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I used to think that being vulnerable meant to be weak.
To feel scrawny, shameful, and worthless. Oh my God, did I have an immense awakening!
With all the limitations being put upon us over the last two years because of the pandemic, there is a common feeling of fear and uncertainty about our future and frankly, about our own mental and emotional health.
I’ve been feeling a lot of unstable emotions and uncertainty that I can’t seem to put my finger on. I believe that sharing our feelings and having deep connections is “caring,” and it’s more important now than ever before.
With this said, I’d like to share an experience I had with my transformation coach, and in doing so, shine a light on what I think scares us the most.
Vulnerability and Change
When my coach and I got on the phone, tears began streaming down my face, for no particular reason. I had been anxious about having this call and had put it off for weeks because of my state of depression from lack of connection and feeling isolated.
The Covid “experience” of putting life on hold was affecting my emotional stability and mental state.
There was a feeling of deep sadness that I had been holding on to for a long time. Maybe even fear too. I was reluctant to show my feelings for fear of being seen as weak, or someone who can’t handle their life.
Practicing vulnerability was something I had been working on in my personal life and relationships. So I chose to be vulnerable with my coach, to do my best to be my authentic self, and to risk being seen.
I so desperately needed to be heard and I knew this was the way. Vulnerability.
As we talked, my coach held a safe container and in letting go I felt a sense of relief. It was incredibly healing speaking out loud what I had been holding in for months. We began exploring the emotions running through me and as we did, I knew it was not only okay for me to feel my feelings and cry, it was necessary. I shared with him about feeling so isolated and separated, about feeling the need to be strong in this storm, about feeling fearful of appearing “weak,” about not wanting to stand tall as a beacon of light for others as I had done my entire life. We talked about the sadness of missing my loved ones that had recently died. In a sense, I felt as if I was alone without any family. A sense of fear surrounded me about what was to come and it all seemed so scary.
“Daring greatly means having the courage to be vulnerable. It means to show up and be seen. To ask for what you need. To talk about what you are feeling. To have the hard conversations,” ~ Brene Brown
But this time? This unsettling change felt different than other alterations of life’s swerving transitions I had been experiencing. It felt uncontrollably scary and vulnerable—the kind that threatens you.
Usually, I had been the one creating change in my life and now the world around me seemed to be pushing incredible limitations that felt as if a great force was pushing against me.
What I learned from being vulnerable was that showing up wholeheartedly is truly living. Asking for help and voicing what you need is so important. We are not meant to go through life alone. I also learned that having difficult conversations can be healing.
When we understand that change is a constant part of living, we can learn to accept that curveballs are coming and oftentimes, when we least expect them.
Life is always changing, with or without Covid.
We can bank on this one. Change. Always. Happens.
Life had changed me. The obstacles and challenges of change had forged resilience, flexibility, and bravery.
Solutions and Miracles
I believe that the power of gratitude is a small miracle. When I am in a state of gratitude, I feel peaceful and happy. Both gratitude (a feeling of appreciation, thankfulness) and authenticity (genuinely expressing your true self) are something I have been learning and practicing for many years and they changed my state of being.
Although this path had been painful and challenging, it was worth it because I grew a ton and gave myself the best gift of all, which is loving and accepting myself completely.
To be vulnerable can be scary because we have stories that tell us that we should be strong, hold up the world for everyone around us, be someone else, and not show up with our “weaknesses.”
“What I experienced is that the more you pour out, the more life will pour into you. The more you give, the more you receive. The more you let go, the lighter life is.” ~ Shelley Marenka
The more vulnerable and authentic we become, the deeper and more loving our connections will be. This is the time where on a global level we are all coming together and separating in a way we never have before.
Loving Yourself More
During this time we have an incredible opportunity to deepen our relationship with ourselves, and also with others to bond with our families, friends, and the world on an entirely new level.
The vast universe has been turned upside down, and many of us are grateful for the shift that is happening.
Whatever is going on in our outside world can create what is going on inside of us. And whatever is going on inside us is reflected in our outside world. Take a moment to read that again and think about it.
This thought process offers us a chance to experience what’s wanting to be seen in each of us and feel it.
To embrace it all.
To learn and grow and become more loving, compassionate, and closer to ourselves and the world around us.
Before I got on the phone with my coach, I was feeling heavily burdened.
My heart ached.
I was depressed.
Our sessions typically don’t include tears, but sometimes they do and that’s okay.
Hope and Healing
I learned that tears are necessary. And that it is okay to cry.
It’s a way for our hearts to bleed and heal.
Tears make it possible for our emotions to be released, welcomed, and felt.
Tears are a gift to express our emotions into a river of acceptance, love, and tenderness.
I wish that when I was younger my tears would have been held in a safe and loving place. Instead, I felt ignored and abandoned in my sadness and learned how to hide my feelings instead. Our youth was our guiding post about tears. To feel or not to feel.
“Tears are not a sign of weakness, as we’re often told. They are part of the healing process of feeling our emotions so we can heal. Feeling is healing.” ~ Shelley Marenka
Don’t you feel so good after a great cry? So, friend, if you are feeling like you just want to cry, let the tears come. I’ll cry with you.
Tears Are Tiny Miracles
Tears bring healing and new life on the other side. Sometimes they bring happiness.
And another beautiful part about being vulnerable and authentically sharing? We’re able to speak what is present and most alive in our spirit and express it, feel it, and be seen. This is a tiny miracle, my friends.
Walking through this aching process with my coach and friend, Jed, I felt loved, understood, and held in my sorrow and sadness. This is what a beautiful heartfelt connection can feel like.
Releasing my emotion, I broke through to the other side with a new perspective on life.
I kind of felt like a butterfly—and who doesn’t want to fly?
“I think we all want to fly, but it’s scary even thinking about it. “What if I fall,” we ask? But oh, “What if you fly?”
Following our coaching session, I felt a soulful state of gratitude and peace for our deep connection and the sun was shining so much brighter.
My dear friends, now is the time for us to let go, lean in, and surrender, feel our feelings, heal, improve our relationships, be in gratitude, and let God lead the way.
Hope is here for us and creates miracles.
A simple act of picking up the phone to check in on a friend can make us both feel better. You too can be kind to yourself, brave, and courageous. It’s in you.
The scriptures give us hope and encouragement. Romans 15:4
We’re humans. We need a connection. We need each other. We need hope.
When we get in touch with the gentleness inside, we can move mountains.
The world needs you. I need you. We are waiting for you.
What are your thoughts about connection and sharing your feelings?
How do you feel about tears, vulnerability? Please share in the comments below if you feel inspired.
Personal growth and transformation are beautiful gifts, my friends. It’s a choice.
Btw…love yourself more.