December 7, 2021

The more Sensual we Become, the More Fulfilling Sex will Be.


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We use the word “sensuality” in a variety of ways.

We use it connected to sex, as the foreplay, the lead up to sex.

We use it connected to experiences of touch, of sensation.

We use it connected to massage and sensual massage, which usually, depending on our understanding, means something genital.

To expand this and to deepen our understanding of sensuality, let’s look at a few things—beginning with sex.

For most of us, sex is a goal-oriented genital activity—the goal being orgasm.

There’s often not a lot of intimacy in this, especially when it’s about doing what we have to do to reach orgasm—when our eyes are closed, when the lights are off, when we’re in some fantasy in our heads, and when our minds are wandering all over.

Sensuality, connected to this, is about our whole bodies—from our heads to the tips of our fingers and our toes. It includes all of our senses—taste, touch, smell, sight, sound, feeling, sensation, energy, and more than all of those, the heart.

And as soon as the heart is there, as soon as our hearts are in all of these elements, there is intimacy. And that changes so much.

Intimacy gives the experience a richness, a depth. Intimacy brings us into being present. Intimacy is often what we’re looking for, in sex, and in life, because intimacy is about “oneness.”

Even when we have “just sex,” the moment of orgasm, no matter how brief, has a moment of that connection, a moment when we dissolve into oneness.

And then sensuality is a whole lot more. It’s a path to presence, to awareness, to being more conscious, and to being more connected—to ourselves, our bodies, our hearts, our breath, and to life.

Desire is in sensuality—the desire for life, in all its expressions. To feel everything we can, to experience the fullness of this body in all it can experience.

Sensuality is how we experience life, each other, love, and desire.

Through our eyes, all that we see. Through our ears, all that we hear. Through our mouths, our voices, and all that we taste. Through our touch, our skin, which is actually a sense organ in so many ways, perceiving, feeling, connecting with what’s around us all the time. Feeling energy, feeling the air, what’s in the air, the waves of life touching us in every moment. Waves of light, of sound, of emotion, of feeling. Waves that come from the person right next to us, and waves that come from far out in space.

Through everything in this body, most of it we’re not even aware of, comes sensuality.

The more present we can be in our sensuality, the more present we can be in life.

There are so many moments, so many micro-practices for us to be more aware, and in this our sensuality is a path to deeper energy experiences, and to deeper consciousness.

And it’s all within us. We have it already.

We are sensual beings. We’re just going to shift how we do it slightly, and all of a sudden it becomes a spiritual practice. An awareness practice. A pause practice. A connected practice. A oneness practice. It’s all within us.

Often we look for it in complexity, in ideas, concepts, and rituals. They’re great, these things.

I love to learn, and often all that we’re doing is feeding the mind new ideas. A voracious mind of constant consumption.

Sensuality drops us into the body, simply and easily. There’s no struggle. Nothing to overcome.

I often talk about the wisdom of the body. In sensuality, we feel it. It’s direct experience.

When you wake up in the morning, take a moment to feel your body, feel every part of your body.

When you put your feet on the floor, take a moment to feel, really feel, just for a breath, the earth beneath your feet. Even if you’re on the fifth floor of a building.

Coffee—morning coffee can be an amazing sensual experience. Smell the coffee, really breathe the aroma in. When it’s made, the same thing, one breath. The first sip, close your eyes. Taste it in your mouth, just one sip. Then drink the coffee.

A morning shower, a moment, one moment to really feel the sensation of the water on your skin.

Getting dressed, the cloth, whatever you’re wearing, on your body.

Opening the door and feeling the air on your face, one moment, whether it’s hot or cold, one breath.

Pause for a moment, hear what’s around you, city noises, people, birds, quiet, whatever it is.

There’s no judgment in these moments, just the experience, just the feeling. Present in the sensation, in the feeling. Awareness.

From this you can see how many moments in a day there are to be sensual and conscious. The first bite of a meal. The first touch of your lover’s hand. The more of these moments there are, the more there will be.

We become more present. We become more sensual. We become more intimate, with ourselves, and with life.

We started this by talking about sensuality in connection with pleasure. These are the ways that we experience more pleasure. It’s in our presence in the moment of experience.

Then sex becomes different, deeper, more fulfilling, richer, more varied, as a natural expression of this, of us.

Intimacy is there naturally. Sensual beings at play in the field of life.

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