View this post on Instagram
“We need to go through a few Mr. Wrongs to appreciate Mr. Right.”
To hell with this! Whoever decided wrong and right are acceptable terms to describe a partner in our lives? There is more depth to a person’s character than a limiting label.
I stared at him smiling. He said, “Hello,” looking surprised that we kept encountering each other after his classes, even though we belonged to different groups. Coincidence? Definitely not. I made it a point to know his schedule and he was the biggest platonic love of my young heart.
Handsome, dark hair, sun-kissed skin, strong and defined jawline, cute smile, and confidence that distracted me throughout the day. After many months of what I would like to call “friendship,” but, if I am being honest, it was a full-on force chase, he fell for me and finally realized how special I am.
We shared a Hollywood kiss—on the staircase outside the labs. We were sitting down as he leaned on me, and with his hand in the back of my head, he kissed me. I melted into organic butter. I would love to imagine it wouldn’t be just any type of butter—it would have to be organic.
After we shared this epic kiss, he asked me to be his girlfriend. I almost choked, trying to sound calm, while I said, “Yes.”
It turns out, he was an amazing boyfriend. He would wait for me to finish my classes, smiling and waving through the glass window of the classroom. He wanted to come with me and my girlfriends to the cafeteria. We would kiss like there was no tomorrow, till my lips were swollen from all the kissing. He was so into me.
And this is the moment when I realized, “Oh, wow. I don’t think I really like him.”
He was always nice, available, and he showed interest in being with me. There was no more chasing, and my heart stopped skipping a beat because I knew he would always be there. So, after less than a month, I said with the cutest possible voice, “I think we should be friends,” and I walked away from Mr. Right.
At the time, this moment felt like just another adventure. But in harsh reality, it was the beginning of finding Mr. Wrong everywhere I went.
My ideal men were emotionally unavailable and serious. The type that you would almost need to open their mouth and dig for words inside their throat so that they would say something and make conversation. The type of men who saw me from the outside, so I wouldn’t need to uncover my feelings or who I genuinely have always have been: an imperfect woman.
I dated Mr. “I’m not that into you.” He gave me enough to keep me coming back for more, yet ditched me every chance he had.
I also dated Mr. “I’m too good for you.” He refused to take me anywhere on the chance that someone might see us together.
Then there was Mr. “I can’t keep my dick in my pants.” He saw other women and hid it from me for as long as he could, instead of just telling me he didn’t want to commit.
And, of course, I dated Mr. “You are the most wonderful, special person I have ever met,” yet he wasn’t ready for a relationship. Lucky are the men who get you. Come on. I’d rather hear, “You are not my type.” Let’s be honest.
Wrong, wrong—all f*cking wrong. But why are we attracted to Mr. Wrong?
Perhaps, these can shed some light:
>> We are so used to working for things and getting rewards based on how much we killed ourselves for something we start to believe that we need to earn love based on our hard work, and not for the feeling of loving one another because we simply do.
>> We love the excitement he offers us. We love the desire that boils deep within the pit of our soul. He brings out our most intimate self in a way no one else can.
>> We are wrapped up in the illusion of who we think we should be, based on what version of us he prefers the most. To match with his social status, financial successes, likes, and looks, it becomes easier to be who he needs us to be, while deep inside, we don’t actually know who we are.
Does he want a sex doll? A companion with good table manners? A determined woman who would make decisions so he wouldn’t have to? Or a sweet, foolish girl who would prioritize him and his ego even before her own self?
I also dated many versions of Mr. Rights.
I dated Mr. “I’ll do anything for you.” He brought me coffee every day. He took care of my car and house needs. Heck, he would have flown to the sky to bring me a star if he could.
I dated Mr. “I’m so successful.” He went to college, made tons of money, and offered me anything I wanted. My life with him was extravagant.
I dated Mr. Sensitive. He was open and honest about his hopes and dreams. He wasn’t afraid to cry. If anything, he was caring, giving, and selfless.
I dated Mr. Responsible. He was accountable for his actions and committed to his family and friendships. He was the kind of man who doesn’t avoid conversations but is rather nurtured by them.
So, why do we walk away from Mr. Right?
>> Maybe he is missing that one thing that makes our heart go “boom.” Regardless of having everything we may possibly want in a person, we need to feel the connection.
>> Maybe it wasn’t the right time. We are not ready to settle into forever. There is a lot in life to be lived, and there is something that keeps telling us, “No, not yet. We need to see the world.”
>> Maybe we are scared of commitment. As much as we say we want to find our forever person, we are scared about what comes next. So we sabotage our own happiness.
>> Or maybe our love is right, but our sexuality is not compatible. He makes our hearts explode, but there’s nothing beyond that.
As much as Mr.Wrong is not right for us, sometimes, neither is Mr. Right. Both of them are equally missing important factors of what we may want and need in a relationship. Our body, mind, and soul yearn for connection in all their parts. We want and need to be touched in every area of our being. We need someone to connect with our bodies on a sexual level. We need someone to stimulate our minds with deep, mindful conversions. We need someone who feeds our soul with emotions, hopes, and energy.
We deserve Mr. Present. Someone who is a gift to our lives. The one we’re able to see for who he really is, and who can love both his yin and yang. Someone who surpasses what we dreamed of because he is real.
We need someone who can be our partner, friend, passionate lover, husband, and parent to our future children. The one we wouldn’t wonder if he’ll age gracefully or not, but instead, we wonder what our everyday life would look like next to him.
Dating the Mr. Wrongs and Mr. Rights are the lessons we needed to learn from. We discover what we are willing to accept in a relationship, and we develop a sense of what we can offer in a relationship. We determine our values, learn how to compromise, and find out what makes our hearts skip a beat. We also establish boundaries.
There is a point in our lives when we appreciate what intimacy looks like. We don’t take it for granted because we know it doesn’t happen with every person whom our heart loves.
Whereas before, we used to ask if our likes and dislikes could match, we now converse about whether our vision for a beautiful life makes sense in each other’s hearts.
Let’s not settle for Mr. Wrong or Mr. Right or anyone who doesn’t match our values. But let’s keep our hearts open and be patient. We’ll know it when he finds us. We will feel it in our hearts, and we will know it in our minds. There will be no question. There will be less doubt, worry, and fear. There will be more love, freedom, acceptance, and compromise.
He is who we are meant to be with. Maybe he is there with us right now, maybe he is on his way, or maybe we are our best companion at this moment, and that’s okay, too.
Whatever the case is, don’t settle for anybody who doesn’t make your heart go to f*cking nirvana.
For more from Sharon.
For more from Michelle.
Read 76 comments and reply