We often come to a standstill at walking the paths our intuition is calling us toward—whether it be following through with a breakup, moving to a new city, or quitting a job—when we begin to feel fear, loneliness, misunderstanding from others, or heartbreak.
I’ll be the first to admit that looking these emotions in the eye and confronting them head-on is f*cking scary. It takes courage to let our hearts break. It takes courage to remove the comforts of the safe and familiar, and step into the unknown alone. It takes courage to choose the decision that only you and your heart might understand.
But it is only when we walk through the mud, that we can make it to the holy water.
We are supposed to feel alone. We are supposed to be scared. We are supposed to feel heartbroken. We are supposed to feel misunderstood. We are supposed to question ourselves.
I can’t think of any brave decision that didn’t begin with any of these emotions. Rather than seeing these feelings as a reason to not take the leap, so often, they are actually signs calling us exactly toward it. These are all signs that we are on the right path. We cannot expect to feel ecstasy until we feel pain. It is only when we allow ourselves to feel alone, fearful, heartbroken, and misunderstood, that we arrive at transformation.
So we step into the aloneness. We step into the fear, the heartbreak, the misunderstanding, and we bathe in it. We dip our bones into it, we marinate in them until we are soft and tender. We get to know them. Become their friend. We cradle them, we sit with them alone in our homes, have dinner with them, invite them to join our evening tea, sleep with them, wake with them.
Following our fear is when we have chosen to follow a path of bravery, to not have settled for an average or comfortable life. Our fear is there to tell us what moves us, what shakes us, what makes us feel alive.
Alone is when we heal. Alone is when we realize that alone is not all that scary after all. Alone is when we get to know ourselves more than we ever have. Alone is when we gain confidence in every cell of our beings, when we find solace in the deliciousness of who we are. Alone is when we learn everything we need to know to be with another.
Heartbreak is when we surrender. This part is going to hurt like hell. It might be the most pain we have ever felt, but we cannot move past the broken until we have sat with each and every shattered piece, picked them up, and held them in our shaking hands.
Heartbreak is when we let our hearts break and break and break until there is no more breaking that can be done. Heartbreak is when we sit in the brokenness—when we give in. Heartbreak is when we drink its syrup over and over again each morning, yet never forget to look at the sun peeking through the blinds and remember that brokenness doesn’t last forever.
We can’t make it back to the whole, without breaking. And hey—to be broken is still to be whole. So break, my dear, and be broken—this is our permission to do so.
When we are misunderstood is when we become at peace with knowing that, sometimes, we are the only ones that can truly understand the decisions we make. It is when we decide to make music with the song of our hearts and dance with them under milky moonlight. It is when we decide that our lives are our lives, and no one else’s. It is when we learn to assert ourselves with confidence, deep knowing, and two feet planted on the earth.
It is the paths that we don’t feel we are brave enough to walk, that we are. I’m telling you right now, we are. It is always the very things we think we can’t do, that we can. It is always the very things we think we can’t do, that we are being called exactly toward.
So walk through the mud. Foot after foot, ache after ache. And when you make it to the holy water, wash off the dirt, look up at the sky, and tell the sunshine to rain on you—warm and heavy.