March 29, 2020

Love after Corona.

I have been single for a while and finally nicely settling into my single girl routine.

After the last breakup, I sent myself to therapy—EMDR therapy—to process the unprocessed crap that prevented me from moving on. It was transformative.

Just prior to this whole COVID nightmare, I had my first date since the breakup. It was sweet and lovely, and although I had no desire, for a second I was alive and ready to get back out there.

Fast-forward a month, and we are in a pandemic. Living alone and away from family, the isolation has been painful and rather brutal. Each night since isolation, I have dreamt of a past lover and seem to be processing even more.

People are dying, and my fear rises—fear of dying alone. My feelings are normal, I tell myself, and this trauma is stirring up “old stuff.” Most humans crave an intimate connection. These fears are real and normal.

Although I have never really given up on love, I have wondered if a single life was my destiny. Now, I am certain life after COVID will be filled with love. Love for my friends, family, and the man who is out there thinking the same. Right now, I am thinking perhaps it is good that the love of my life will come after this pandemic. This period of time is a gift.

Trauma and tragedy are devastating.

Often, grief triggers grief, and trauma triggers past trauma. The flip side is the growth that comes after. There is calm after the storm and new life and love. Hope is resilience.

I have come to this belief by sitting with my grief and loss. Hope came out of diving deep into the debris of the shattered dreams.

How is this possible?

I believe it is by making peace with the past. I know for certain that when love comes, it will not be shadowed by the ghosts of the past.

It is a new day.

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