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One of the funniest, most enraging, and humbling parts of being on an inner work journey is throwing kids in the mix.
I’ve been reading, writing, and creating a lot around inner peace lately.
2020 has been a catalyst for me to go deeper into myself and serve others from this place.
Something I’ve had to grapple with is, “How do I serve anybody else in a meaningful way when the morning routine getting my daughter to school was chaotic, and I just had to deal with a screaming toddler for the last 10 minutes?”
One of the most humbling parts about branching off on my own has been grappling with the idea of “Am I enough?” or “Do I know enough?” or “Isn’t there someone out there more qualified for this job?”
It’s the same way I felt when I gave birth to my first child. I looked at the nurse as she handed me my newborn daughter and had the same thoughts run through my head. I thought for sure there had been a mistake made somewhere. I couldn’t possibly be cut out for this. Where was the manual? Was a nurse going to accompany me now home to hold my hand?
The answer was that no, she wasn’t. I knew that. I knew that I just had to figure it out as I went along.
It’s often the same thing when we begin something new. We hold back because we’ve convinced ourselves that we aren’t enough or that we don’t know enough. And our brains aren’t wired to understand something they haven’t experienced yet, so they try to hold us back to keep us safe in the zone of familiarity.
But when do we get to feel like we’re enough to go for things outside of our comfort zone?
We probably won’t ever feel like we are ready. There is always one more thing to learn first. So what do we do? We do it anyway. Because something I’ve learned is that necessity does breed invention. We figure it out when we have to.
What I really had to figure out with regards to all of this, though, was the idea of being ready to not be ready (and do it anyway). That is the real work.
It’s the mindset work required to tame your ego, so that you can step into the ring and put yourself out there without attachment to the outcome. It’s sitting down at your computer and taking a few deep breaths after leaving your crying toddler and writing with your heart. It’s finding ways to serve people from your heart with the knowledge that you’ll never have all the answers.
I see now that that’s where the real growth happens. And not only that, it’s where you find your sense of pride and purpose. It was never about having all the answers. It was putting the fear and worry and stress aside that mattered. It was the coming back again and again to your breath, your moment right here and now. And not giving in or giving up.
Because kids, the circumstances in our lives, and the external chaos in our worlds are palpable. They are continually throwing curve-balls at us, more so now than ever before. They will put us off balance again and again, especially as soon as we think we have it all figured out.
All we can do is the work required not to let any of that stop us from stepping into that space where the brave tread.
It’s doing our best to serve others with our whole hearts even though we are on our journey of growth as well. Because if what we’re doing is for the right reasons, we’ll gain satisfaction by taking action from that place, not from the outcome.
If the outcome works out, it’s just a bonus.
So we take it one step, one breath, one thought at a time. We know we don’t have it all figured out, but we try—and we love ourselves anyway.
No more waiting.
That’s all we can do, and it’s more than enough.
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