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November 3, 2020

Kintsugi for your Soul: Healing our Wounds with Therapy.

It was after my unexpected divorce that I found myself stuck in a state of constant shock, trauma, regret, frustration, anger, blaming, and various other unwanted and unexpected emotions.

For months, I stayed in bed crying, trying to understand why it had happened to me. Taking a bath was a big struggle for me during that time. I had to mentally prepare myself for two hours before I could get up and shower.

I didn’t feel hungry or thirsty. I only kept looking at the pictures and the texts from my past. I felt hopeless and never stepped out of the house. I was not able to see any possibility of my life leading anywhere.

I didn’t know where to restart and how to get the energy or inspiration to do that. I often felt that suicide was the only option for me and seriously contemplated doing it. It was difficult for me to share my feelings with anyone else, as I could not cause my family further pain.

I felt my heavy heart as soon as I opened my eyes, and I wished I could go back to sleep to avoid feeling that way.

People used to give me different types of advice, and the most common one was to immerse myself in work so I could slowly heal and get over my trauma. But there was no energy left in me to get up and go to work. Due to my good working experience, I was getting many job offers, but I couldn’t commit, as I was afraid that I may burst into tears at work. My emotional state was highly fragile.

During that time, mental health awareness didn’t exist much in my country. People believed that after a divorce or a breakup, there was a short phase of sadness, and then things could back to normal, automatically. Terms like anxiety, depression, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), and trauma were not commonly known or discussed during that time.

Once, I shared my pain with a friend, and she suggested to introduce me to a psychotherapist she knew. I was open to go and see her, as I felt more comfortable sharing my feelings with a stranger instead of a family member.

In my first session, I shared everything I had to tell her, and she just listened and made notes. Then she suggested a therapy plan, which included different types of therapy sessions for different purposes. She taught me a tapping technique that I was supposed to do every day for a few minutes to release negative emotions from my subconscious mind.

I felt lighter and better right from the first time I tried that technique, so I did it every day. Then I went for my first healing session after a week.

My first session was hypnotherapy for one hour, in which my therapist (who was also a skilled hypnotherapist) told me she would bring me to the edge of sleep and then help me cut my energy cords with my ex from my subconscious mind and build a protective shield around me that would reflect all negative thoughts.

After I took that session, I felt I was much more in control of my life, and I stopped feeling drained out and exhausted. 

Then I took some healing sessions of access bars, Reiki, Inner child Healing, and so on. Layer by layer, my deep-rooted issues came up and were healed. Even though I started therapy to come out of my trauma that my divorce had induced, I was able to address other suppressed issues from my wounded childhood and heal them too.

Regular counselling sessions, along with the healing sessions, helped me get up on my toes again and restart my life. I was full of life and happiness in just a matter of months. After the healing sessions were done, I also took a few sessions to plant confidence, happiness, and other seeds of positive affirmations in my subconscious mind, which resulted in gaining back my high self-esteem and self-worth.

I started my dream job and enjoyed working so much. I was promoted in a short span of time. I travelled, made new friends, and lived the life of my dreams.

After a few years, I became open to the idea of getting remarried. I’ve been happily married for four years now, and have also become a practicing healer and a life coach.

It was after I saw the power of therapy that I realized the potential of healing techniques, which actually work. It inspired me to learn these techniques, get certifications, and start my own practice. My passion was to help heal people.

When I share my personal journey with therapy with someone new who comes to me for healing, they become more open to try it. And once they try the healing session, they understand how effective it is.

Kintsugi” is a Japanese term, which means “to repair with gold.” It is the art of repairing pottery with gold lacquer and understanding that the piece is more beautiful for having been broken. I feel therapy has done Kintsugi for my soul, and therapy is the gold lacquer that healed my broken soul and turned me into a beautiful piece, which has more value than it had before it was broken.

It was before and during my healing journey when I noticed that people could have some mental stigmas attached to psychotherapy. So I did my therapies secretly and did not share much with my friends while I enjoyed the benefits of my healing sessions. 

Why people feel uncomfortable going to therapists?

Mostly, it is due to the ideas that people have picked up from their environment that they feel awkward or doubtful about seeking professional help for any emotional or psychological issue.

Here are some of the common wrong beliefs we might have about psychotherapy:

People who seek psychotherapy are weak, mentally ill, or crazy.

The fact is, people who seek professional help show that they are more serious about their treatment (instead of neglecting their state, which can cause damage to themselves and others). Seeking help is a step that shows courage. People who might be weak are the ones who don’t do anything about their issues. It also shows they are responsible by trying to figure out a solution.

Psychotherapists will tell us things that we already know about life.

They don’t tell us things that we already know, but they show us a situation from a different perspective. Therapists always give us the choice to choose what we feel is best for us and never impose their own opinion. Therapists share all the information they have learned through their training, studies, and research.

Psychotherapy is a lifelong process.

It’s not true. There is no fixed standard duration of therapy. Different people have different issues, and every therapy plan is different from another. Once our issues are resolved, we don’t need to see a therapist again. In case some new issue comes up and we feel that seeing a therapist might help us, we can then decide to see them.

If we have a supportive family or friend, we don’t need the therapist.

Family and friends are additional supports who help the person heal faster. But plants need both water and sun to grow healthy. In the same way, we can say that the water is the therapist and the sun is the warm care and love of our family and friends.

We have no control over the mind and body in healing sessions.

This is absolutely false. Most people in a therapy session have the ability to come out of the trance state at any time. Their conscious minds are completely aware of the surroundings while the subconscious mind focuses on the issue. Hypnosis is just another word for a deep state of relaxation. Also, not all therapies cause a subconscious state.

Therapists control the lives of their clients, and they can’t say no.

This is another false information. The therapist always takes the other person’s opinion and asks them about the choice they would like to make. If anyone wants to stop their therapy sessions, they are free to do so. Also, all the benefits of the sessions they have already taken will not go away.

Therapists have magic powers.

A therapist simply uses their techniques for healing the mental, psychological, and emotional state of a person. The same techniques do not work on everyone. People are made differently, so they need their own unique therapy that works for them. A therapist studies each case and is able to provide the tools for the healing to happen. A genuine seeker who truly wants to recover heals faster.

You can get stuck in therapy or get addicted to it.

After experiencing the benefits of therapy, people often feel that the therapist is a friend who understands them, and they feel happy talking to him/her. But therapists know how to make us emotionally independent from them and allow us to live happily in this world without feeling the pain of detachment after our recovery.

If you take god’s name, pray, or involve yourself in religious activities, you don’t need therapy. God will save you.

Prayers or connection with god help us at various stages of our healing journey, providing us hope. But therapy combined with prayers is most effective. Some therapists combine spirituality with their therapy techniques to make them more beneficial. But you can be religious and still go to a therapist who is spiritual.

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