I have recently read through The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz, and it has brought up some really beautiful shifts in perspective when it comes to assumptions.
We all know it is not “good” to make assumptions, yet it is something we all do.
One of the agreements we are to make to our self is to not assume, for we truly do not know the answer—but yet we assume to know. Assumptions guide us to a conclusion created in the fog of uncertainty within the mind of our own and not the mind of the person who holds the answers.
When we sit in our assumptions, we foster our fears, shame, and imposter cycles that are not made in reality. The traumas and input from the world around us influence our assumptions so much that we are left sitting in a pit of anguish (most of the time). If we assume the best, we are often let down as well. Assumptions lead us down a road of attachment to uncertainty and doubt. Assumptions breed within us a system that is unclear and that same system creates a foundation that is repeated time and time again.
When it comes to making assumptions, I ask you to keep track of how many times a day you form your own assumption about a situation, an answer, a person—even yourself. You are assuming you will have x, y, or z by this time. These assumptions create harmful narratives and perpetuate not feeling good enough (shame) and form a reality that you don’t deserve the truth.
Let’s get into that a bit more here. I have been thinking about all of the ways in which I make assumptions on a daily basis, weekly, monthly, yearly, and well, even in how I assume my life will go. Making assumptions every day within my romantic partnership has left me feeling small, rejected, misunderstood, angry, and/or sad. I could have avoided those feelings by simply asking for clarity or asking more questions and seeing the truth as they are expressing it.
When we choose to stay in a place of assumption out of fear of looking stupid or wrong, we choose to reject those people/places/things to which we are making assumptions.
I believe that as a society, we are told to not ask too many questions, to not give ourselves away, that if we don’t understand or know the answer, then there is something wrong with us. We are told not to ask why. We are taught to internalize our agony and joy. This all shows up when we choose to assume an answer rather than ask more questions.
When we ask more questions, we dismantle the systems in the body/mind that feed our victimhood. We dismantle programs that have been in place since childhood.
We are so afraid of being seen in our true state of knowing or not knowing that we shut out the one thing that could aid us in our quest: asking more questions.
When we seek, we find, and those answers are not born from the mind of others—but from within. If you are seeking answers for someone else within, you are going to come up short, for only they know the truth in which they have spoken or their experience.
You are doing a disservice to yourself and others when you make assumptions in regard to them.
Assumptions make an ass out of you and me. No one wins when assumptions are the only conclusion available. No one wins when we strip the power away from everyone involved with our assumptions and false expectations. It does not belong to me to clarify what someone else has done, said, or means; only they know the truth in which they speak.
In a world where we have been made to fear being wrong, asking questions can be seen as a radical act. You are not wrong for not knowing, as there is no shame in not knowing.
In closing, I simply welcome you and remind you to stop assuming and to ask more questions—at home, at work, out in the world, ask for directions, ask how much something is, your partner, your friends, all of it.
Stop assuming and ask more questions.
Thank you for reading as always, with love and gratitude.