January 27, 2022

We’re too Harsh with Ourselves.

I’m not always great with self-talk.

But I guarantee you, I am one of the first people to build someone up, especially when they are feeling down.

I’m one of the first to remind them of their power and strength and appeal. And I do this before honoring my very self in the same loving way.

No doubt, social media has increased the amount of negative self-talk we indulge in as we constantly compare who we are to someone completely different from us.

One of the worst habits I nurture is telling myself how fat I am. That because I am overweight, I’m not attractive and no one will want me. It’s horrible, and I know it’s not right.

These thoughts have been my biggest struggle for most of my life. And yet, when I’m on TikTok and I see plus-sized women smiling, dancing, and fully owning their bodies and themselves, I immediately think, “They are so f*cking stunning. I wish that were me. I wish I were that beautiful.”

But somehow, I don’t summon the same kind of loving words for myself as I do others, even knowing someone probably thinks the same of me. Because somewhere along the road, I was told I don’t deserve that kind basic love.

Those women, who I admire so, even struggle with the harsh word vomits from relentless social media trolls who equate physical looks to human quality. And I just wish they knew, even in those moments, how f*cking gorgeous they are. I wish they knew how much I admire them for the bravery it takes to embrace themselves in all their magical form.

So, like anyone, I need reminders to be kinder with myself and the things I say in my own little bubble. And one of the best reminders I have ever seen regarding how we think about our body image comes from Dove. Their inspiring campaign challenges the negative beliefs we hold about our body image.

What we don’t realize is we see a sliver of ourselves each day. We only have the ability to view ourselves when we look in a mirror, or walk past a window and see our reflection.

We don’t realize that those who are constantly in our space get to see us when we smile, laugh, cry, speak, sleep, dream, eat our breakfast, listen to music, brush our hair, read books, or do anything that we love.

They get to see us in so many unique angles of beauty and realness. They see us in ways we just don’t or won’t ever see ourselves. And it’s for this reason, we don’t realize just how lovely we are. It’s for this reason, we can’t understand or fathom how someone could love us so fiercely.

Simply, they see what we won’t be able to.

So, I’m here to tell you, and myself, that our charm, our beauty, our authenticity, it’s there. That allure we don’t believe we have—it’s 100 percent, without a doubt, so obviously and undeniably there.

We’re just too harsh with ourselves.

And when we are kinder with ourselves, we become kinder with others. We are liberated of our insecurities.

So have your bad days if they come to you. But if you need to be reminded to be kinder to yourself, write it on your bathroom mirror or download the “I Am” app to your phone for constant reminders of your magnificence.

And please, please watch this video.


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