Date a Woman Who Knows Everything (& Nothing). ~ Renée Picard

Via on Oct 11, 2013

Villers_Young_Woman_Drawing

So I’ve read a lot of these in the past year:

Date a girl who practices hot yoga. 

Date a girl who can sew. 

How to date a girl who writes (my personal favorite).

What we do (hobbies, work, roles) matters. It says something about our souls. But I also think that we can get too caught up in what we do when how we are matters more. So here is my version.

Date a woman who knows the beauty of being alone.

Date a woman who is hard-headed, who is not afraid to speak her mind, who can be stubborn and passionate and wants to have the occasional debate because she wants to learn how you think and how you see the world. She questions assumptions (including her own), explores ideas, breaks molds. She is naturally curious. She wants to be stretched.

She wants to change your mind and she wants her own mind changed.

Date a woman who knows fear, sorrow, loss. Who isn’t scared to get naked. She knows that her own beauty lies in knowing her true value (but now and then she forgets, and then you can step in to remind her).

Date a woman who knows her way around her own heart and is not afraid to break it. She knows what it wants and she stands up for it with conviction.

Date a woman who knows how to make real eye contact, because she values intimacy. She thrives on her capacity to build authentic relationships and surrounds herself with only this kind.

Date a woman who knows that she loves at least one thing fiercely: her children, her work, her art, her trade, her garden, her animals.

Date a woman who knows that taking/offering space to grow can sometimes be the best kind of love that one person can offer another, even when this means saying goodbye.

Date a woman who you are unsure of at first, not because she doesn’t seem like enough but because she scares you a little bit in her realness. Yet she continues to surprise and challenge you in this very way every time you see her.

Date a woman who knows how to laugh at herself, who might sometimes just crack the corniest jokes but they make you smile anyway.

Date a woman who sees as much possibility in sitting in silence as she does exploring every nook: world, body, mind, soul. She holds a quiet confidence. She walks with purpose.

Date a woman who knows that her heart is fragile. When it becomes too melty and heavy she might tuck herself away to feel better: let her. Then drop her a note or stop by for tea to lighten her up (she will need this but might not be able to ask for it).

Date a woman who will drop everything in a millisecond to help a friend in need.

Date a woman who knows that love is something that comes from inside, not something that she can ‘get’ from someone else, because she knows that she is love(d).

Date a woman who accepts herself today but (gently) pushes herself to be better the next. You will want to do the same by just being around her.

Date a woman who understands the problems with being ‘too busy.’

Date a woman who is sure about this one thing: that we can never really be sure about anything.

Because life is fluid. And each day she realizes how beautiful and scary this is, and so she humbles herself to it. She starts each every day looking to learn, experience, create, teach something new, because she knows that this is what makes life (worth living).

Date a woman who knows art and music. She may not create it herself but she needs it to move through her because it makes her (and the world) better.

Date a woman who understands the value of taking a risk, who is not afraid of making a mistake because she knows how to pick herself back up after she falls.

She’s ready to accept your offer to help her up the next time she does.

Date a woman, not a girl. But when the little girl in her comes out now and then (and she will), you will still love her as the woman that she is.

Be with—no, know—a woman who wants to understand herself a little better each day. She wants to understand you too. You may not have met her yet, but in a way she already does.

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Ed: Sara Crolick

Image: Wiki Commons 

About Renée Picard

Renée Picard is an editor and columnist at elephant journal. She prefers real conversation over small talk, red over pink, ocean over mountains. She leads life with a soft-but-fierce heart. For her, writing is an instinct, craft, a heart-thing. For more, check out her personal blog or her Medium page. You can also follow her on FacebookTwitter and Instagram.  

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Comments

72 Responses to “Date a Woman Who Knows Everything (& Nothing). ~ Renée Picard”

  1. mahaayoga says:

    Pretty good criteria for choosing friends too :)

  2. just a typo "Date a woman ( who is left out here ) knows that love is something that comes from inside,not something that she can ‘get’ from someone else, because she knows that she is love(d "

    this is wonderful . Love thyself.

  3. Andi says:

    So beautifully put, thank you for this… It will become my #1 re-read list for days gone sideways… I can already tell.

  4. Isabelina says:

    Finally, a portrait of a woman I can relate to! I don’t write or practice yoga, but I can know myself and live deeply.

  5. myriamsofialluria says:

    YES!!

  6. Carol Wheeler says:

    Wonderfully done, and made me think about all the splendid men who have recognized all this in me, and doted on it, making for a slightly tearful morning, but way worthwhile. Thank you.

  7. christine says:

    i thought this article was so moving…

  8. Victor says:

    Extremely well written. These qualities are those which my partner has allowed me to see and share . Your writing serves as a reminder of how blessed we are to be in each other’s lives..

  9. Linylle says:

    I read this 'first thing' on a Monday morning at work while sipping my first cup of coffee. What a great way to start the work day & week! I really thought you must have been following me around (chuckle)… You've captured some of the most wonderful attributes I admire about other women, and humbly about myself.

  10. Dave says:

    You make things too complicated. Most men just want a woman who is attractive and easy to get along with. That's it. Just someone who is cute and has an easy going personality.

  11. Dave says:

    Kimberly: My comment is only derogatory if you make it derogatory. Don't be so sensitive, most women (and men) would take it as a compliment if someone described them as being cute and easy going. I know it seems hard to believe but these are by far the most valued qualities that guys look for in a girlfriend. Everything else is icing on the cake. (feel free to run with that icing/cake metaphor).

    smallgrl: It's not just you.

  12. Alayna-Renee says:

    Dave: I'd be offended, because "cute and easy-going" implies one's best qualities lie in passivity and appeasement. It has hardly been my experience that this is what men look for. Actually, I've been told men are and have been attracted to me because I am challenging, intellectual, creative, and open up a world of possibilities and new experiences. I am extremely complex, not easy going, not cute. Yet, I have rarely been single in my life, and I must conclude that many men (and women) are attracted to a woman of substance.

    That is what I took away from this article…"Date someone of substance". Nothing worthwhile comes easy, and "easy-going", "cute" companions rarely help you grow as a person. :)

    To the author: I think this is a lovely article, and I don't think you should wish to be less complex or less insightful. The world needs more substance and intensity, not less. :)

    *Hugs*,
    *~ Alayna

  13. Hunter says:

    I enjoyed the writing and ideas. The qualities remind me of women I still adore even when we part ways.

  14. Tracy Taitoko says:

    All so, so valid comments and it seems a consistent statement from certain men, that they want 'light-hearted' & 'fun' & blah, blah something much less than something of substance. People have different ideas about what they want from relationships I guess and maybe it's a reflection of age/ stage of life too. But the best relationships Ive had by far are those where each is willing to engage one another because that's where the juice is…yet couples do need to have FUN too. All fun, or all intensity is rarely a successful formula. I know what I want: & it's JUICE! & Renee's writing reflected me & what I want to be seen for in an intimate relationship perfectly. Bring it ON!

  15. adventuress10 says:

    Hi Renee, great article. I felt I was staring into the looking glass when I read your article. It was literally what my life has been these past 18 months. Thank you for the real, honest & heartfelt writing.

  16. theartsyfartsychick says:

    Have I mentioned how much I love this? No? I love this… looooooooove it. :)

  17. Divine says:

    This is probably the BEST blog I've read in a while. You summed up everything I would have wanted many people in my life to understand in an almost incredible accuracy. For someone like me who has only done about a couple of comments in open blogs, this says a lot. It's one of those rare blogs you want to keep for as long as you can. Thank you SO MUCH for sharing.

  18. Ali Rifai says:

    I can't express how much I relate to this post. I am also writing something along these lines and your post gets us thinking as well. The way you put your words and stated how a woman should be is strikingly similar to the person I want to be with.

    Thanks Renee for such breathtaking words

  19. Deidre says:

    Hands down one of the best blogs I have read in awhile. Thank you for putting your thoughts into words and then sharing – they’re truly inspiring! I agreed that the words, “date a woman” is to be use loosely, interchangeable with; Marry a woman, Be friends with a woman…etc. Just completely touched by you!

  20. Dee says:

    Renee, I'd be really interested in your take on "Date a man who…"

  21. theorganicgangsta says:

    I think this is quite possibly the best blog I have read in a while on the subject of dating. You nailed it! Will be coming back for more of your writing. Have a most blessed day.

  22. Anne says:

    I've been listening to Carol Gilligan speak about her work on the Makers series and I want to add: if you want to date a woman like this then we have to be willing to train girls to remain in touch with their authentic voices. It's easier to love mouthy, self-possessed girls when they're part of our family but how much are we willing to change the institutions that have been charged with turning strangers' daughters into "cute, easy going" girls?

  23. Jennifer says:

    This is pure truth. Stunning. Something for me to aspire to daily. Thank you for this.

  24. eric says:

    It is refreshing to know that some out there assert the confidence to love without demand; to care without obsession; to feel without dependency. Nice thought!

  25. Ken R. says:

    Very nice article. I loved it and agree. My wife passed away very unexpectedly earlier this year and I think of her when reading every sentence. My quest to find another challenging woman to love and who loves me is hopefully on the horizon. Thanks for the inspiration!

  26. girlfromPH says:

    I LOVE this!!! This woman is me, you, my best friend, my neighbor, a random schoolmate, the one I saw at the supermarket this morning…the list goes on. This is so spot on. And this kind of woman deserves a man who will never leave her behind.

  27. Maria says:

    So amazing, so profound and thought provoking!

  28. I think I've read this at least a dozen or so times. I absolutely love this! I take something new away from it every single time I read it. I am striving to be the girl you have described so eloquently here. Thank you for writing and sharing this! Much love to you!

  29. Liza says:

    You have described me in most ways. I still have a bit too much fear but I have learned much recently from being with the wrong man. Thank you for this. Especially this Valentine's day. You have affirmed who I am and shown me that it is MORE than just OK.

  30. Lee says:

    I would love to date that woman for I am that man…..but she eludes me in every way…where do I search, how do I find her?

    I’ve read this so many times and I ache thinking about the love I wish I could share….but she eludes me in every way…

    Love this article and style of writing so much!

    Peace!

  31. Lee says:

    I want to date that woman for I am that man…but she eludes me in every way….

    I’ve read this so many times, and each time it moves me more than the last…I hope we find each other one day soon…

    Love your article and writing style – very moving.

    Peace!

  32. Leslie says:

    It's official…Not only are you my new girl crush, but this article is everything I have ever thought, felt and tried to convey for as long as I can remember. You nailed it Renee! You are on my list of must know people…

  33. Amy E says:

    Love this article! It's oh so true! I have been single longer than I have been married. There is a lot of peace and comfort in being alone. I'm a nerd, so I'm fascinated by everything. I have enough hobbies to last me two lifetimes. Not that I wouldn't enjoy having a partner. Fortunately, I have some great male friends.

  34. Gina says:

    I don’t mean to sound full of myself but oh my, I felt like you were describing me. I do yoga. I sew and I write and not only poetry.

    Unfortunately. I guess the men I meet don’t want to be challenged. I Am Very Old Fashioned AND They Get So Intimidated. I even printed this because I thought about even caging my expectations, but instead with this article, it just gives me more reasons to keep being the way I am and not settle for anyone. Thank you so much and many blessings. Xoxo

  35. fitzjameshorse says:

    I think its as much about Friendship as Dating.a
    It seems that the frontier days of the Internet…late 1990s….are long gone. It was easier to make friends (and possibly date) fifteen years ago and while I have retained some, some fall by the wayside.
    The point I am trying to make is that social media such as Facebook has actually made it harder to relate.
    And certainly the Blogging experiences of My Space, Live Journal and Word Press empower us as citizen journalists but do nothing for relationships.
    They have actually created barriers that were not there in the old chat room days of AOL and Yahoo.
    Of course all of us were burned in some way….financially and emotional by the old frontier friendships. But somehow we have lost a lot of…potential.

  36. xavibrenn says:

    Just wowowwww !!!

  37. Jason McKinney says:

    Superb article! I love that you wrote about my wife. :-)

  38. Pdtn says:

    Precious!

  39. Tiffani says:

    I wish I could send this to the man I just walked away from for every reason in this article. He needs to read it but he isn't ready. One day he'll find himself and I'll sadly be long gone. :-(

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