uncommon.

1. Agree. I'd also expand on this to say, "Get to know the deepest parts of me". Get to know my hopes, dreams, fears, insecurities, where I feel guilt and shame, what lights me up, what gets me juiced, what makes me come alive. This is true for both sexes. We all want to be seen and embraced for who we are, especially at the deepest levels.

2. Doesn't do anything for me at all and not sure it would for a lot of, if not most, guys.

3. Agree.

4. Kinda disagree and I think many men would. I don't want to be followed into my cave. If I'm going into my cave, I want to be alone. I want to be with myself to process my thoughts and feelings. The only thing I'd want to know is that my partner is available for support if I need it, It's fine if she checked in to see if I wanted company or wanted to be alone. If I wanted to be alone, all I'd want is for her to say is, "I'm here in any way you need if you need me".

5. Agree, but I'd expand on this similarly to #1. Both sexes want to talk about their interests with their partners. Sometimes we don't understand each other's interests. Relationships grow when both parties in a relationship seek to understand each other's interests. An easy way to explore your partner's interests is to ask, "I'm curious, what is it that makes you so passionate or excited about this?". Questions like that promote a deeper understanding of each other's underlying drives and motivations.

For woman reading this list, I'd caution on acting on it. Best to just check in with your man and ask him if these are things he'd appreciate or not. If not, ask him what it is that he would appreciate.

    anonymous Oct 14, 2013 2:40am


    What you pointed to in point 4 is what I was attempting to express. I think I could have done it a little bit better, which is always the way in retrospect 😉
    To have a woman check in and show her support without demanding anything from me. From this space I may or may not open up to her… having the choice is the beautiful part for me.

    I imagine point 2 only really applying to men who are physical in some way in their lives. It could be rephrased as being admired when we are in our passion, whatever that may be… again, retrospect.

    And I agree… open the dialogue in our relationships and see what really feeds and nourishes us is where things can really flower.

anonymous Oct 2, 2013 2:03pm

This is a very beautiful article. I like that you wrote it in first person, makes it much more personal. Its nice and refreshing to read something real and vulnerable like that.

anonymous Oct 1, 2013 7:01pm

Sorry, I'll never pretend to care about football.

    anonymous Oct 2, 2013 6:14am

    Personally I am not interested in football either. However if your man is then I feel sad at that place where there will be no connection.

    It’s not about pretending and it’s not about caring about the object of our passion… It is about enjoying us in that passion that WE as men care about this. Can you care enough to peer into this world we might actually be yearning to share with you in some way but utterly afraid that you won’t care and we

    will feel shame for opening ourselves up.

    How sad that we have to keep this part of ourselves, even if it is football, wrapped away and hidden from you.

      anonymous Dec 21, 2013 4:00am

      Exactly, thank you for expressing this Damien. It's not about caring about everything that we talk about… it's about caring that we care about it. Wonderful article.

anonymous Oct 1, 2013 4:29pm

Thank you everyone for the beautiful feedback. It inspires me to write more 🙂

anonymous Oct 1, 2013 3:13pm

Thanks Damien, wonderful to hear this from a man!

anonymous Oct 1, 2013 12:07pm

Thank you so much for writing this. I have had it open on my laptop for the past few days so I would remember to read it again and again. I am fortunate to have a man who explained these things to me, and I heard him in everything I read. This is such a great reminder of all the things that can be great in a relationship.

    anonymous Jun 2, 2014 7:14pm

    well, i took this advise and its amazing how this makes a difference. its not jus to get him to love me, its more like i get to show him how much i love him in ways it matters for him as a man and the reciprocation was natural and amazing!!!

anonymous Sep 30, 2013 10:10pm

This is so sweet and touching. Thank you for writing it.

I am dating someone new, and i really like him. I have been doing some of these quite naturally on my own, but had no idea how meaningful it can be. In fact, i feel embarrassed sometimes, for sharing with him in this way, especially because it is a very new connection. I had no idea I was giving such a gift. I wish for you, this too!

anonymous Sep 30, 2013 7:57pm

Utterly beautiful

You make me want to be a better woman.

anonymous Sep 30, 2013 10:37am

1-3 really resonate for me. 4 and 5, not so much. Nonetheless, I appreciate your courage in writing and sharing the above, Damien. Even reading an article about what men need and want feels good to me. Thanks.

anonymous Sep 30, 2013 10:24am

Wonderful, as always Damien. Your writing is spectacular and beautiful and true and nakedly honest. I wish I could take you out for coffee! x

    anonymous Sep 30, 2013 8:28pm

    That would be lovely, thanks Jamie.

anonymous Sep 30, 2013 9:53am

You are really good at this. Thanks for putting this into words the way you do. I could hear my guy's voice while reading this. 😉

anonymous Sep 30, 2013 9:46am

Spot on. Thank you.
Men, please don't forward this to your GFs.
Instead, say it, to them, in person, in your own words.

    anonymous Sep 30, 2013 8:27pm

    Nice RME.
    Yeah the invitation is to clearly express to our loved ones what has us feel loved. Both what they already do (and showing appreciation for that) and what we would like more of.

anonymous Sep 30, 2013 9:03am

Loved! Awesome article. Thank you!

anonymous Sep 30, 2013 4:59am

Hi 🙂

Debra – I don't speak for all men, yet I know this is true for me. I might not want to/be able to talk when I am "in my cave" yet I really like not feeling alone in there and knowing the person I care about most will love me and accept me even when I'm withdrawn is an amazing gift.

Alison – thank you! You can find more of my writing on my blog http://monkeyscorner.wordpress.com, I also write articles on thegoodmenproject.com sometimes.
This kind of encouragement is an incentive to be writing more 🙂

Rosie – thanks, the minefield is both ways! So let's just help each other out so we can enjoy juicy and beautiful connections together!

anonymous Sep 29, 2013 10:56pm

Thanks for sharing this. I always feel like I am treading a minefield when I am trying to understand a man… these pointers are lot of help 🙂

anonymous Sep 29, 2013 5:44pm

Um hi. 🙂
You write beautifully
I felt a lovely connection to this and it put a big smile on my soul.
I especially like numbers one and three. And five. Okay I especially like it all.
I feel like this could be my list.. It's so raw and beautiful.
Thank you so very much and I may be referring to this in the future 🙂
Where can I find more of you or your writing? 😉

anonymous Sep 29, 2013 3:38pm

I love this list, particularly 4 – I always assumed that when a man went to his cave he wanted to be alone (I know I do), but I'll give it a try. And 5, I love the way his face lights up when he starts talking about stuff that he's interested in.

Christine Addae Jul 3, 2018 12:10am

Hey guy's I loved the inspiration stories. Please follow my blog as well at www.newbeginnings88.com. Go check it out!

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Damien Bohler

Damien Bohler is a nomadic soul increasingly delighted by his existence on this strange and wonderful planet. He enjoys writing, climbing trees, walking barefoot, permaculture, integral theory and holding optimistic idealism for the potential of the human species. You can like his Facebook page and be informed about his upcoming book series “Evolutionary Relating”, read his other writings at his website, MonkeysCorner or be his Facebook friend .