February 12, 2021

How to Have a Sexy, Solo Valentine’s Day. {Adult-ish}


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So, you’re single on Valentine’s Day. 

If you’re not super excited by this prospect, and I gather you’re not since you are reading this, I have four things for you to know, think, and do to have the sweetest day possible.

First, know that your desire for a partner proves that a partner is out there for you. Your desires show what your soul has planned for your life. They show what is coming in the future, what you need to focus on creating, and what needs healing.

Any desire you have for a beloved, for a soulmate, shows you that one is out there for you. It tells you that this person exists, and the two of you are making your way together just as fast as you can. And I promise you that it will happen in its own perfect timing.

Also, being single right now is the absolute perfect situation for you to be in for your future relationship. If you were with someone else right now, there wouldn’t be space for this soulmate to come in.

So being single is the best thing that you could possibly be right now. Yay, celebrate! You’re in alignment with the grand plan of your life!

I know that, even if you do believe the above, you may be feeling really, really lonely. Now is the time to be with that sensation—with that emotion. Be with that ache and heaviness in your heart, even if it is a grief that feels so big it has you weeping on the floor.

It’s okay. It is beautiful. Allow it to pour out of you. It has a sort of…power, and it is also the best place for you to be at this moment.

No matter how much you may feel like you need your soulmate right now, the truth is that no one else in the world will ever complete you. You are whole and complete now, all on your own. When you can be with yourself in loneliness—even in this state of despair about being single—you can transform it.

When you can hold yourself in that intensity, you will be so much more prepared to be in a relationship. This is because you won’t be needing someone to fix you or fill you up with love. You can create an overflow of love on your own and then have enough to offer.

When you “feel-it-to-heal-it,” you won’t manifest something from that despair—that sense of, “I have to find someone. I have to be with someone. I need someone.”

That is, well, it’s not sexy for starters, and it’s just not how you manifest anything good. It actually repels good. So, what you must do is be with yourself.

If you can accept and even love the loneliness, love the heartache, it’ll be all the better. This allows you to feel yourself and know yourself as the complete being that you actually are. 

So how do we love all those sad and scared bits of us?

You can try imagining that it’s something separate from you. If you were with a beloved and they were having a really hard time emotionally. How would you offer them your love?

Well, if you were present with them, you would listen to them. You would ask what you can do for them and do it. Offer gentle affection. You just send the love you feel for them to them, an innate energetic expression. 

Psst: you can do these things for yourself. 

You can hold yourself in a space of gentleness, honor your emotions, honor your feelings, honor the loneliness. Let it be there. Let it be okay that it is there.

The more you feel it, the deeper you feel it, the less it will be there. The less it will be something that you have to avoid or even sit and be with—at some point.

When you have filled yourself up with your own love, you can manifest from that place of radiance and the magnificence of your own being, which is very sexy. Loved-up is attractive; it’s magnetic.

Like attracts like, and you want to be in a partnership that is healthy and loving. So, as you love yourself into this feeling of wholeness and emotional health, that energy radiates out into the world, bringing your match. A healthy and healed match.

Now, lastly, Valentine’s Day falls on a Sunday this year. So you might have the entire day to luxuriate in whatever comes up for you.

You get to spend the day with yourself. You might consider taking yourself out on a date or cooking yourself a beautiful meal. 


But think about this:

What better way can you spend the day than making sweet, sweet love to yourself?

This is how you’re truly going to love yourself up. Set the intention that this practice, this process, is for connecting with yourself, for healing, and filling yourself up with your own love—letting your wild, amazing juiciness flow.

So, get into your slinkiest undies, light some candles, get your favorite food-grade oil, and touch yourself in all the ways that you need to be touched.

You know exactly how you need to be touched. Give yourself that!

To bump it up a couple of notches while self-pleasuring, imagine that you are making love to yourself.

Now, if any part of you just went, “Oh no way,” or, “That’s crazy” (gross, silly, stupid, or anything like that), I’m going to prescribe that you not only do you do it this Sunday. Do it once a week until you love it.

Fall deeply in love with yourself by being in the discomfort that comes up when you imagine that you’re with yourself.

This is another place where you just have to be with yourself and your sensations—feel what comes up, and love it. 

Love it. So. F*cking. Hard.

Imagine that you—brilliant, radiant, sexy, sensual, fantastical, you—are there in bed with you

How can you love you? Oh, yes, count the ways!

This creates deep self-love—an embodied knowing that you are amazing, oh-so-sexy, and the match you manifest is lucky to have you.

There will be no doubt of how loveable and sexy you are after this.

So, spend this weekend with you (in all the ways that you want and can).

I wish you the happiest, sexiest, most sensual Valentine’s Day you have ever had.

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