“Guilt over your pet’s death is real.” ~ a community comment. This, and the title, and other helpful comments, can be found here.
Honestly I keep walking into rooms and he’s there but he’s not there of course and then I cry all over again.
I hate that he’s outside and cold…
…and gone and dead when he was always following me into every room to be close by and he was always so warm and silly and up for fun and curious and excited.
I honestly think I killed him, obviously not intentionally but that surgery when his heart was weak shortened his life by years, he was so active and healthy still. And of course I did everything I could but even on the last day, maybe the cold of the water made him shiver more. Of course I love him or loved him I guess past tense, now, but life is so fragile and I messed up. Even if he had lived I would have been so sad eventually. But it’s not about me and he could have had years more.
Thank you for letting me write and share photos of him being silly and my and others’ love for him. It’s been healing or cathartic and open and I am so sad and messy and mad right now and so alone and I love my alone but I am out of practice.
He made alone so warm.
I’ll close the fundraiser tomorrow, if you want to give I’ll use it to memorialize him and plant a good local flowering tree to cool this earth and his grave, but also to pay it forward and extend our love of our dear pets to all animals, by giving whatever is extra beyond what the tree and a memorial cost, to a local sanctuary.