September 5, 2021

People Come & Go: Why we Need to Become our own Best Friend.

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I believe in joy (whatever package that comes in) because life is short and the negative will always be there, so why stay there?

It can take a lifetime of many and sometimes painful lessons to understand that although we may be lucky enough to have wonderful people in our lives, the sad reality is that there is no guarantee they will remain in it.

There is a lot of discussion about attachment (nonattachment in particular). I am not exactly on board with the whole “love without attachment” concept, only because I am not exactly sure it’s possible. As humans, we are wired to attach. Our attachment is natural, deeply rooted, emotional, and usually unconditional. We would have to consciously work tirelessly to not allow ourselves to attach. I don’t see that as realistic.

My true belief is that we need to focus on forming healthy attachments in which we understand that a person is not ours to keep, we do not possess them, and they have free will to stay or go (and the reality is, sometimes, they may just go).

The reason might not always make sense, and there might not always be a reason. However, the ultimate goal is to be able to handle their departure from our lives with grace while understanding the purpose of their existence in our world and what lessons we have learned from them (and visa versa). There is always a purpose and a lesson, although we might not always see it right away.

This is my true and unwavering belief.

Another one of my strong beliefs, which is even more important than our attachments to each other, is our attachment to ourselves.

I have had much loss throughout my healing journey. Some initiated by me, some initiated by others, but either way, a loss is a loss. With each loss, I have struggled with breaking my attachments. I am sure some can relate—how we hold on to others by constantly reliving the past.

It’s exhausting.

Anyone who consistently gets caught in the loop of reliving memories and focusing solely on the past understands how difficult it is to move forward and let go of our attachments. It can take years, and sometimes, in more extreme situations, we never seem to be able to do it at all.

Mindful presence is missing here.

Over the past six years, I have learned to break this cycle, despite the fact that those paths are so clearly worn and have definitely been well-traveled. It takes an incredible amount of tenacity and work to be able to carve out new pathways and adopt a healthy mindset.

Through this work, I have learned so much about myself and others. I have become more reliant on myself, listening to myself versus seeking and needing advice and validation from others, and truly started to love myself in ways that I just never imagined.

Living in the present, being our own best friend, and using past experiences as lessons that will catapult us forward to even greater healing: that is the key to inner happiness. When we know we can count on ourselves to be happy and safe, we stop living in constant anxiety and keeping the abandonment cycle alive—regardless of who walks out of our lives. We can end it by being our own best friend and our biggest support system.

One key thing to remember is that we are not abandoned—people come and go. Some are meant to stay, while others are meant to be with us for a certain purpose or period of time. Not everyone could possibly stay forever. Would you even want that?

Think about how many times someone left your life but then someone else even more amazing and relative to your current situation entered. We are all here for the same reason—to learn, to grow, to experience, to hurt, to heal.

Take the time to get to know yourself and be your own best friend!


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