June 30, 2022

How to Have the Sex we Desire (& Deserve) Using Mindfulness.

Sex is a hot topic everywhere we turn.

There are tons of articles written about the sex we want and we deserve. Living our best life is about getting that “satisfaction” as Jagger so staggerly sings.

We are more open now about sex and sexuality than any other period of time. We as a society have grown, and we are learning and growing together.

Mindfulness is another hot topic and mindful sex even hotter!

The mind-body connection is huge, as well as sexual healing and tapping into that stuck energy and allowing flow. When energy is flowing, we are healthier—both mentally and physically.

Mindful sex is therefore a tool for being completely present, enjoying the experience to the fullest. In our day and age, this is a struggle, as we have so many things that pull us away from mindfulness and away from ourselves and each other.

How do we have mindful sex and get the sex we desire and so deserve?

Read on, dear one, and take a tiny pause here. Be mindful of this moment:

Slow Down

If you are rushing through this piece, even skimming through to find the juicy part, I encourage you to get comfortable reading this. Slow down. The art of mindfulness is in this moment. As you are reading, take time to digest each word. Start reading out loud. Listen to the sound of your voice. When our minds are racing, we are not operating mindfully. This gets in the way of good sex. If you are constantly thinking of the act instead of experiencing it or even anticipating, mindfulness goes out the window and so does the joy of sex. Slow down and come back to the sensations of your body. Now breathe.

Mindful Breath

Regardless if you are having a solo experience or with your partner, come back to your breath. This is the start and the root of your orgasmic experience. Luxuriate in breathing and relax. If you are with your partner, breathe in and out together, merging and matching your breath. This act alone creates intimacy and connection. You might even notice that the act of breathing together is enough to turn you both on. This simple act is stoking the internal fires. You are taking time for yourself and each other.

Eye Gazing

If you are alone in a mirror, gaze into your own eyes and your own reflection with loving-kindness, appreciating the lines and curves. We can practice a mantra while we do this, saying something that is loving to ourselves while breathing and being mindful of our inhalation and exhalation. This might sound way out there, and it might be for you at first, and this is okay.

With a partner after matching your breath, look into each other’s eyes while continuing with your breathing. Try to keep your gaze without breaking. You can blink and move as needed; just try to keep your focus on each other’s eyes, sending loving thoughts and thinking about love. This is done without words. The eyes are the windows to our souls some say, and with eyes open, we are creating trust, safety, and telling our partner that we see them and accept them. With eyes wide open, we are being mindful of connection and desires.

After Eye Gazing, Move to Gazing over the Whole Body

Our nakedness is a true test of our vulnerability and openness. Stand before each other and lovingly take in each other’s physical form. Take turns with this and do this with a loving gaze without talking. After gazing and taking in your lover’s form, come back to their eyes; this reaffirms and connects back. Return to your combined breathing, inhaling and exhaling together or in tandem.

Effleurage and Lying together

I know you want to get to the sex part, but this is mindful, and there is no hurry. Lying down beside your partner, take turns with a gentle caress, starting at your lover’s face and working your way down and then back up. Be gentle with soft strokes. This is then combined with the breath.


Listen to how you both respond to touch. Tune into the sounds of each other and your breath. Share what feels good and what feels strange. Ask for what you want and need. Engage in all of your senses.

This is just the start.

Go slow and and ask for what you want and ask your partner for what they need.

The act of lovemaking is a process; it isn’t a race. Take your time to mindfully “get there.”

Remind yourself that “getting there” isn’t the intent; it is the connection and expression of love, which is giving and receiving.

Remember, mindfulness matters, especially during lovemaking.

Namaste, dear ones.


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