July 12, 2021

What I’ve learned by Not Dating while Freshly Single.

I am freshly single and I am not interested in dating anyone right now.”

This is what I type, stating my opinion firmly, to reject a guy’s proposal for a drink.

“It doesn’t have to be something serious,” the answer hits back. “You are just meeting someone new. That’s all!”

I look at his photo. In all honesty, this guy is handsome, has been polite so far, and can hold a decent conversation. Yet I know that this isn’t an acquaintance meeting, this is a dating proposal—so I politely reject him again and, luckily, he backs off.

My friends are often amazed that I reject men so easily. It takes me a lot of time to get back into the dating scene when I am between relationships, sometimes two to three years. And I can tell my friends get worried that I may be hiding my pain for too long or that I am in some sort of denial about my feelings.

But I cannot describe the power that exists in being alone, how comfortable I am in my own single status.

When therapists tell their patients that they need to be alone for a while after a breakup, trust me when I say they 100 percent know what they are talking about.

It is personally fulfilling knowing that my happiness comes from within me and is not dependent and connected to someone else’s existence.

Of course, there are still days I miss being able to talk to somebody, to tell them my inner thoughts.

I still dream of weddings and babies and walking with a life partner in our old age.

I still think of my ex, wondering if there was a way we could have worked this out.

Yet these thoughts do not linger long, as dreams are just a percentage of what can make me happy—not the core of my happiness.

As I look at my screen, I know. When I am ready to date I will do it with the full awareness that this is what I want.

But for now, I can focus on my own self.


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