August 27, 2021

Sex is meant to be F*cked Up.



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Warning: naughty language ahead! 

I just recently started watching the show “Feel Good” on Netflix and it’s amazing.

But before you go and watch it, I definitely want to warn ya’ll that it’s high-key triggering. This show highlights it all: childhood trauma, toxic relationships, sexual abuse, identity struggles, addictions, all of it.

It’s great. It’s real, it’s raw, it’s (unfortunately) relatable. There are so many things I love about this show (and so many important topics it highlights), but can we talk about how wonderfully they represent sex?

There’s this one scene where one of the characters is talking to their partner about their kinks. Their partner was not into it (and was slightly disgusted), and then told her she needed to do some “unlearning.”

She replied by saying something along the lines of, “Sex is meant to be fucked up.”

I loved it.

Yes, I understand there should always be a boundary discussed when having sex, but I agree, sex is meant to be fucked up sometimes.

But what’s more important to note is that sex is meant to be safe. Sex should always be a safe enough space for someone to be able to express their fucked up desires. And let’s face it, most people have some seriously fucked up fantasies and that’s okay. It’s normal.

Having fucked up fantasies is normal and okay as long as they’re practiced safely. And having a safe space to practice our fucked up desires is important.

Also, if you are having sex with someone you don’t feel safe enough to share these thoughts with, then, I don’t know, should you really be having sex with them?

Sex is about the mind. It’s psychological. And I do understand that many of our sexual fetishes and kinks probably stem from some sort of experience we had, maybe, in childhood. (I mean, it’s no wonder why so many people with daddy issues might love “daddy” play.)

But, when do our kinks become a problem? I believe they become a problem when we aren’t letting them out in a healthy way, or when we begin to beat ourselves up about why we are having these “fucked up” thoughts.

The same goes for all of our emotions. The more we bottle up our emotions or beat ourselves up for feeling a certain way, the more likely they’ll manifest and explode out of us in a not-so-healthy way.

Anyway, my point here is that your fucked up thoughts are normal and most of us are probably having similar thoughts (we’re just too afraid to speak up about them). And that’s (part of) what’s so great about this show: it normalizes healthy, communicative, kinky sex.

And though I really do love and appreciate great, intimate, tender-loving sex, sometimes we need to get a little weird and not feel weird about it.


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