February 14, 2021

A Recipe For Pain & Closure when we Feel our Partner is not Good Enough.

There’s a level of attunement and care that can never be satisfied or met by someone other than yourself, ever.

It’s a painful reality to drop into, especially before we’re aware of, or before we’ve integrated our “inner man” to source from.

Our partner becomes “not good enough” and a constant source of disappointment when we project the standards of our own (disowned) internal masculine energies onto him.

Staying focused on our partner’s inadequacy and lack of perfectly meeting us will slowly degrade what’s good in the relationship until there’s nothing left.

It’s easy for us (women) to not be aware of how we contribute to this dynamic because we are deeply conditioned to believe that our emotional sensitivity makes us more aware, and that he is the problem.

This makes it harder and trickier to spot the root of the issue, within us.

The pattern of closure, chronic assessment, and disapproval is a great reflection of how we are not showing up for ourselves.

How we are not internally sourcing our own impeccably consistent protector, father, warrior, wizardly king—our own inner man.

He’s the beloved that meets, holds, and melts our hearts like no other.

This is where true safety happens for women.

This is where we become responsible (able to respond) for our discernment, clarity, and boundaries.

This is how we stop acting as the disapproving mother.

This is how we meet our own hearts with what we need to open, to be vulnerable, and to feel safe.

My inner man is perfect for me—he is me.

He’s the sun I depend on that shines every morning no matter what’s happening.

When I’m not integrating him into my beingness, I unconsciously demand my partner to play the role for me, and I get angry when he doesn’t. Ugh. So painful.

My inner man perfectly attunes to me—I am met when I’m owning him. My partner is going to face a lot of crap from me when I’m not.

I cultivate this relationship inside with my inner man—it’s not something that I had imprinted as a child, so it’s work. Something we can all learn.

When I am intimately close to my partner, I sometimes feel it slip like sand out of my hands. And then I go to work, reclaiming him again, and again. Each time, strengthening the pathway back to wholeness. Each time, identifying the context of when I let myself go, so I can learn to better hold myself there.

I’m super happy when I am integrated in this particular way. I feel whole. It’s a glorious dance of the sacred marriage within.

And I tend to become almost magically angelic in my understanding, tolerance, and patience—with an accepting, approving, and appreciative spirit—and I can access my most effective communication skills with my partner too.

It doesn’t mean I don’t bring up stuff in the relationship that needs to be addressed. It does mean the way that happens is transformed into something that he can receive, hear, and engage with—with more ease and receptivity. Because I’m not holding a smoking gun at him.

When I’ve disowned my inner man, it’s a messy spot when I’m in it, and always so rewarding and refreshing for both of us when I return to my wholeness. It’s certainly a journey.

Let’s be responsible for what is at the underbelly of our chronic criticism.

We can have the deep connection and intimacy that we’ve always dreamed of when we meet ourselves in our wholeness first.


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