Often demons tend to rear their heads over and over in our lives. Many people do not see this, as trauma is not linear and we often look the same on the outside maybe tired or stress but we cannot see the pain or suffering. A few years ago when I was suffering immensely in life and also from social media bullying that nearly took me off social media.. Sharing yourself truly on social media comes with much misappropriation and understanding. Because we are all triggered by seeing that others live differently and trying to reconcile our ego and justify our lives. What we forget is we do not need to understand another, or justify our lives, we just need to understand ourselves to be healthy and happy. And be the upward spiral of kindness and hold compassion and respect for others, even if we do not understand it or it is different, it does not decrease either value.
So I continued to share my journey because healing and living fully requires us to face it all and not hide or shrink. To face my demons I took up pole dancing alongside yoga, something I had always been interested in. What I found hard by sharing this was that I was called and am called a stripper or even in my yoga, yoga porn. However I have never been to a strip club, nor do I watch porn. But these voices made me feel ashamed although I had no reason too. We forget how our words can impact others deeply. I knew deep down I was a mother, I work a few jobs and I am not these things but all by what I wear and did, I was suddenly disrespected and disrespectful and felt so ashamed.
What I learnt about healing is our inner light is fed by the strength that we have from the adversity, limits and darkness that we have already overcome and must face. It comes from knowing that you have fallen down many times, but you always get back up again. I am learning that healing means be who you are, not ashamed of who you are. It is not the stuff on the surface that makes us feel whole or worthy, it knowing and loving ourselves.
What we as a society on social media need to remember is clothing does not define us or determine our value. Neither does body shape, skin colour, physical ability, mental ability, line of work, gender, sexual preference, family background, relationship status, number of followers on social media, bank balance, comments we receive, or a number of other things. Only we, ourselves get to choose who we are. Clothing or the lack thereof or what we do is a form of self expression and means different for each of us and society labels only separates us from love and understanding of each other not tell us who another is. We are all responsible for our own comfort and individuality.
The confidence we develop as we lay our authentic selves bare – vulnerable, broke, yet real – is what will make us both look and feel beautiful within. By playing and practising on my pole, I put myself in a safe place where I could step into the darkness and gently explore what my demons had been feeding on. As I swung and hung and enjoyed the sense of being physically strong and alive I also confronted those demons with love and reminding myself I am enough a few years ago. The thing about confronting chaos is that while it disturbs us, it is misunderstood by man and judged, it also forces our hearts to roar in way we secretly find magnificent and healing. Facing darkness does not always have to be serious. We all have own own unique light and powered and joy filling, healing tragedies to face resistance.