June 15, 2021

The Kind of Love that Keeps me Going.

It wasn’t love at first sight—maybe because we were blind.

How can you identify something without knowing what it is?

My whole life, I had been searching for the one. Friends were already joking about my tendency to fall in love over and over again—always with the same results.

It would be an understatement to say relationships caused suffering in my life. Some might say I wasted my whole life searching for a soul mate who doesn’t exist.

Neither of us saw this coming—and maybe that’s why it worked out.

When we met for the first time, I was probably in the rawest state ever in my life. I lived in the Costa Rican jungle, surfed every day, taught yoga, walked my dog, and just published my first book. You were also taking a break from the real world.

Both of us never really found our place in society. Both of us were struggling with mental health. Both of us got disappointed and wounded in previous relationships.

How could we know what love is?

The answer is simple: we didn’t. But we connected on a different level. We started out as friends who promised each other not to engage in any sort of romantic relationship.

It wasn’t that I was not attracted to you—I was just more attracted by our friendship.

Over time you became my best friend in the jungle. We spent almost every free minute with each other. It just felt natural. And then something changed. I started feeling an energetic connection between us that I had never felt before.

I wanted to kiss you so badly, but I was scared to lose my best friend. It took a few more weeks before we both gave in to the inevitable—we connected on a physical level.

Never in my life had I felt such a strong connection. Our first kiss set off fireworks in my brain. I remember how we looked at each other simultaneously and said, “F*ck, yeah!”

And that’s how I still feel about you—f*ck, yeah!

Often, I had the feeling in relationships that I needed to hide parts of my personality; with you, it is the other way around. You get mad at me when I am not real. You don’t want me to fit into society; you love me for being the misfit who I am—and I love you for that.

Our plans didn’t work out because of the pandemic. We had a bumpy start in our new home in Germany. Lockdown seemed to be endless, and we decided to wait for our wedding. You went back to the United States to work your ass off, and I did the same back here in Germany.

I miss you every day, but I have no doubts about our future. I can’t wait for the day when our little family gets reunited—and I am sure Snoopy Girl feels the same way.

You are my best friend and lover.

I love you.

 

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