Dear Lover: 5 Simple Things I Wish You Would Do For Me. (Adult) ~ Freya Watson

Via Freya Watson
on Jan 21, 2013
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Caitlin Knowles via Tamara Hayes via Pinterest
Caitlin Knowles via Tamara Hayes via Pinterest

Sometimes it seems as if making love becomes overly complicated. All these articles about how to do it properly.

All the frustration at boring or mechanical sex.

All the confusion about what women really want, what men really want and whether the two sets of needs can ever happily co-exist.

And then I look at you, my lover, and know that sometimes my body just seems so alien and different from your own—all those hidden parts, and extra bits, and emotional complexities thrown into the mix. So I’m paring it down to some basics—just five little things that will keep me purring in your arms and bed, and make you feel like the love god you’re capable of being.

 1. Look into my eyes. Take the time to connect with me. Stroke my cheek if you want, or my hair, but stay focused on me. Forget about work, or what has to be done next, or even the petty argument we had earlier. I’m here, now, in front of you. Make me feel like nothing else matters at this moment except this. I want to feel the light of your attention on me, drawing me into a world where there is only you and me—even if it’s only for a few moments.

2Kiss me. Properly. Taste my lips. Slowly. Don’t rush in, all tongue, trying to accomplish a mission. Savor the kiss as if it’s your favorite glass of wine (even if you’re not a wine connoisseur, you get the idea). If you even just kiss me properly, once a day, that would go a long way to making me your cheerful, loyal, friend (now I’m sounding like a dog!). But honestly, kissing is one of the basic life skills if you want to get ahead with a lover. And a good kiss starts off slowly and delicately; sensing, tasting, before very gradually letting the tips of our tongues meet; building the intensity, growing the passion. It can be an aperitif that prepares the taste buds for what’s to follow, or it can be a full-blown meal in it’s own right.

Caitlin Knowles via Moi via Pinterest
Caitlin Knowles via Moi via Pinterest

3. Don’t forget my neck. Such a cliché, I know, but it makes me swoon when you gently nibble the side of my neck. Like some old-fashioned movie hero and the heroine who goes all limp in his arms when he kisses her neck, I succumb totally when you let your mouth work its magic on those few inches between my shoulders and my head. Lift my hair so you can trail kisses on the back of my neck, sending shivers down my spine, making me hope you’ll work your way downwards.

4Make love to my nipples. Yes, I love it when you roll them gently between your fingers, and when you suck them, flicking them with your tongue. But please, I’m not a machine and they’re not buttons. Slow down. Take it gently and work your way inwards from my breasts. Make me want you. Tease me a little. Wait until they (and I) are begging to be touched before you do. Then touch gently, slowly at first (a bit of repetition here, eh? Gently and slowly!)  This teasing makes me hungrier for you. And when you finally take a mouthful, put your heart into it. Suck like you are drawing energy and pleasure from me (which you are). Feel that primitive pleasure of suckling.

5. Get to know my clitoris. (I have to admit it’s a tie for fifth place, between touching my clit and asking that you tie me up and dominate me. But I’m going to cheat, because I know that if you do nothing but these five things, I’ll be like putty in your hands anyway, so tying me up would be totally unnecessary.)

It took me years to figure out how my clit worked—what touches she likes, for how long, and where else in my body the feelings resonate. I don’t expect you to miraculously be able to unlock her secrets as if you  have one of your own.

And yet, she still responds remarkably similarly to your beautiful penis—the same feeling of swelling up when I get aroused, the same responsiveness to touch, the same sensitivity to being licked and sucked. Get to know her better, make her your friend and you’ll deepen our friendship. Experiment—and (those words again!) slowly and gently find out what she likes, and what she loves. I could get very technical and suggest you try x number of strokes at a particular pace and pressure, but, as I said, I’m not a machine. So find out for yourself what works for her and what doesn’t. Don’t be shy—I’m happy to lie back and let you play with her, for hours if you want.

With much love and in anticipation of a deeper connection,

Your Lover.



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Assistant Ed: Lori Lothian
Ed: Kate Bartolotta



About Freya Watson

How we ground our heart-felt truths into the everyday experience of relationships, work and family is the foundation for a lot of my work. Finding our 'truth' is a challenge in itself, but living it day to day is an even bigger challenge. My books are available on Amazon and you can also find me on Facebook and read more on my blog.


51 Responses to “Dear Lover: 5 Simple Things I Wish You Would Do For Me. (Adult) ~ Freya Watson”

  1. snuggleyoga says:

    Oh my…..exquisitely written, vicarous experience at its best, sister Elephant Journal author. I write for the site too(:

  2. jim fry says:

    You have nailed, sweetly with spirit, the love letter (& guide) I'd most like to receive from an intimate partner. Oh, how we each may stumble, when left to speculate! I've requested this form of communication, several times, and few have come close to your gem craft.

  3. Nicole Weinberger says:

    Right on sister!

  4. RightView says:

    UH HUH! :)

  5. Debbie says:

    A most wonderful rendition of how things can be – I swear you were in my head with my thoughts when you wrote this!

  6. Angelina says:

    Beautifully said!!! I was getting aroused just reading it 😉

  7. Mindy says:

    Absolutely perfect. Thanks.

  8. singingflute1 says:

    It's heart-warming to know it hit a chord with you all – thank you for taking the time to read and to leave comments. Much love, Freya.

  9. LOVE! Truth! Thank you for sharing!

  10. Noreen says:


  11. Coraline says:


  12. Auki says:

    This article belongs in Cosmo magazine. but not on a spirituality and yoga website, IMHO! This is an example of why I never ever link or refer my friends and associates to EJ.

  13. dusty says:

    there is nothing more beautiful then the connection made between two people who are taking the time to show each other how much the other means to them. simple touch can do much even when not finishing in sex.

  14. jim fry says:

    [ insert confused look, here, regarding a comment above ]

    I'm curious how communication and sexuality isn't deemed, by some, as spiritual enough to grace a site oriented towards yoga, spirituality and life itself.

    I speculate that even Patanjali was conceived, carnally. Life is, after all, rooted in sexual behaviors, sexual experiences, and sometimes, transformed via sexual expressions, at least while we R, physically manifested.

    I celebrate liberation and radical inclusion, which I feel EJ is accomplishing, eloquently.

  15. Mike says:

    You make decisions based on what you feel is right for you.Sex and love are two different things one can be based on having adventure,fun and danger the other based on long term togetherness.Don't mix up the two sets of feelings.I wish I had taken more lovers I am still very sexually able in my late 50's with a high sex drive my wife is not.This can become very frustrating and cause problem's maybe the solution is an affair based purely on sex??

  16. Freya Watson says:

    The comment on sex and love being different has sat with me since I read it. My experience is that when we bring ourselves fully to any situation, it deepens it. Its not uncommon in our societies to have head separated from heart and heart separated from genitals. When they operate together, life is more fulfilling. I find that when I bring love and sex together, regardless of whether its with a longterm or a casual partner, it is a much more rewarding experience. Freya.

  17. Natalie Baginski says:

    so…i'm just gonna go ahead and print this out for my future lover. thanks!

  18. […] they get really into a song, how they posture when a really hot girl walks by, and how most of them genuinely want to be good lovers. I love how different they are from me and how similar they are […]

  19. Michele says:

    Makes me wish I was in a loving relationship so I could share this….sigh. So, I guess I'll bookmark it :-)

  20. […] for some reason. It wasn’t sex I was after, anyway—it was loving touch. The kind of touch a new lover naturally showers on their beloved in the early days of exploration and […]

  21. Anisa says:

    Hello there, I discovered your site via Google at the same time as looking for a comparable topic, your site came up, it looks good.

  22. Alma says:

    Thanks Freya for such a beautifully written letter. It touched my heart.

  23. Elizabeth says:

    Thanks!!! I love this article! Touching, Realistic, Natural, Live!!

  24. Thank you, that’s all I can say right now, just thank you.

  25. Jessica says:

    I strongly believe that our bodies are the vessels which take us in our spiritual journies, and the more we know about them, and the way we can improve their functions is an absolute plus to the way we direct our minds. On the other hand, men have different needs, and in my experience, if we let them know how we really feel and what we really like, or how we can be able to expand our pleassure in a way that they could also be able to experience it (call it connection) then they can learn how to open the gate to that bridge. Tnx for sharing.

  26. Joyce says:

    You did such an amazing job articulating what you want. I loved this article!

    I am so fortunate to have a man who does all of these things and more and I want sex with him ALL OF THE TIME! I can never get enough of him. And the cool thing? He just intuitively KNEW me and knew what I needed and wanted. How cool is that? But for those men who maybe aren't so intuitive, I would say, study this article…know it…implement it and then look out! Your bedroom is about to get a lot hotter!

    Also, I think part of what makes my partner so intuitive is that he really can connect, emotionally, to me. That, I think, is the most crucial point in turning sex into an intense, intimate, deep, electric, love making experience. My partner and I really engage our emotions and open your hearts to each other. Of course this can really only be done if you feel emotionally safe with your partner. Meaning…you feel completely safe and comfortable being who you are without fear of judgement or rejection; you are open with your feelings and aren't afraid to tell him exactly how you feel about him, what him being in your life means to you, and how much you love and appreciate him. And vice versa. My partner is constantly telling me how much he loves me and how much I mean to him. I read once that you start making love to your woman first thing in the morning and all day long, simply by being kind, loving, respectful and by sharing your feelings. I think being emotionally vulnerable is one of the hardest things to do. Especially for men who value portraying a 'macho' image. I say, a measure of a man's strength is in his ability to be vulnerable, not in his ability to be 'tough'. 'Tough' may work well in a bar fight but 'tough' alone, won't get a man anywhere near my bedroom door. :)

    Other tips…

    Also try breathing in each others' breath. OH MY GOD! The day we stumbled onto that little gem was a game changer. There's something so erotic about taking in his breath because it feels as though I'm taking in his essence…the beauty of who he really is.

    Also…undressing. Slow down. Take your time. Anticipation is very erotic. The next time your lady is wearing a blouse or sweater with a lot of buttons seize the opportunity to build anticipation by unbuttoning her top very slowly…interchanging the tips above (looking in her eyes, kissing her lips, kissing her neck, etc.) with unbuttoning one button at a time. If this doesn't make her want to rip your clothes off, nothing will!

    Sex is AMAZING when two people can connect emotionally. There's really nothing like it.

  27. Sharona Zee says:

    Bingo..slow down and give me a chance to want it (you)

  28. Andy says:

    Top tip girls: Do NOT send this to your lover unless you actually intend to offend him or become quickly single again. Hell…why not simply tell him he's useless in bed, hand him a 5 item checklist, and tell him that you're gonna keep score? Then see how he responds. Making love should be dynamic, spontaneous, passionate, and MUTUAL. If you're not happy then try talking and consider his emotions and desires as well.

  29. Joshua says:

    Delicious! Your vulnerability and honesty are such a multidimensional turn-on for me! I appreciate your letter and find myself wondering what you would say about what your lover might do the other 90% of the time you are together to help you stay hungry for him…

  30. Jean says:

    I'm a very lucky lady and my liover is proficient at all these thògs.

  31. Jenna B. Wiser says:

    Anticipation is everything!!! Unless your past that phase and then the heat of the moment is everything. But after that there is the climax. Good God!! That’s the point where you scratch everything else before yet know that was what made it so great !!

    Confused yet?? Me too. 😉

  32. Erica says:

    Amen, sister.

  33. Monica says:

    Nailed it

  34. Diana Lyerla says:

    Made me wet…but then so does accordion music.

  35. Adam Bailey says:

    Excellent article! Well written too. I'm glad I took the time to read it. This is the information men like me are always asking from women: "Tell us what you want." Not just in love-making. . . but in all areas of a relationship. It must be a more pleasurable and satisfying experience knowing that both partners are getting their needs met and enjoying the experience. Thanks!

  36. Amy E says:

    This article is incredibly sexy (and offers great advice). Unfortunately, this is the last article I'm reading before going to bed…alone. :(

  37. n.eddy says:

    I'll have what she's having.

  38. Jeanette smith says:

    Could not but inspired to say it equally or better

  39. Peaches says:

    Luscious and perfect. Oh, my!

  40. NoOne says:

    Number 2 made me think of the people who try to eat your face when they kiss.

  41. vilma says:

    Wow. I truly enjoyed this article Freya. I believe that true love is the essence of life in itself and true intimacy can only be experienced at its highest level with someone you are connected with at all levels in life…like in a musical symphony. Lovers or platonic experiences are missing the ingredients of essence from a spiritual point.

  42. Melina says:

    <3 Yes.

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