October 13, 2021

You are the Courageous Love that I call Home.

Just when we felt like having the perfect plan for our future, the world turned upside down and the universe challenged us—but our love is still strong, stronger than ever.

Some of you might know me as the dude who regularly writes about politics and current events. But behind all these controversial articles, there is a little boy who wants to be loved. Underneath the surface of an analytical mind, there is a human who wants the best for his family.

There is this man who feels hurt after getting insulted on social media, there is an infoholic who lacks peace of mind, and there is the little boy who feels lonely at times.

And I know that I can be the most annoying person on this planet.

Discussing every detail, overthinking every action, and driving everyone nuts around me.

Who could deal with all that? Who would even want to do that?

Sometimes, I wonder why you love me, but I know why I love you.

I struggled after losing my job as a yoga teacher. We struggled when we had to quarantine for months in Costa Rica. We were scared to move to my home country during a global pandemic—and I almost lost my mind at times.

But you were there, you were strong—and you kicked my ass when necessary.

And it was necessary. I was emotionally unavailable. I wasn’t able to show my love. I simply wasn’t the partner who I wanted to be.

There is nothing more precious to me in this world than our little family. I want you and our Snoopy-Girl to be happy. But I learned that trying too hard and stressing out about every detail of life is not what makes our family happy.

I can’t control everything—and that’s a good thing.

I trust you to make the right decisions when I am not around, and I am more than thankful that you trust me. Earlier this year, we took the decision to spend the summer at different locations. We both worked hard—but missed each other even harder.

I can’t wait to hug, love, and kiss you again. I want to cuddle with you on a cold winter day, enjoy long walks with our little girl, and explore the world with you. Every day that you were gone was filled with thoughts on what I want to do with you.

Recently, we took a look at our birth charts. Normally I don’t believe much in astrology, but damn, that description was so on point. Rare and exceptional were the first words—and I fully agree.

It was shocking to me how accurate it described a feeling that I wasn’t able to put into words, but it totally makes sense. It said, “There’s a mutual sense of loyalty and of feeling totally at home together. Even if you’re two very different people and conflict in other ways, this energy keeps you incredibly bonded.”

Being with you feels like coming home. Coming home to a place I am not familiar with after years of traveling. A place that I never really got to experience in my life.

When I am with you, I can be myself. There is only one thing I am not allowed to be: fake.

Why? Because you will call me out on that.

The moment society tells me what I should do; you take sides with the little boy who lives inside my heart. You make me a better person by reminding me of who I want to be.

Your sweetness reminds me of what love actually feels like. Your anger shows me your courage to care. Your courageous love is anything I could ever ask for.

 

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After missing you for months, I know one thing for sure—I want to be with you for the rest of my life.

I don’t know what our future will look like. Where will we live? What will we do?

I don’t have a clue. But I want to be with you.

Backpackers are often trying to travel off the beaten path—and that’s what our love actually is. There is no blueprint for an American-German couple with a Costa Rican dog. There is no map to look at.

But I want to draw that map with you. I want to explore life with you. And I am totally cool with being scared at times because I trust you.

We had to figure out so many things; we passionately argued—but we always somehow found our way. Sometimes together and other times each at our own pace.

I want to continue this dance of love with you. I believe in our ability to walk toward bliss. And I can’t wait to be your husband.

We belong together, in good and in bad times, and isn’t that what being married is all about?

Some might say that I am crazy, others might feel this way about you—but the truth is, we are crazy, crazy in love. And I wouldn’t want it any other way.

Let’s stay different. Let’s make this our story of coming home.

I am sorry for every mistake I made along the way. I am not perfect at all. I thank you for your patience.

You are my home.

I love you.

 

 

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