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February 7, 2022

Repressed Emotions: The Harmful Side Effects of Avoiding our Pain.

 

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Greetings lovely people and happy Monday!

I was on one of my daily morning runs to let off some extra energy when I realized something about myself. I have been trying to listen to my body and her messages more because my body has so much wisdom to offer me. When I tuned my awareness into what was going on below my neck, I felt how much I was holding on to.

It didn’t feel heavy per se, but it felt like a great weight of energy. Almost like a knot inside of me. Then I began to move my awareness upward and discovered that my jaw also felt the same way—tense and like there was a knot.

I was holding something, but what was it and what would it be like to release this energy?

Then a bigger question came to the forefront of my mind, “How long have I been holding on to this?”

So many of us go about our daily activities unaware of all the extra “baggage” we carry around. By baggage I mean energy that has been caught inside our bodies. This energy could come from many places: experiences, emotions, other humans, trauma, and so on. This baggage weighs us down and keeps us from experiencing life as we are meant to—moment to moment.

This energy is not stored by mere coincidence. This energy comes from different parts of ourselves that we don’t want to see or deem as “bad.”

As we grow up, the people around us (perhaps our caregivers), as well as society, constantly tell us how to act, how to be, what to feel, and what not to feel. Depending on how we were raised, we may have been shown that certain emotions or states are things that we need to hide in order to be accepted, such as anger or sadness.

We were taught that the only acceptable states to feel were happiness, joy, or contentment, and everything else was something to feel shameful about. I recall this happening to me when I was younger. My family didn’t know how to regulate our emotions, let alone talk about them.

Growing up, I was taught that crying was a sign of weakness and that experiencing a bad emotion meant that I was not in my “right mind,” or rather, my logical mind. The same was true for anger; I was an angry child. However, because this emotion was not accepted by those closest to me, I hid the feelings I had experienced. I would pretend that everything was okay and that I was an agreeable person.

It felt as though I was a teapot full of boiling water, and at any moment, I could explode in a fiery rage, which I ended up doing many times. After experiencing these volcanic eruptions of anger, I would feel immense shame and wonder, “What just happened to me?” I would say things that I did not mean and do things I could never imagine myself doing when I felt contentment. It felt as though there was a demon inside me.

In a way, there was (at least from my viewpoint). I demonized my anger because I thought that it only led me to more pain and sadness. I didn’t understand myself, and because of this, I felt that no one would understand me.

I feel that most of us might feel this way (especially when we are young). We are taught to keep things at surface level and never talk about the pain and anguish that we might be going through because it might make others uncomfortable.

But what is so wrong with feeling uncomfortable? This is how we grow, people. This is why I believe that we suffer more than we need to.

We resist pain or “negative” feelings, such as anger, shame, and grief, and push them down to the deepest parts of ourselves. But we fool ourselves if we think that these feelings do not continue to affect us and linger within our thoughts, actions, and reality.

In order for us to really move through the suffering and find contentment, we must first be okay with suffering. We must be okay with moving through the hard feelings and coming to terms with the notion that life will not always be sunshine and rainbows.

The more we become okay with feeling this way, the more we will be open to these experiences. The more open we are, the more we will be able to let them go instead of holding on to them.

When we hold on to them, they fester within us. They create pain and blockages that keep us from living in alignment with our true selves.

It’s time to stop fighting yourself. It’s time to stop swimming upstream, and instead, open yourself up to the river called life.

This river is full of different states, experiences, and emotions that might be hard to process and go through, but I promise you that you have the strength and the ability to go through these feelings and more.

They will not only bring us into alignment but will also teach us the importance of letting go and letting it flow. For the more we try to hold on and control ourselves and our lives, the more we will suffer.

I have been here before and believe me, it is not a joyful place to be.

Ask yourself, “What would happen if I just let go?” and, “What would happen if I stopped resisting?”

Remember this: what we resist, persists.

Until we can do the hard thing and move into the fire and uncomfortable moments, we will always be weighted down by some sort of baggage that we carry.

And I promise you, we can do hard things! I know that you already have done hard things to get you to where you are now. You can do hard things and you will continue to do hard things because you are a warrior of truth, peace, and light.

This is your reminder today to let go. Breathe and just let go. I promise you that the world will open up so much more when you do.

I am so grateful for all of you and this community that we share together! Feel free to comment below your thoughts, feedback, and insights.

Rylee

 

 

~

 

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