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February 23, 2021

To the Little Boy who Lives inside my Heart.

Dear little one, we need to talk.

The last year was challenging.

Until then, we had such a good time together.

I always tried to keep you alive. I followed your dreams.

We struggled along the way, I denied your existence and numbed my memory of you.

But you kept screaming at me, begged me to listen.

Our mom helped us to become friends again.

The memory of her mom guided us along the way.

Your return brought back the sparkle into my eyes, which are now covered in tears.

We had everything you ever wanted.

We worked hard after we became friends again.

We surfed, played with our dog, and lived with someone who loved us.

The most amazing woman of all time fell in love with us—mostly, she fell in love with you.

Other men made fun of you, but listening to you is what made us lovable.

But then, all of a sudden, I told you to shut up.

No more time for playing around—it’s a pandemic, take a seat in the back.

We left our little paradise in Costa Rica and went back home.

I know you never liked the country you were born in.

You loved spending summers with our grandparents in Bulgaria,

you enjoyed holidays with our parents in Spain,

you found joy exploring the Alps,

you sang songs with our friends in Morocco,

you danced on the waves of the Pacific ocean,

you met the love of our life, who is American.

And now we sit here. Lonely, sad, and disconnected.

We need to figure this out little one. Please help me.

Once again, I tried to silence you.

Once again, it didn’t work.

I am ready to listen.

Can we be friends again?

This pandemic will pass.

We will be allowed to play music with our friends.

We will be allowed to hug our friends after our team scores a goal.

And we will do silly things under your guidance.

We will be loved again, when we connect.

I know, it is hard to believe now.

We are not the only ones struggling.

As our grandmother said:

“When others are mean to us, it is because they suffer themselves.”

That’s why we get hurt so often these days—It will pass.

Whatever happens in our future, we need to stick together.

I promise to listen better.

I promise to make space for you.

I beg you to stay. We are not done.

You are my friend, not my weakness.

Trust me, hold on, and better times will come—I promise.



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