April 3, 2020

It Doesn’t Have to Last Forever to Change Us Forever.

Yesterday was one of the hardest days—we are in the middle of a global pandemic and I just can’t catch my footing.

All the while, he is there. He is good.

I came home for lunch with a tired body, swollen eyes, and a tight, anxious chest. Ready to collapse and convinced there would be no relief.

In he walked with his gentle eyes that have become my safe haven over the last several months. He had cookies and tea and a snack for me to eat while I made us lunch.

His strong arms ready to hold me. I instantly felt my whole body melt, soften, open, and feel safe.

For a second, I forgot that our world is in crisis. That my career is on hold.

Our love spoke louder than the chaos.

If you had told me a year ago this is where I’d be, and he’d be who I love, I would have laughed.

He came out of nowhere and surprises me every day.

It’s untraditional. It makes no sense and all the sense in the world at the same time.

I realize now, as I soaked up the safe space his presence gives me, that the best plans in life are the ones we never make. I have no idea where we are going. Or even if there is a destination for our love. The odds are stacked against us.

We want different things. Yet here we are showing up, loving, growing, holding, and choosing each other anyway.

Love contradicts. And so does life. The safety isn’t in the knowing. It’s in the feeling.

His love teaches me to forget about having it all figured out because the best things awaiting me can’t be foreseen.

And that it doesn’t have to last forever

to change us forever.

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