July 24, 2020

Dear Daughter, Here is my Wish for You: Live Your Life.

Kim Valzania

Dear Daughter,

As you navigate the choppy waters of womanhood (and damn, those are some high, white-capped swells), please, oh please, hear my voice, my love.

Hear it, sweet child. Please don’t shrug me off.

Hear it ringing through the din, right through these confounding, life-sorting years; right past your indifference, your boredom with me, your toiling, your angst, your confusion, and your fears.

I am your mama, and mama just knows.

Be a badass truth teller and say what you mean. The truth has been scary sh*t since the beginning of time, but, my darling, the truth wins. Trust me.

In the end, the truth always makes a dramatic, plot-twisting, unapologetic entrance.

Be just as discerning with your “yes,” as you are with you “no.” Figure out when it’s time to stay and fight a good, earnest fight, and when to just let go.

Eat half the slice of pie, half the cake, half the saucy appetizer, and half the cheesy macaroni bake. And don’t be huffy about this, daughter, because sons should indeed take heed too. This is not the “plight of a woman”—but take care of your body so it will take care of you.

Unless you really want it! If you want it, then eat it, for goodness sake. Lick your fingers clean, savor every last bite, and for the love of all things holy, give the rules a break.

Remember to love yourself. Enjoy every bit. Love your whole, real self—despite every perceived imperfection, mistake, or failure, despite every self-manufactured hit.

Love who you are, what you stand for. Keep the fire inside yourself lit.

Your health, and the care, and the keeping of you is the most important component to every part of your happiness.

Trust me. Mama’s been there. Mama knows.

Compromise, my dear, but don’t give yourself away. Say what you mean, and mean what you say.

Take a quiet moment, be present, and pray. Pray for peace and equality, but include yourself along the way. Answer to yourself without regrets, every blessed day.

Live your life. And by live, I mean fulfill every last human need. Sprinkle some kindness, and watch others follow your lead. Call out hypocrisy, injustice, malice, and greed.

Know how to listen, child. Winning is good, but other people know things too. It’s not just about what you say, it’s about what you do.

Learn from others, and their different point of view.

Watch out for creeps and call them out. Loudly, publicly—don’t be afraid to shout! Creeps fester and grow like weeds when left unchallenged.

And by creeps, I’m talking about the Harvey’s, the Bill’s, the Robert’s, and the Charlie’s. The Matt’s, the Jeffrey’s, the Roy’s, and the Brett’s.

Oh yeah, and the Donald’s. Men with money think money is the answer.

Follow your heart, but make sure your head is screwed on straight. If it isn’t, loosen the screws and adjust accordingly until it is, my love.

Sexual satisfaction means telling your partner what you want and exactly how you want it, instead of just lying there and hoping what you want miraculously “happens.” Sexual satisfaction means you don’t fake it ’til you make it, my dear.

Disappointment in the sack is your fault. That’s right, I said it. Take control of your own pleasure. Own it. You deserve to feel good as much as your partner does.

Oh, and don’t be the only one who cleans the damn house. Make it clear from the beginning that a tidy living space is a straight-up shared job. Same goes for cooking. And laundry. And lawn mowing. And garbage. And bill paying.

Make a f*cking chore chart the first week of cohabitation and don’t say things like, “I’m sorry, but you have to help too.” Resentment festers when left unchecked.

Don’t be snarky, my love. Sarcasm is too easy and solves nothing. Put your thoughts together and just be direct.

Yes, you do need a haircut. Yes, get the chunky necklace you love and might only wear once. Treat yourself to small self-care things that make you feel good. Love yourself this way. It will make you feel rich instead of cheap; worthy for the front, instead of the backseat.

Keep tabs on your judgement. No one likes a judge, sweet girl. Empathy and compassion will boomerang back your way when you need it the most.

Keep promises. Promises kept, just like conviction, will stick to your character and follow you wherever you go.

Breathe. Be kind. Inhale and exhale compassion on every level.

And oh, and for heaven’s sake, wear sunscreen! What do you want…wrinkles when you’re 35?

Please save some money, honey. It’s called a “freedom account,” and wise, old, rich women do this when they’re young.

Invest in real estate. Buy a used car. One bottle of perfume is enough.

Stay away from the Targets and the TJs, the Starbucks and the Kohl’s.

You’ll thank me later when you’re happily counting bankrolls.

Trust me. Money is independence. It’s not the key to everything, for sure, but it’s certainly a ticket for the choices you’ll make and the options you’ll take. Men have known this forever.

Dear sweet daughter. Live your life. Let me rephrase that: Live your life.

And, smash the patriarchy while you’re at it.

Now, please take mama out for a mojito.

Mama needs to see your beautiful face.


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