To give and receive love is a basic human need—yet we can make it complicated and push love away as if it were a curse to be alive.
When operating from a place of lower frequency energy, these feelings can arise, especially if we are still holding on to our past pain, disappointments, and shadows.
The journey of life is to evolve and become the best version of ourselves.
To experience life to the fullest as we heal from our negative imprints and come into alignment with our inner being, which is abundant in every essence.
The outer journey is much influenced by the inner journey as the inner journey is influenced by the outer journey. Our soul is on a journey to evolve and ascend, and it does so through our physical life experiences.
Two of these experiences are love and relationships; they are our best teachers and healers. Understanding our given reality is a great start to clearing unwanted energy and creating a better life.
Many of us have moved from one relationship to another in search of the right one after having so-called failed relationships. We are looking for that perfect partner, perfect union, and soulmate—for that person who is going to come into our lives and make everything right. But does a perfect relationship or a perfect partner even exist?
A perfect relationship is when two people who are aligned to their inner being come together with the understanding that there is no perfect person or perfect relationship. It might take a few relationships to get to this understanding.
While we may have done our inner work and healing, we have to understand that healing is a lifelong process, and that we all have a past. We all have our set of emotions, mindset, and energy based on a life story that is different from every other story. So, how do we manifest such a relationship with this understanding?
After working with clients and on myself over the years, I have come to realise that there are two essential parts enabling us to have a healthy relationship. The first is manifesting the right person, and the second is making it last past the exciting, happy honeymoon period—which is much easier said than done.
We manifest into our lives what is in our energy.
The people who we manifest into our lives are always our mirrors, a reflection of us. They are also a reflection of what needs to be healed and released from within.
We attract all that is in our energetic bubble, including experiences, to help us dissolve the negative energies and embody more of our inner essence. Hence it is best to do the inner work before manifesting a soulmate—and sometimes heartaches might be necessary to understand our patterns and force us to do the inner work.
Throughout our life and upbringing, whether we like it or not, no matter whether we had the best upbringing or not, we go through conditioning.
We go through experiences that cause us to create patterns and blockages in our lives—either consciously or subconsciously. As children, it is easy to get affected by our surrounding circumstances and experiences, creating positive as well as negative beliefs and emotions.
Our thoughts, our emotions, our past pain and trauma, our unresolved issues, our deep-rooted shadows, our conditioning, and our beliefs all influence what and whom we attract into our life.
As the law of attraction brings us our mirror, it is also confronting us with our best teacher. Relationships are our best teachers and triggers as to what needs to be healed so that we can come into alignment with our inner being and undo our parent’s influence and all those who had a great influence in our life.
Life is always going to throw us into lessons and experiences that are going to help us heal and transcend above our blockages and limitations and come back into our true essence of unconditional love for ourselves first, so we can then love others unconditionally too.
The only way to manifest a union of unconditional love with anyone is to come into the union of unconditional love with ourselves first.
When we come into alignment with our divinity, we will start to operate from a place of abundance from within, and we will attract someone who is abundant from within too.
To achieve this, we must be conscious of our own repeating patterns and circumstances and rise above them. Meditation brings clarity and helps us to come up with a plan to make a conscious shift from within—which is the first step toward shifting gears.
I can honestly attest that my failed relationships, the pain, and disappointments of not feeling valued, of feeling crushed over and over again are the greatest blessings in my life.
The liberation that came from rising above my circumstances is priceless. It freed me from my inner child bondage and past conditioning. To feel absolutely abundant from within and to see your life start to reflect it and to finally meet someone who aligns to your soul is worth all the failed relationships and pain.
When we start to feel abundant, we want to give, we want to share, and we will attract someone who wants to give and share that same abundance with us.
It is not about focusing on someone who should value or love us. Remember, we manifest abundance from a frequency of abundance, not lack. It is about already feeling valued and loved from within where nobody’s absence or behaviour is able to change that. Nothing anyone does should have the power to make us feel any less abundant or aligned.
When we feel abundant from within, we just want to share this energy with the world. It is from this point that we are able to attract somebody who feels abundant into our lives—somebody who isn’t looking to be saved or who isn’t emotionally unavailable.
I have worked with clients who, after doing some inner work and healing, are trying to manifest someone who is going to love and value them. They often have this list of characteristics and requirements that they are looking for. While I completely understand where they are coming from, and I have made the same mistake myself, we only end up manifesting someone who is looking for the same thing: to receive instead of giving and receiving.
Instead, imagine manifesting someone who is full of love and aligned to their inner being. When we manifest from the position of feeling abundant, we can then manifest a conscious and healthy relationship.
Staying in alignment
Once we found a partner, the challenge is to stay in alignment after manifesting this person into our lives.
While we may have done the inner work, it is necessary to remember that healing and evolving is a lifelong process. Relationships are bound to trigger our insecurities and unhealed parts. We can use the triggers and repeating patterns as a way to understand what we are still holding onto that needs to be healed and worked on.
We no longer need to feed our past poison to each other. We are not projecting our past pain and insecurities onto each other.
With this understanding, we can show up for each other, work together, take turns to step up when the other is down, hold space when necessary, and have an equal understanding of give-and-take.
There is no need for mind games, control, or playing the victim because we all have our wounds.
Instead, we can be open, vulnerable, and authentic toward each other—without expecting to be saved or understood and without judgement.
When someone starts to distance themselves from us—instead of feeling insecure—we see it as giving space, which is healthy and necessary at times.
My dearest friend recently said, “Giving space is a form of showing love, especially when you just want to be around the person all the time,” and he is absolutely right.
When we are in alignment with our true essence, we will stand tall in our power and act out of integrity and love. We have this inner clarity of knowing that what is right for us will stay and what needs to go will go—and by knowing that we become more attractive to others. We are not chasing or not lacking anymore; we are attracting.
When the energy in a relationship is out of balance, the relationship is bound to fail.
When either party is unable to give and take—due to the blockages within them—it naturally creates friction. Therefore we get in and out of relationships simply because we are holding onto the same negativity, karmic energy, patterns, and behaviour as our counterparts.
Once we understand the purpose behind the heartaches or disappointments, we can decide to heal and release the patterns, and that is when we truly evolve.
Then, we can align to our inner being and manifest a partner from that frequency.
It is only possible when we come into alignment with our true essence, which is powerful and abundant. We are no longer chasing love simply because it is not possible to chase love.
Instead, we attract unconditional love by becoming the magnet for unconditional love.