A spiritual teacher advised me to cut the cords with an ex.
I didn’t know any better, so I did—what a mistake.
When I intuitively “looked” at this energy cord with my third eye, it was stuck like mud on my tummy and slumped to his heart and chest area. It was about four inches thick, matte black, and looked like a tube made of tire rubber.
I wanted it gone. I wanted the thought of him gone. The aching chest pain I felt in my heart from our breakup, the ruminating thoughts about what I could have done differently, and the sweet summer night memories I feared I wouldn’t have again made me swiftly tear up. I wanted it all to go away.
I did a cord-cutting ritual with such hope. To my egotistical delight, I felt immediate relief—lighter, less pain in my tummy and my heart, and I was thinking about him less. Almost not at all. It was such joy. It almost felt too good to be true, and it was.
Eight or nine days later, I got a text message from him saying how sorry he was, how he wanted to try again and give it another chance. He wanted to see me. While that wasn’t the outcome I had expected, I thought maybe the old energy fell away, and a new opening was here.
Well, I was wrong. So, so wrong.
It was the start of an even more dramatic end to something that had already been over. We got back together and shared a lust that was confused with love, highs that took us to sexual peaks, and lows that left us both screaming, then alone. It unraveled in a way that exceeded the chaos we’d experienced the first go-round until he left me a few months later. It was a dramatic exit full of lies and shame, leaving my heart to hurt more than it ever had.
It was a big mess that taught me irreplaceable lessons. One being, stop cord-cutting.
Since then, I have learned a lot about energetic hygiene.
A part of energetic hygiene that seems to be on-trend today is the very thing that sent my energy spiraling: “cord-cutting.”
I see it do more harm than good, and here’s why.
Energy cords are like a big, long root. When we cut roots, they grow back bigger and stronger.
This is the problem I continue to see—spiritual teachers and subtle energy practitioners are cutting cords everywhere, with everyone, and advising others to do the same. The exact problems and issues we are attempting to dissolve are actually being activated and empowered.
Symptoms of cords being activated and empowered:
>> Communication challenges
>> Continual thoughts of the same memory
>> Thinking about a person over and over
>> Sleeping is disrupted
>> Feeling stuck
>> Feeling lost spiritually
>> Money woes and challenges
>> Having a hard time seeing things through
>> Gaining weight
>> Achy areas of the body (usually where cords are)
>> Ruminating thoughts and worries
>> Much chaos
How is this happening?
Everything is energy—items, bodies, emotions, all of it. All energy carries a unique signature vibration. One of the ways we learn about our signature vibration is through relationships.
Let’s take one of the first relationships we all have as an example. It starts in the womb, where we connect via an umbilical cord at around five weeks. This cord creates nourishment, connection, and flow between the mother and child, shared life force energy.
When a baby is born, the umbilical cord is severed. The mother’s body is wise to know it’s no longer needed, so it falls away. The part still left on the baby eventually heals and falls away should all go as planned (sometimes there are complications). Though the cord is cut, the connection between a mother and child is undeniable—whether positive or negative, it is there. Sometimes there is wound work that we can benefit from later in life, though that is an article for another time.
While an umbilical cord may be one of the only energy cords we can physically see with the human eye, I find it an accurate visual for energy cords in relationships—both exchange life force energy. These connections keep us tied in, thinking of people and situations, and can sometimes drain the hell out of us.
When it comes to energy cords, depending on the nature of our relationships, the emotions and interactions we come into can impact us in various ways: fast energy, slow energy, positively, negatively, or completely vanilla. In all situations, energy cords can develop, whether we are sending energy cords or receiving them.
If we are the sender, sometimes they can fall away just as a new mother’s placenta. And as the receiver, sometimes they stay a while or become problematic.
So, what do we do?
I am not inferring that we need to leave these cords be. Can you imagine if we were all still walking around with our umbilical cords? An awkward, entangled mess.
I think it is essential we pay attention to energy cords and do what we can to keep our energy fields, bodies, and minds clear.
So if we perceive energy cords like big roots, as mentioned earlier, we know roots grow back bigger and stronger when slashed in two.
To dissolve the challenges and issues we encounter from relationships, we have to uproot the cords—all of them.
Even the cords from encounters that we consider vital and healthy aren’t necessarily beneficial for us. We all have those moments when we fantasize and relish in the energy of memories. We likely do this because we have an energy cord attached to that situation. This is not a “bad thing,” but it prevents us from staying present. Threads created from good times, connected to loving memories and situations, take up space in our field, leaving less room for new to come in.
My suggestion is to observe all cords, meet them with curiosity and love, pull the roots, and watch them dissolve.
If this sparks curiosity in you, and you desire to lean in further, I have a process for you to try in a guided meditation you can find here.
You’ll be invited to call forward (in your mind, heart, imagination) a person, persons, or situation that you would like to dissolve cords with. It is done in a way that is clean, clear, and committed to dissolving the roots. Once the process is practiced once or twice, the easier it is to do in the mind, anywhere.
I would love to know if you do try it and what your experience is. May this be helpful and inspire more peaceful connections for all.