Change Your Entire Life with this Simple Technique from Thich Nhat Hanh. It’s Kind of Amazing!
Photo: Grosso
To be beautiful means to be yourself. You don’t need to be accepted by others. You need to accept yourself.
~ Thich Nhat Hanh
I was visiting a friend in New York City this past weekend as we discussed various elements of all things spiritual.
Discussion of teachers, techniques, paths and so forth culminated into some personal and candid sharing with one another. She knew some of my past but not all of it. She’d never heard the stories of my self-inflicted cutting, or that I used to sleep on a dozen sharp knives because it gave me a sense of being alive in an otherwise empty and fleeting day to day reality. Then there was the suicide attempts, numerous trips to emergency rooms, rehabs and psych wards, all of which she took in stride.
As I went to sleep in my friends cozy guest bed, I reflected on those dark times and how truly transformative the following technique taught by Thich Nhat Hanh has been in turning my life around. I also thought that since it’s worked so well for me, it may work well for you too.
It’s extremely simple and can be done anytime, anywhere and in virtually any circumstance.
The following is my translation and is not verbatim. As Hanh teaches, however, it’s not the words that matter but our commitment to, and intention behind the practice.
So with that being said, I’ve broken it down to seven simple steps for you.
1. Whenever you become aware of negative thoughts and emotions arising, rather than ignoring them, or setting them aside for later, identify, acknowledge, and honor them.
2. Become very clear on what the specific upset is by identifying the exact thoughts that are bothering you. Are they self-judging, bad memories, or anxiety about future events? Any thought that causes dis-ease in you, regardless of past, present or future is applicable.
3. Next, indentify the specific emotions that arise in you as a result of said thoughts. What do they feel like? Is there tightening in your chest? Is your stomach turning or is there a throbbing sensation in your head? Again, any emotion that causes dis-ease is applicable.
4. Once you’ve clearly identified the thought(s) and emotion(s), close your eyes and explore the imagery they subsequently create in your mind (once you’re familiar with the practice, you won’t always need to close your eyes—i.e., if you’re driving, or in public you can still do this.) Do the thoughts and emotions create colors, shapes, figures? Are they abstract or clear? The important thing is to let your thoughts and emotions create the imagery while you simply become aware of what they are.
5. Breathe. We’re at the half way mark and I’d like to offer you a sincere congratulations on completing the first half! Our natural tendency is to suppress these uncomfortable thoughts and emotions, often telling ourselves that we’ll deal with them later—but honestly, does later ever come? Unfortunately for most of us, it never does. So even just by taking the time to become conscious of, and identify these unpleasant thoughts and emotions is a huge step! Let’s not stop there however, because here’s where the really good stuff starts to happen.
6. This step is where everything begins to change! Once you have the mental images of what your thoughts and emotions look like (and even if there’s no image at all, this practice still works), picture yourself holding the image (or lack thereof) in the same way a mother holds a newborn baby. Picture the image of your painful thought and emotion wrapped in a warm blanket, being held with very loving care closely to your heart, your chest, as you extend it very sincere compassion from your heart center. (You can also use the imagery of wrapping the thought/emotion in a warm blanket and placing it in a baby carriage, and rocking the carriage back and forth.)
7. Next, mentally (or verbally) say to the image that you know it’s there and you promise to care for and hold it with compassion until it’s ready to go. Do your best to say these words from a very sincere place in your heart.
Through bringing our attention to the image of our painful thoughts and emotions, and tending to it with an open heart, we’re doing the most natural thing we can—expressing love. Instead of ostracizing our uncomfortable thoughts and emotions and their unpleasant effects, we show them pure, complete and inclusive love. It’s a love they’ve never known before, and a love many of us have never known before either.
The thoughts and emotions will often subside very quickly. Sometimes, however, they aren’t ready to go so fast, and that’s fine. When we initially told them we’d be with them as long as they needed us, we were sincere in that intention. So if/when the thoughts and emotions call us on it, we honor our words and hold them dearly in our heart for as long as it takes.
So that’s the practice. It truly is that simple and I’m forever grateful to Thich Nhat Hanh for the amazing results I’ve had with it in my life. This practice can be used on everyday minor things all the way to heavier memories of our most difficult life experiences. It’s all relevant, it’s all grist for the mill and it can all be healed.
Please comment below if you try this practice over the coming days. Even if you don’t have success (which I highly doubt), I’d love to hear about your experience with it. Also, if there are other techniques and practices you’ve found to be beneficially healing in your life, please share them as well!
It’s all Love, it’s all One, so let it shine!
Al Green – Love and Happiness (Live from Soul Train!)
Ed: Lynn Hasselberger
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Thank you for sharing Chris! And thank you for your openness, it's always such a gift to share our journey. Thich Nhat Hanh has been a very positive influence for me as well, this is awesome! Much love.
Thanks for taking the time to read it and your comment
Thich Nhat Hanh is just so full of wisdom! Much love back.
I am so moved by this, I feel like just keep writing to you.
Thanks for the share!
Amazing how you are helping people through this, helping to accept "those bad feelings and bad memories".
I wish you lots of happiness and peace in your path. Wow! I hope one day I will meet you in person. You are going to get a big hug from me.
God Bless.
Thanks so much Maria. It truly means a lot! Bows
just reading these steps gave me a lightness that felt freeing. I have always known in my heart that avoiding the bad feelings were not the way to go but never really knew what to do with them…having the visualizations you outline here is beyond helpful. thank you and peace
So happy you found this to be of benefit Pamela and I really appreciate the comment. To our healing!! xo.
Thank you for this; a very interesting way of dealing with things. I haven’t tried offering love to my problems, hurts etc although I usually try to look at them objectively and be as rational & sensible ad I can. Next time, I will try this and see how it works
(Phone playing up & I can’t amend the typo…!)
Thanks for your comment Lezlee. It's certainly not the only way to deal with life's day to day difficulties, but as I said in the article, it's been the most transformational for me. Just holding the thoughts and feelings rather than pushing them away… that alone complete flips the script on our typical paradigm of dealing with things and opens space for new possibilities. Bows.
Thats a really great technique Chris , thankyou
Thanks to you Julian. Glad you're digging it. Peace.
Along these lines… I just recently learned this. When the negative thought arrives, I say to it "Well hello, old thought, I see you are there." It creates an acceptance but also a distance. This space in between my soul and my brain allow for perspective and pause.
Thanks for this article, Chris.
Ah yes, I love that Kelly! Thanks for sharing
Very interesting. Thank you for your comment, what a nice addition.
Thanks for checking it out Gabriela. Love.
A really great technique to use, certainly a vast difference to the "normal" reaction of anger/fear/shame/blame/etc. Thanks for reminding us there is a better way.
So simple yet indeed, revolutionary. That Thich Nhat Hanh is always dropping knowledge. Thanks Gary!
I love Thay and I love you.
And I love you right back Joan. Thank you. From my heart to yours. Bows.
Not 2 minutes ago I put it out there to the Universe that I want to be enough…enough for myself. Not 2 minutes later I found your post. I shall try. Thank you.
Wow jogerl… Isn't it wonderful when these serendipitous thing happen!? I'm honored and humbled to be a vessel to let the transmission reach you through. Thanks for your comment. Love.
I'm struggling & really needed this right now. Thanks so much for sharing.
I'm so glad it found you when it did Michelle! Bows.
I've listened to a guided meditation, not too long ago, that followed the same principles. I have to admit, it shook me a bit, it took me by surprise and I may not have been ready to face my negative thoughts and emotions. There's a lot of pain there, not everyone can handle it. Reading this though, I decided to confront my "demons" by writing my thoughts down on paper. This way, I was able to follow them and to understand the cause of my suffering-the only way, really, to deal with it-. I understand that I should recognize the pain, not shove it off, accept it as a part of my life that is out of my control and also recognize the beauty and the good things in my life that are a separate part and that I can control. I think realizing this, really helped. Recognizing and accepting both pain where suffering comes from and also where beauty comes from and separating between them, as well as honoring both. So thank you for this, it is very practical and empowering. Although, again, it needs to come into someone's life at the right time in order to have the strenght to face these fears.
"Recognizing and accepting both pain where suffering comes from and also where beauty comes from and separating between them, as well as honoring both." I love that Gabriela. Beautifully said. Thanks so much. Love.
Thanks. I'm going to print this out and use it.
Thank you Sybil. You doing all sentient beings a favor by putting this practice to work and with today's events here in CT, it's obvious now more than ever we could all use it. Much love to you.
thank you so much!!!! what book is this from?
Thank you Apoorva. It was actually from one of his audio books, though I'm sure he's probably spoken on this in at least one of his books. I don't recall which audio book exactly, I have so many of them.
Wouldn't it be great if this were taught to everyone at a young age. How to care for our feelings early so this is natural for us. Reminds me of a book I read decades ago called How To Love Every Minute of Your LIfe. I don't even know if it's still in print but it was similar in it's philosophy. I think this is great info! Thank you.
Absolutely! I was speaking with Stephen & Ondrea Levine a few months ago and they brought up the idea of a third grade compassion class. How amazing would that be? I'll look up the book you mentioned. Thanks so much. Love.
Thank you Chris!
My thanks to you Irene. Love.
Beautiful song … love soul music! Gracias!!!
Thanks Catalina! He's one of the best
[...] Change Your Entire Life with this Simple Technique from Thich Nhat Hanh. It’s Kind of Amazing! (elephantjournal.com) [...]
Thanks for the Rev Al Green – love the song, still dancing to it.
So glad to hear it Susan! Let it shine
Dear Chris,
thank you for your article. Yes, I have found this practice very helpful… It’s also been helpful, in that it supports and reinforces another similar practice I do… in Inner Relationship Focusing practice, we learn to “say hello to” and “be with” our inner experience, in a listening and deeply caring way… http://www.focusingresources.com/downloads/pof1.p…
here is another link, about the connections between focusing and zen.. .http://www.focusing.org/spirituality/zen.asp
thanks again, and all best wishes!
Rosa
Thank you so much for sharing those links Rosa. I'll be checking them out tomorrow! Take good care
tried it…
worked great
So glad to hear it! Thanks for the feedback. Bows.
Thank you for letting me know this loving beautiful technique.
I started right away and a quality known from my childhood arose…
A negative thought disappeared. It is the same thought coming many
times, and now I stopped and embraced it.
I suddenly remembed myself as a selfconcious lively child.
Now I will continue this listening and healing of the negative thoughts.
I wish you all a Merry Christmas and a HAPPY LOVING New Year!
Light and love, Hanna
I'm soooo glad to hear that Hanna. Made my morning for sure! Thanks for sharing your experience. Much love to you.
I also have to say; I read this book by Thich Nhat Hanh this summer:
The Art of Power, it is called. A very intelligent and loving, friendly and
humble book for all to read and treasure!
Yes, I've read that and definitely loved it! I'm yet to read anything by him that hasn't thoroughly moved me!
Beautiful, genuine, generous & useful, like everything you share here with us, Chris. Thanks ever so much! Sending you LOVE
Sending you love right back. You're beautiful and supportive words mean so very much! Thank you
Hi Chris, thanks for the article, clear and concise – good for us with short attention spans.
I did something similar to this (exactly once) where I just didn't run away or get up and look for something to distract me from the pain. I sat at my desk at home and felt incredibly sad but allowed that to absorb me/become absorbed by me. Visually, it was like a dark fog and I was at the center and – like you said above – it passes very quickly once you agree to stay with it. I absorbed that fog into myself and it was over within moments of it starting. And by absorbing it, it didn't make me darker, just the opposite.
I still have that initial instinct of wanting to run from pain whenever it comes up – I believe that's human nature. And there are definitely times where I try to avoid the pain, but I also know sitting with it is the only way to finally absorb it and let it go – or have it let you go.
Thank you.
Absolutely Nathalie! I too more times than not feel like running! I'm I'm not perfect at this practice. Sometimes I still buy into my own drama, even though I know better. This has changed things so significantly for me though and it's wonderful to hear others are benefiting from it as well!!! Thanks so much for your comment
Bows.
[...] Change Your Entire Life with this Simple Technique from Thich Nhat Hanh. It’s Kind of Amazing! (elephantjournal.com) [...]
Found this in the middle of the night, having been woken by an anxious nightmare and having felt very difficult emotions when my partner who struggles with "Borderline Personality Disorder" reacted poorly.
With my partner having stormed out, raging, instead of following or feeling powerless I followed these steps and feel lightness and such a soothing warm love for myself. Such relief <3 I feel very grateful, thank you
While I'm terribly sorry to hear about your experience, I'm so happy the practice was helpful for you. I too used to date someone with BPD and when she went of her medication it was one of the most difficult times in my life. I was not familiar with this practice but wish I had been at the the time. Sending you love and well wishes. xo.
Thank you. I too am struggling and needed this right now. I will be practising tonight.
Sorry to hear you're struggling Lalita but sending you my best wishes and hopes that this practice helps with what you're going through. It's truly been wonderful for me personally. Love to you.
[...] http://www.elephantjournal.com/2012/12/change-your-entire-life-with-this-simple-technique-from-thich… [...]
[...] graciously and lovingly by Thich Nhat Hanh, such beautiful words to address such [...]
[...] Change Your Entire Life with this Simple Technique from Thich Nhat Hanh. It’s Kind of Amazing! (elephantjournal.com) [...]
[...] http://www.elephantjournal.com/2012/12/change-your-entire-life-with-this-simple-technique-from-thich… [...]
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[...] Change Your Entire Life with this Simple Technique from Thich Nhat Hanh. It’s Kind of Amazing! [...]
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Thank you. Your sharing about your own dark places give me confidence that this practice can work for me.