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April 27, 2021

On Pain & Bravery: Do you Have the Courage to Go Within?

It Is All About You

We hear the phrase “it is not all about you” so often.

We learn that “navel gazing” is bad, and it is important to look at those around us.

There is truth there. There is a time for service and sacrifice for the people in our world. The more love we give away, the more love we have…so they say.

And at the same time, it is all about us.

Every interaction, feeling of love, feeling of hate, feeling of annoyance, or being “triggered” is about us.

It reflects how we are being with ourselves in any given moment. It is about the state of our own heart, mind, and body.

It reflects the state of our inner child and how loved and nurtured they are feeling in this intense world.

I was around someone recently who was really triggering my “little Sarah.”

When I was around them, I felt judged and less than. I felt there was a standard they had in their head and I was falling short.

My first instinct was anger.  

“How dare they judge me! They have no idea what they are doing.” I was angry. I allowed myself to be angry. I know what happens when anger is suppressed. It festers and boils and comes out in weird ways. Anger demands attention.

After I made room for the anger, I felt the pain. The pain was my little girl inside saying that she did not feel safe. She was telling me that the weight of the judgements was too much for her to carry.

I looked deeper, and what I had thought were judgements coming from someone else, were judgements I had been believing about myself.

The person in my life was merely a reflection of that truth.

The judgement I was feeling from them was simply appearing because I was already throwing those judgements on myself.

I felt what was making the little girl inside feel unsafe. I felt the lies I had been believing; the lies told me I was a failure. I would never get anywhere in life. I was not doing enough.

I allowed my pain to be felt. I breathed and made room to feel the weight of the judgement I was carrying. I sat with the pain in order to get to my truth.

Once the pain was acknowledged, the truth could come.

The truth came like a clear white light that soothed the frayed edges of my heart. It melted the judgements that were clinging to my insides like hot water melts away butter.

The truth came and said, “You are so brave. What you are doing with your life is smart. It is powerful. It is not what other people are doing, and that is okay. You are okay. You are enough, and what you are doing is worthy of praise, not judgement.”

Those words poured over my insides and cut away anything that was no longer serving me.

This was the truth. With this in hand, I held myself differently. I believed in myself again. I believed in my own worth and my own power.

The same person is in my life and will continue to be in my life, but she no longer triggers me because the truth is what reigns within. The truth that holds my space in the world and keeps my feet planted firmly on the ground.

To her, I may be falling short, not doing enough, and not living up to her expectations. All of those things may be true for her. But they are not true for me.

What I fully accept about myself cannot be used to harm me. My deep self-knowing and acceptance is my protection.

So you see, it is all about us.

It is about our internal world.

It is so easy to get stuck on the surface with what others are or are not doing in our lives.

We can live our whole lives in the finger-pointing game.

But if you have the courage to go within, you will find that what you are seeing on the outside is merely a reflection of what is already there.

When you are at peace with yourself and your life, the actions (or inactions) of others simply are. You can have preference about who you allow in your space, but the sting of judgment is gone. It simply is what it is because you are complete. You are whole. You are.

I am.

~

 

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