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February 22, 2021

7 Signs You’re Being Love-Bombed.

 

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Not all love-bombing scenarios will lead to abuse, but it’s still important to notice the signs.

Recently, Evan Rachel Wood came out to voice the abuse she faced, allegedly from singer Marilyn Manson.

Her recent post talked about how she had been groomed at a young age until she was eventually manipulated, starved, and abused. She was amongst four other women who also voiced the abuse they faced while in company with Manson. Rose McGowan is even standing with them.

As I read these women’s Instagram posts speaking out against their aggressors, there is a phrase used throughout a few of their testimonies. One that really triggered me to recall similar moments and feelings from my past relationships.

That phrase is love-bombing.

What is Love-Bombing?

It’s not a new term, although it’s new to me.

Love-bombing is when someone overwhelms you with words, actions, affection, and behaviors as a way of manipulating you. This method of manipulation is used to satisfy a person’s hidden agenda or make a person do something they want them to do.

This was allegedly one of Manson’s tactics, according to a few women who engaged in relationships with him. What women are saying about their relationship with Manson and the abuse they faced is a more intense escalation of this manipulation and the worst-case scenario of love-bombing.

Not all love-bombing scenarios will lead to abuse, but it’s still important to notice the signs.

This behavior has likely happened at least once with everyone. I’m sure you can recall now the moment where you knew you avoided love-bombing or the moment you were living high and large on love-bombing.

The reason it’s so alarming is because of the way it rushes you into a relationship or commitment with someone before you even knew how you got there.

I can recall a time when I dated someone who convinced me he and I were meant for each other. He constantly loved-bombed me when we started dating—telling me that this was more real than anything he had ever felt, and showering me throughout the day with the most intensely sweet comments. He showered me with gifts, gestures, and even bought me a TV for my new apartment since I didn’t have my own yet.

He said everything I wanted to hear.

And like the fool I was, I thought this meant he really liked me and cared for me.

But when the opportunity came to be intimate, he got defensive when I told him “no.” He guilted me into sleeping with him, using the very tactics of love-bombing that are mentioned below.

A few weeks later, he broke up with me, telling me it is “never as fun if it’s this easy.”

That wrecked me for the longest time. I didn’t know there was a way to define what that guy put me through until Evan Rachel Wood and several other women voiced their abuse and used that word.

So how do you know someone is love-bombing you? As your new relationship continues, you’ll start to notice an increase in intensity and unease.

Here are some ways you might have been love-bombed:

1. You’ll get tons of gifts.

A common sign is when someone showers you with gifts and tries to win your affection by presenting you with tempting items.

This can also involve over-the-top gifts that are so outrageous they make you feel uncomfortable (plane tickets, expensive jewelry, etc.). It can even come to the point where this person is buying you items that are so outlandishly expensive even if you’ve attempted to refuse them.

If you feel obligated to take a gift from someone who is forcing it on you, that is love-bombing.

Gift-giving is a form of manipulation that could make them think you owe them something down the road after they showed you their generosity.

2. You’ll get texts and phone calls non-stop.

If you can’t seem to get a moment alone with yourself without your phone ringing off the hook or getting consecutive dings from text notifications, you’re being love-bombed.

The constant “where are you” and “what are you doing” consistently sent each and every hour is a clear warning sign.

Having regular correspondence when you first start dating is one thing, but when it becomes one-sided and overwhelming texts and calls, it’s a huge red flag.

Such behavior like this can feel like you are being claimed or possessed like an object.

3. You’ll be complimented immediately and intensely.

You’ll probably hear things like these right out the gate:

“I have never felt like this with anyone before.”

“I love everything about you.”

“You are unlike anyone I’ve ever met before.”

While phrases like this are definitely a good thing in a healthy relationship built on trust, mutual respect, and deep love for each other, if they are happening early on in a relationship while you’re still getting to know a person, this is also a red flag.

4. You’ll hear things like “we are destined to be together.”

Now, there are exceptions to the rule, of course, but not everyone is your soulmate, although an endorphin rush may tell you differently. But if someone is spending a lot of time upfront trying to convince you you’re their soulmate, this is a telltale sign of love-bombing.

You might hear them spit common phrases like:

“We’re soulmates.”

“This thing between us, it’s fate.”

“We must have loved each other in a past life.”

“You understand me better than anyone.”

Like I said before, if you have been dating a while and you feel this way, chances are pretty good that it’s healthy and real. Some people may even know right away, but that feeling has to be mutual.

If comments like this are coming at you and they are one-sided, it’s reason to be concerned.

5. You’ll face quick demands for commitment.

If they are pushing for immediate commitment, undivided attention, or pressuring you into moving too fast too soon, this is a huge indicator that you are being love-bombed.

You might notice this type of love-bombing when plans for the future are being made far before you’ve really gotten to know each other. This can also happen if this person is asking you to move in with them rather quickly.

Anyone who wants you to give too much of yourself over rather quickly is making attempts to manipulate you into getting what they want.

6. You’ll set boundaries and they’ll get defensive, upset, or try and convince you to let your guard down.

If someone gets immediately defensive or angry the moment you try and set clear boundaries, run.

Anyone who throws a temper tantrum because you aren’t giving them what they want is clearly not supposed to be in your life.

In their effort to get what they want, they will try to do and say whatever they must to get you to change your mind about that boundary you just set.

They will try and sweet talk you out of your boundaries by saying things like:

“I thought we had a connection.”

“I thought you liked/loved me.”

“I must not be important to you anymore.”

7. You feel they are overwhelming, needy, or intense.

If their overall presence, attitude, or behaviors are coming on too strong and starting to make you feel uncomfortable, time to let them go.

Love is not supposed to make you feel uncomfortable or unsafe.

If you are constantly having to drop your friends, rearrange plans, and do anything that accommodates a person’s insecurities or needs exclusively, you are being love-bombed.

How to Deal with a Love-Bomber

If you’re starting to get worried about these intense shows of affection, start politely refusing gifts and time together. Rely on people you trust outside the relationship. If this person is asking you to stop being friends with someone or stop seeing someone who is close to you, let someone you trust know.

In a safe space, tell them you would like to take things slow and that their displays of affection are making you feel uncomfortable.

Slowly move away from the relationship until you’re able to either ignore them or let them go.

If it starts to feel abusive or overly unhealthy seek help. If you are feeling the lasting effects of this manipulation, seek help from a professional so you can learn how to trust people again.

What’s You Should Understand About Love-Bombing.

This can happen in any relationship—whether romantic, familial, or platonic.

If you notice any of these things happening in a current relationship, it might be time to end that relationship. If it feels too good to be true, then it’s likely it is.

The last thing you need is someone making you think they care, only to rip out your hopes from under you.

These are manipulative behaviors disguised as affection and attention used to try and coerce you into doing something that meets their goal or agenda.

It is natural for us to crave things like attention, love, compliments, acts of service, etc. It is not healthy when it is over the top and makes you feel uncomfortable. But if the person who is giving it to you is making you feel uncomfortable, hurting you, or trying to make you do something you don’t want to do, it’s time to let them go.

The best advice for deciphering if you’re experiencing love-bombing is to follow your intuition. If what a person is doing makes you feel uneasy, out of balance, or makes you feel unsafe, don’t ignore that feeling.

Listen to your body. If it tells you it isn’t right, it isn’t right.

Chances are listening to your gut can save you from terrible heartbreak or perhaps something even worse.

~

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