December 18, 2023

I Miss Being a People Pleaser.

Like many people, boundaries have become one of the mainstays in my personal and professional relationships over the last few years.

Once you meditate for long enough, you naturally start to feel your true internal yeses and noes emerging on a regular basis. Things you once agreed to through the lens of not wanting to disappoint others starts to feel pointless.

Your own needs and comforts become a priority, and you find yourself more courageous in stating your true wants to yourself and then eventually to others. Over time it becomes easier for your actions to align with your real desires. This is an amazing transition, and meditation has a way of taking people to this place. After boundary setting becomes as natural as people pleasing once was, what seems to follow is more clarity and ease in manifesting your goals.

So, this personal shift I have made to honoring my authentic sense of what is right for me has become an incredible way to live, and I’m proud of the efforts I’ve applied to get here. But also this week I shed a tear, missing my people pleasing years. I have to admit I had a lot of fun being enmeshed in other people’s lives. The excitement, the drama, the sense of connection, and then the sense of loss when things went awry was exciting. I am sure drug addicts sometimes miss the roller-coaster ride of using and don’t think all of it was bad.

As humans we have this amazing power of choice. There doesn’t in fact seem to be a right or wrong way to live. There are just ways to live, and then the corresponding result to that choice.

As a die-hard people pleaser, I had a lot of laughs and a sense of community and my phone always blew up with people wanting my attention. At times it gave me a real sense of purpose, which I enjoyed. I also had a lot of burnout, felt stressed and pressured by other people’s problems, and often was on the receiving end of drama, resentment, and anger. However, I got to share a lot of love with people in a way that was truly beautiful.

Nothing is one thing, our choices have tones, textures, and complexities attached.

I feel such a strong sense of love for my people pleasing years and wouldn’t change one iota about those choices. It was what it was with all of its layers.

But at a point, I was ready for something different. I wanted more energy for myself, so a change had to be made. I opened my energy school and completed my book and am now composing an album. I have more time and space that people pleasing once took up.

The energy involved in accomplishing these tasks includes often feeling lonely and a little isolated. I don’t have the sense of human connection I had in the past. But in this space I feel creative and have a sense of realness and gratitude for this time to just be lonely and untethered and see what expression comes from this space.

One way of being isn’t good and one way of being isn’t bad; each just are what they are.

This is one reason it is useless to compare our journey with others. One person might be digging some people-pleasing time and finding it brings them a sense of satisfaction, and another person might want to set boundaries and explore the limits of their own personal needs.

Each way just is.

And we all have the free will to change at any time, if we are able to muster up the courage and willpower to steer our life in the direction we desire. This is to say there is so much power in letting ourselves just be who we are in this moment and letting others just be who they are in this moment. Whoever you are being in this moment will generate an array of experiences, thoughts, and emotions, and then those are the ones you will experience. There is true magic in this alchemy.

The part of the egoic mind that compares and contrasts everything can really deplete your energy overtime. Moving toward a curiosity about our experience versus giving attention to a critical voice that judges each choice is a true path to increased freedom and peace. Each person has the free will to do this—if they choose to apply it.

What alchemy is your present experience magically bringing you?


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