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How would you rate your level of resiliency?
Resiliency means that we are able to handle challenging moments and come out stronger. It means that we are able to bounce back after an obstacle or setback. Resiliency also means that we are able to embrace the hard emotions and learn important lessons from the challenges.
Resiliency can be built and it is most important when times are tough.
Now let’s talk about what resiliency does not mean. It does not mean that we run and hide during tough times and hope it goes away. It also does not mean that we ignore difficult feelings and stuff them down with our favorite distraction. Resiliency does not mean that we isolate ourselves and never lean on our support system when we need it the most.
Resiliency is an amazing skill to have because as we all know, life has its tough moments. Everything in life is cyclical and comes in waves; that’s why we call it the ride of life. When we have resiliency, we are able to acknowledge that the good times will come again and there’s nothing to fear when we hit an obstacle. Having resiliency means that we are able to grow and evolve through the lows of life and embrace the highs as well.
But how exactly do we build it, especially if we are used to running away when things get tough?
Well, that is why I wrote this article today. See, I was a professional at ignoring difficult emotions, using every distraction possible, and fearing any major change. But, recently, after some huge life shake-ups, I have learned to love the difficult times. I’ve realized that I come out stronger and more sure of myself after a particularly tough time in life. And above all, I’ve learned that happiness, love, and good feelings come back even stronger after a challenge.
So, here are the five most effective ways to build resiliency:
You can start doing these now, even if life is feeling easy for you. This way when the tough moments come around, you can implement them. Change is never something to be feared; it actually means you are going through the next evolution of your life!
Which one of these ways are you excited to practice?
1. Embrace the unknown. Humans love to think that they are in control of their life and what happens to them. This belief is partly true; we can control our actions and what we think to a certain extent. But for the most part, humans may not be in control of anything. This is why tough times feel so challenging; it’s because something unexpected happens and we were not prepared for it. So, one of the most effective ways we can build resiliency and learn to ride the waves of life is by embracing the unknown and acknowledging that some things will happen that are out of our control.
We can also learn to embrace the unknown by having a solid daily or weekly routine in place that keeps us at our best. Then when the unexpected happens, we can still have our rituals and practices that keep us grounded. Our routine can consist of anything that makes us feel present, whether it be journaling, writing, creative hobbies, or connecting with loved ones. When we build a strong relationship with ourselves and honor our self-care, we will welcome the unknown with open arms.
2. Make peace with fear. What do you think when you read the word fear? You probably want to run and hide or start watching a video with cute puppies. Anything is better than having to deal with fear, right? But the thing about fear is that the actual feeling of it is way worse than what you are fearing. See, we have this thing called ego and the ego loves to keep us safe—or at least tries to do that. The ego thinks that by instilling fear and anxiety and adopting a scarcity mindset that we are remaining safe. But all the feelings do is make us feel worse about a situation that hasn’t even occurred yet.
Recently, I learned to reframe fear in a way that served me instead of stopping me. I now like to acknowledge fear when it comes up and honor those feelings. And then I promise myself that I will not let it control my actions or thoughts. Fear can still have a say, but it doesn’t call the shots.
I also remind myself of all the tough times I have gotten through in the past and reassure myself that I can handle anything that comes my way. Ever since that reframe, fear has been awfully quiet lately.
3. Commit to growth no matter what. Ever since I started my own self-development journey toward more happiness and purpose, I have learned to love change. When everyone else around me is dreading change, I am the one who is saying, “Bring it on!” The reason I love change so much is that I know I will learn more about myself and come through stronger on the other side. And that’s really what life is all about when we simplify it, right?
Through my most challenging life changes, I have realized that those times have made me who I am today. That I wouldn’t be where I am without obstacles, challenges, and major shake-ups. That I had to go through a painful breakup in order to meet my soul mate. And that I had to watch a loved one go through health challenges in order to realize just how strong I am. It was in these times that I experienced immense growth and resilience like never before.
Once you realize that changes and challenges are there to make you stronger, you’ll never look at life the same way again. So, embrace the change and realize that the growth you will experience will be better than what any book or course can teach you.
4. Inspire those around you. The human experience is largely a guessing game for most of us. We go about our day doing the same tasks (for years on end) without ever questioning. Many have asked, “What is the point of it all?” Once I started on my own self-development journey, I soon realized the answer to that question. The point of life is to find our own version of happiness and inspire those around us to do the same. When I am living out each day to the fullest and following my heart, I find that I am able to give so much more to others. I am able to be more kind, loving, and supportive because I know that I am being true to myself. I am not trying to compete with anyone; I am only competing with the person I was yesterday.
When I am able to uplift other people, I feel that my mission here on Earth is complete. The more love you can show yourself and spread to others, the whole planet will benefit. So, next time life decides to throw a curveball, inspire yourself and everyone around you to be the absolute best version they can be. Resiliency will have no choice but to show up.
5. Become your own best friend. The majority of humans nowadays are disconnected from themselves. Humans, unfortunately, spend most of their time with their heads in their phones and computers. With endless information and entertainment thrown our way, it’s painfully easy to be distracted. But when life gets tough, the first thing people want to do is grab a hold of something outside of themselves in an effort to feel better—whatever their favorite distraction is, whether it be shopping, food, social media, TV, and so on. But the way we can build resiliency and face the tough times is becoming our own best friend.
So, when life gets tough (which it inevitably will) you know that you have your own back—no matter what happens. You will be reassured that you won’t have to depend on a distraction that is ultimately unreliable.
Becoming your own best friend can look different for everyone; that is the beauty of the human experience. So, lean into yourself and really learn who you are at the core.
What makes you happy?
What makes you feel safe that you can always count on?
What do you want to do with your life here on Earth?
When you have the answers to those questions and can follow your heart, it won’t even matter what is happening externally.