Dear Lover: 5 Simple Things I Wish You Would Do For Me. (Adult) ~ Freya Watson
Caitlin Knowles via Tamara Hayes via Pinterest
Sometimes it seems as if making love becomes overly complicated. All these articles about how to do it properly.
All the frustration at boring or mechanical sex.
All the confusion about what women really want, what men really want and whether the two sets of needs can ever happily co-exist.
And then I look at you, my lover, and know that sometimes my body just seems so alien and different from your own—all those hidden parts, and extra bits, and emotional complexities thrown into the mix. So I’m paring it down to some basics—just five little things that will keep me purring in your arms and bed, and make you feel like the love god you’re capable of being.
1. Look into my eyes. Take the time to connect with me. Stroke my cheek if you want, or my hair, but stay focused on me. Forget about work, or what has to be done next, or even the petty argument we had earlier. I’m here, now, in front of you. Make me feel like nothing else matters at this moment except this. I want to feel the light of your attention on me, drawing me into a world where there is only you and me—even if it’s only for a few moments.
2. Kiss me. Properly. Taste my lips. Slowly. Don’t rush in, all tongue, trying to accomplish a mission. Savor the kiss as if it’s your favorite glass of wine (even if you’re not a wine connoisseur, you get the idea). If you even just kiss me properly, once a day, that would go a long way to making me your cheerful, loyal, friend (now I’m sounding like a dog!). But honestly, kissing is one of the basic life skills if you want to get ahead with a lover. And a good kiss starts off slowly and delicately; sensing, tasting, before very gradually letting the tips of our tongues meet; building the intensity, growing the passion. It can be an aperitif that prepares the taste buds for what’s to follow, or it can be a full-blown meal in it’s own right.
Caitlin Knowles via Moi via Pinterest
3. Don’t forget my neck. Such a cliché, I know, but it makes me swoon when you gently nibble the side of my neck. Like some old-fashioned movie hero and the heroine who goes all limp in his arms when he kisses her neck, I succumb totally when you let your mouth work its magic on those few inches between my shoulders and my head. Lift my hair so you can trail kisses on the back of my neck, sending shivers down my spine, making me hope you’ll work your way downwards.
4. Make love to my nipples. Yes, I love it when you roll them gently between your fingers, and when you suck them, flicking them with your tongue. But please, I’m not a machine and they’re not buttons. Slow down. Take it gently and work your way inwards from my breasts. Make me want you. Tease me a little. Wait until they (and I) are begging to be touched before you do. Then touch gently, slowly at first (a bit of repetition here, eh? Gently and slowly!) This teasing makes me hungrier for you. And when you finally take a mouthful, put your heart into it. Suck like you are drawing energy and pleasure from me (which you are). Feel that primitive pleasure of suckling.
5. Get to know my clitoris. (I have to admit it’s a tie for fifth place, between touching my clit and asking that you tie me up and dominate me. But I’m going to cheat, because I know that if you do nothing but these five things, I’ll be like putty in your hands anyway, so tying me up would be totally unnecessary.)
It took me years to figure out how my clit worked—what touches she likes, for how long, and where else in my body the feelings resonate. I don’t expect you to miraculously be able to unlock her secrets as if you have one of your own.
And yet, she still responds remarkably similarly to your beautiful penis—the same feeling of swelling up when I get aroused, the same responsiveness to touch, the same sensitivity to being licked and sucked. Get to know her better, make her your friend and you’ll deepen our friendship. Experiment—and (those words again!) slowly and gently find out what she likes, and what she loves. I could get very technical and suggest you try x number of strokes at a particular pace and pressure, but, as I said, I’m not a machine. So find out for yourself what works for her and what doesn’t. Don’t be shy—I’m happy to lie back and let you play with her, for hours if you want.
With much love and in anticipation of a deeper connection,
Your Lover.
Like elephant journal gets sexy on Facebook.
~
Assistant Ed: Lori Lothian
Ed: Kate Bartolotta
Incorrect source, offensive, or found a typo? Or do you want to write for Elephant?
How does a deeply spiritual, open-hearted, earthily sexy woman live in modern world that values the material, guarded and polished? This is the foundation for a lot of what I write about - how we ground our heart-felt truths into the everyday experience of relationships, work and family. My books include 'The Beautiful Garden', 'Sexy Spirit' and the 'A Heart to Share' trilogy (fiction), all available on Amazon, as well as a new series of books for young children. You can find me on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/WatsonFreya and I blog sporadically at http://www.freyawatson.wordpress.com.
Oh my…..exquisitely written, vicarous experience at its best, sister Elephant Journal author. I write for the site too(:
You have nailed, sweetly with spirit, the love letter (& guide) I'd most like to receive from an intimate partner. Oh, how we each may stumble, when left to speculate! I've requested this form of communication, several times, and few have come close to your gem craft.
Right on sister!
UH HUH!
A most wonderful rendition of how things can be – I swear you were in my head with my thoughts when you wrote this!
Beautifully said!!! I was getting aroused just reading it
Absolutely perfect. Thanks.
It's heart-warming to know it hit a chord with you all – thank you for taking the time to read and to leave comments. Much love, Freya.
LOVE! Truth! Thank you for sharing!
Beautiful.
WORD.
This article belongs in Cosmo magazine. but not on a spirituality and yoga website, IMHO! This is an example of why I never ever link or refer my friends and associates to EJ.
Hi,
Thank you for taking the time to read and post a comment, regardless of your reservations. For me, bringing greater awareness to sexuality and empowering intimacy between loving partners can bring a profound healing into their lives and into the lives around them. It also deepens the flow of love in the world. I consider this to be part of how we ground our spirituality into our lives in a tangible way. But I would love to hear your views, if you'd like to share more – either here or in private.
With much love,
Freya.
there is nothing more beautiful then the connection made between two people who are taking the time to show each other how much the other means to them. simple touch can do much even when not finishing in sex.
[ insert confused look, here, regarding a comment above ]
I'm curious how communication and sexuality isn't deemed, by some, as spiritual enough to grace a site oriented towards yoga, spirituality and life itself.
I speculate that even Patanjali was conceived, carnally. Life is, after all, rooted in sexual behaviors, sexual experiences, and sometimes, transformed via sexual expressions, at least while we R, physically manifested.
I celebrate liberation and radical inclusion, which I feel EJ is accomplishing, eloquently.
You make decisions based on what you feel is right for you.Sex and love are two different things one can be based on having adventure,fun and danger the other based on long term togetherness.Don't mix up the two sets of feelings.I wish I had taken more lovers I am still very sexually able in my late 50's with a high sex drive my wife is not.This can become very frustrating and cause problem's maybe the solution is an affair based purely on sex??
Hi Mike, thanks for reading and commenting. I wrote a piece last year (not sure if the link is still live: http://www.yoganonymous.com/co-creating-sexual-in… which relates to what you say about dealing with different sexual needs. Love, Freya
The comment on sex and love being different has sat with me since I read it. My experience is that when we bring ourselves fully to any situation, it deepens it. Its not uncommon in our societies to have head separated from heart and heart separated from genitals. When they operate together, life is more fulfilling. I find that when I bring love and sex together, regardless of whether its with a longterm or a casual partner, it is a much more rewarding experience. Freya.
so…i'm just gonna go ahead and print this out for my future lover. thanks!
[...] they get really into a song, how they posture when a really hot girl walks by, and how most of them genuinely want to be good lovers. I love how different they are from me and how similar they are [...]
Makes me wish I was in a loving relationship so I could share this….sigh. So, I guess I'll bookmark it
Hey Michele, you still have it to look forward to so
[...] [...]
[...] for some reason. It wasn’t sex I was after, anyway—it was loving touch. The kind of touch a new lover naturally showers on their beloved in the early days of exploration and [...]
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