A high-powered executive might have a morning routine where they meditate, journal, or sit quietly with a steaming espresso, but setting up your day to be successful isn’t exclusively for business success.
By setting up a morning routine for sex and emotional connection, you’ll help increase the length and happiness of your relationship—and that’s definitely worth a few extra minutes in the morning.
What are morning routines?
Everyone has a routine, whether we recognize it as such or not. If you go to check your phone when you first wake up—that’s a routine. If you visit the loo while waiting for the kettle to heat up—that’s a routine. If you always squeeze your partner tight before climbing out of bed—that’s a routine, too.
Morning and bedtime routines (sometimes referred to as rituals) have become a bit of a trend in personal development books over recent years. It’s important to note that these routines versus what we do without thinking aren’t the same; it boils down to your intentions and why you do them.
These morning rituals and routines are meant to help ground you before your day begins. By engaging in them, you can make good decisions and power through challenges throughout the day.
Why routines can be helpful
Some people live and breathe by their routines for success, both for work and life in general—and these routines are, in nature, usually quite self-centered. Now, being self-centered isn’t necessarily something most of us strive for. In fact, it’s usually viewed negatively.
But it doesn’t have to be.
Focusing on yourself, your needs, wants, and your challenges, benefits those around you, too.
If you’re completely unaware of what’s going on inside of you, chances are you’ll take things out on people, blaming the rest of the world for everything happening to you instead of taking ownership.
Having a routine or ritual at the start of your day can help you become more aware of your thoughts and emotions which, in turn, can help improve your relationships.
Why you should establish a morning routine for sex life and relationship
So, what exactly does a morning routine have to do with sex and emotional connection?
Possibly, quite a bit.
If we surmise that a few simple steps every morning help you set yourself up for success in both work and life in general—the same theory can be applied to your relationship and sex life.
In the 90s, Ross from “Friends” told us that “…[relationships aren’t] all laughing, happy, candy in the sky, drinking coffee at Central Perk all the time!”
And though we’re long past the 90s, this still rings true. Relationships and an active sex life usually take work and commitment if they’re to survive and thrive.
As a sex therapist, I talk about this with clients a lot. Romantic films have conditioned us to think of sweeping gestures and bold statements as true romance. And although they don’t hurt, the small things are what really make a difference. Time is scarce, and it’s easier to work on your relationship through small routine gestures as opposed to fancy reservations for date night every other month.
Practicing these helpful habits often can help you see a shift in your relationship from blah to exciting.
How? Your morning routine.
How to create a morning routine for sex and emotional connection
By establishing a quick and simple ritual that focuses on sex and emotional connection, you can infuse your relationship with life.
The primary outcome of your morning routine, in this case, should be to immerse yourself in improving your relationship and priming yourself for sex. We know sex isn’t often as spontaneous in long-term relationships, anyway, so this is about finding the simplest path to activating your sex life.
One important element is getting your brain on board.
A morning routine can look many different ways and doesn’t have to include sex each morning (unless, of course, you want to include it!) or sparing 50 minutes each morning for deep conversation (because who wants to talk when they’ve just woken up anyway?).
Here are a few examples to help you feel closer to your partner (even with very little time) and to help set your day up so that sex more easily happens later on.
A routine for grounding yourself in your relationship can look like:
Connecting with a fond memory the two of you share for a few moments. You can do this on your own. Some prefer to journal about this, but it’s also effective to simply reflect for a few minutes.
Focusing on your partner’s positive qualities. These qualities can be physical or mental—either way, you’ll want to focus your energy on the things they do or the way they are, that lights you up and makes you feel connected to them.
Mentally taking yourself to a place and time where you can connect and share romance. This one focuses on the future. Take time to fantasize about things you’d like to do with your partner—whether it be something completely lofty or something quite simple; this can help you feel closer to them.
A routine that primes you for sex may look like:
Thinking about one of your favorite sexual memories involving your partner. Reflecting on these memories makes your brain actively think about sex, which can be important for many people in order to ignite their sex drives.
Thinking about someone or something you find attractive. Priming yourself for sex with your partner can mean fantasizing about other people or things that make you feel sexy; for example, an outfit you feel confident in, or the barista who makes your morning coffee. Whatever works for you!
Remembering when you felt that first butterfly of attraction toward your partner. Tap into how you felt both physically and mentally. Did you feel butterflies or did your heart jump? Did your partner make you feel literally weak in the knees?
Once you’ve started to establish a routine, you may notice more conversational moments, warm snuggles, or lusty eyes. When you prime yourself for something in the morning, you’re more likely to engage in it later because you’re looking forward to that connection. For example, a shared cup of coffee or that look they give you as you come out of the shower in only a towel.
Having a morning routine can help nurture your relationship and sex life in just a few minutes every day.
Prioritise your relationship and sex life
Morning routines can be a good way of starting the day on a positive note. If you’re interested in cultivating one, make sure to take everything into account.
You can indeed have morning routines that focus on work or your personal goals, but try creating one for sex and emotional connection, too. Doing this helps set up your life—and your partner’s life—for success. Longevity and happiness in relationships are worth a few minutes of your time, and everyone has them to spare.