December 9, 2020

5 Signs you’re Projecting Pain & Playing a Victim.


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The status and the ways of the world are changing as we work to overcome a pandemic and begin to shift into the new age of Aquarius.

Everyone can see the need to change our ways, cultivate more sustainability, and overcome our differences.

In a world that is greatly divided and polarized, with everyone thinking and believing in different American standards and norms, the only way we will rise out of the chaos is to cultivate peace and understanding within us and around us.

We all need to be able to work through our karma, destruct our negative tendencies, and foster more compassion and love—for ourselves—and for each other. Our unconscious patterns and the different ways we act out our own self-hate will keep us projecting our issues onto others until we are willing to look in the mirror and deal with them in ourselves.

I’ve lived in San Diego most of my life, and I’ve been in Encinitas, the Yoga Mecca of America, for many years. While teaching in the yoga scene and following my own curiosity in “spiritual” pursuits, I’ve learned a lot about the mind, and have come across all sorts of characters who believe in different faiths.

The greatest divide is and will always be our mind and inability to see other perspectives and understand different views. Our unconscious mind and conditioning control us unless we allow ourselves to change and choose new ways, behaviors, beliefs, and perspectives.

If we continue to unconsciously operate in the old mindset that we have been taught and think someone else, or a government, or a G-O-D, will do it for us, we will all be greatly hypnotized and stay in our ignorant and outdated ways. This virus goes beyond science; it’s in us all, within our minds, bodies, and how we energetically engage in life and with each other.

How we treat others is a direct reflection of our ability to cultivate love, receive love, and share love. I know through working through my own issues and overcoming my own trauma and mental health issues, that our unconscious will continue to reflect reality as we are, unless we choose to change our inner state and overcome the mental and emotional chaos that may be keeping us limited.

We all have an ego and it feeds us to act and do things—often, not consciously. Unless we realize our limiting patterns and how we project our pain and childhood wounds onto others, we will all continue to live in a victim mentality, without a willingness to psychologically mature and grow up.

We all need to learn to foster higher values of unity, including our human ability to get along, be honest, stay truthful, and become loving within and around.

As a woman, I know what the wounded feminine looks like and all the unconscious thought patterns and beliefs that can greatly inhibit us and keep us in codependent and toxic relationships and more. I know we all have flaws, childhood wounds, limitations, insecurities, hidden pain, and more, that do challenge us in life. Yet, our ability to work through our “stuff” with each other can save us all from falling into self-destructive patterns, projecting, and shaming others for whoever they are in the moment.

The game of life, our health, and relationships are changing. No doubt, this Coronavirus pandemic has challenged everyone and forced change; however, there is so much more happening, as we all are being forced to work through our inner issues and pain. Whether we continue to live like a victim, think other people are our problem, and deny our emotional pain will be a factor in how we build future relationships and more.

To heal means to overcome our woundedness and to live healthy and whole within ourselves.

This means accepting things that happen, karmic stories that end, and feeling and holding love within and, also, for those necessary characters who needed to play a role to help us feel our pain and grow out of it. We all can become mindful in how we show up and add to the collective, including how we use the screens and social apps—often in our own attempt to be validated, acknowledged, and even feel connected and right.

Signs you’re projecting your pain, playing a victim, and living codependently and with a closed heart:

You think other people need to be a certain way.

Our unconscious control dynamics and our need to have people meet all our needs keeps us disconnected from forming real, conscious relationships, and keeps us dependent on another. Anytime we rely on someone else to fill an inner void, we dismiss our ability to create love in ourselves and fill ourselves, so we can then live contently and satisfied, despite other people’s choice in how they live.

You’re unable to support yourself and make your own money.

It’s human nature to want money, and many people, women especially, have been wired for men to take care of them. Anyone who is unwilling and unable to work, pay their rent, hold a career, and manage money and resources is not able to be independent and secure in themselves fully, which leads to codependent patterns.

You have a need to make social post to feel validated.

When we share, especially online, we need to be mindful of the underlying intention and consciously communicate. The more we spread hate, call other people out on social platforms, gossip, and post because of our own emotional insecurities, the more social media becomes destructive. Ask yourself if it’s necessary, and where the wounded part in you has not yet healed and confronted the demon of self-hate that needs a post for validation, likes, comments, and more.

You bulldoze and block people or loose relationships after being triggered.

Shutting people out of your life, refusing to communicate with people, and blocking others are patterns of abandonment and fear. It’s possible to make amends with all people and relationships, and to do so in conscious and loving fashions. The other person is triggering something deep in you; when you kick them out of your life and refuse to heal your own broken and upset heart, you’re ultimately hurting yourself and denying your underlying pain.

You’re unwilling to communicate, connect, and overcome differences.

We all live divided the more we get stuck in our own stubborn mentality and get upset when other people act, think, and believe differently. Unless you’re willing to walk in their shoes, hear why they are as they are, and develop your own limited perspective, you can’t hold compassion. Negative emotions and the mind may keep you from accepting others as they are and loving everything that it’s teaching you, including how to loosen your own mental grip that’s clinging to a reality in your mind.

It’s 2020—a year we have to learn to adopt new ways of living, behaving, interacting, and relating. To evolve in love is to shift from the codependent and victim states that the past and fairytales and more have taught us.

Abolishing self-hate requires our ability to acknowledge our pain, understand our underlying grief, and even when we may not “feel” anger and other emotions, recognize how they continue to affect us in the mind, body, and behavior. 

It is easier to hold insecurities and act out; yet, if people desire more unity, harmony, peace, and love, it requires us all to be willing to transform, create peace, overcome pain, and evolve beyond the loveless ways of the past—now—in the present.


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