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November 18, 2020

Maybe these are the Reasons for my Weekday Sadness. {Poem}

Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday

Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday
Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday

I’m doing the same f*cking things every day
Every goddamn weekday

I wake up
I go to school
I wake up
I go to school
I wake up
I go to school
What’s the big deal about school anyway?

I do this (It’s not enough!)
I do that (Could be better!)
I say this (That’s all you’ve got?!)
I say that (Oh, now you’re talking back!)

I go to school because that’s what I have to do
I take those tests because my teachers want me to
I have this dream because society wants me to
And I’m living this life—not in the way I want to

Now tell me, isn’t it tiring?
Isn’t it depressing?
Isn’t it frustrating?

That I have to do the things I don’t like
That I have to do the things I don’t want
That I have to do the things I don’t enjoy

And maybe these are the reasons why…
Why I started to act more like a puppet instead of a living person
Why I started to treat everything as a competition
Why I started to think more about my grades up until graduation

And maybe these are also the reasons why…
Why day by day it becomes harder to smile
To put on a smile that reaches my eyes
To put on a smile that is real and full of life

And maybe these are also the reasons why…
Why sometimes I just want to wallow up in my room and cry
Cry as I wonder about this life
This life that I can’t even call mine

And maybe these are also the reasons why…
Why sometimes I can’t even recognize my eyes
My eyes that look so lost in life
Eyes that always tell lies

And maybe these are also the reasons why…
Why I suddenly feel this weight on my shoulders
These shoulders that sag as I stagger my way into the classroom
These shoulders that make it seem like I’m too weak and on the verge of giving up

And maybe these are also the reasons why…
Why it gets harder to take a step as each day passes by
Why it gets harder for these feet to carry on and walk
Why these feet make it seem like I’m just too lazy to try

When in reality, these feet
These feet are the only ones that keep me going
These feet are proof that I’m still standing
That I’m still standing

That I’m still standing
Every Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday
That I’m still standing every
Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday
That I’m still standing
Every Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday

But maybe, just maybe
Maybe I had it all wrong
Maybe the reason why I’m still standing is the fact that I’m still waiting
I’m still waiting for someone
For someone to listen
To listen to my cries
To make me feel that my voice isn’t just a shout into the void
I’m still waiting for someone to listen
Please someone, just listen

Listen to me
Listen to me
Listen to me
If only someone is willing to listen to me

If only they would listen
Listen to me when things get too hard
Listen to me when I have something to say
To talk about how I really feel

But maybe, just maybe
Maybe I had it all wrong again
Maybe I’m not just waiting for someone to listen
Maybe I’m still waiting
For someone to ask
To ask how am I doing
To ask if I can still do it
To ask me if I’m still happy

But who the f*ck am I kidding?
If someone asked how I’m doing
I’d simply say, just fine
If someone asked if I can still do it
I’d simply say, I can do just fine
But if someone asked if I’m still happy,
Will I also say just fine?
Will I still lie just to pretend that I’m fine?

‘Cause in reality, I am not happy
But who cares about me?
I have no right
I have no right to decide
I have no right to get tired

Now, tell me
Can I still be happy?
How can I still be happy?
How can I be happy?

But if I do think about it
Maybe I can still be happy
If someday someone will understand me, really understand me
If someday I get to pursue my own dream
If someday I get to live my life my way
If someday I can show the real me
If someday I can be me

Then maybe I can be happy
I can truly be happy.

~

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