February 3, 2022

The Most Mindful way to Find Closure after a Breakup.


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As a therapist, I listen and provide support to those who are struggling in relationships and those who have just broken up and are brokenhearted.

I too have struggled with a broken heart, and often at the end of a relationship, one feels left with a yearning for closure.

In some ambiguous, confusing relationships, you are left wondering and trying to make sense by asking yourself, “Was this real or something I made up in my heart and head?”

Let’s face it right now. Relationships are confusing. Right now, many couples are separated due to the pandemic, and virtual messaging has so many downfalls. We are meant for connection. Distance and separation are huge barriers for true intimacy.

While having lunch today with a young female mental health therapist and male dietitian, the younger colleagues shared their pandemic heart struggles, and closure was one of them. We all agreed while sipping our coffee that closure can be something that we create for ourselves. It can be connecting to our own heart center and reminding ourselves what we received from the connection as well as what we offered.

My heartbreak bible, “Eat Pray Love” by Elizabeth Gilbert, recommends that we send our former lovers peace, love, and light. This is something that I practice, and it is hard, especially in those early days when you might have raw emotions of hurt, rejection, or abandonment.

Sending peace, love, and light might come off as too new age or positively ridiculous during the early stage. If this is the case, we can start with self-love.

Self-love can look like many things. I encourage a heart-opening Metta meditation for a start. Connecting with friends and family is extremely important. Often when grieving the end of a relationship or accepting the illusion of something that we wished for (like an unrequited love), many people want to isolate. This might be what we want; however, it is not what we need, so reach out.

Peace, love, and light begin in our own hearts. Self-compassion is the start, and it goes a long way. The love that you feel helps collectively right now, even if you do not believe this to be true. The self-love and the love you send out ripple and spread.

If you are finding your heart heavy and weary today, put a hand on your heart and feel your heart beating. Feel the warmth from your hand over your heart and breathe in deeply. You are here and you are with yourself. You are what matters. Every relationship is a gift. Some are meant to be brief, and others are meant to last a lifetime.

We all yearn for our “forever” person, yet it is the relationships along the way that prepare us for that “forever person.”

Sending loving vibrations to you!

~ Renee


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