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When it comes to sex, we all agree that sexual desire at the beginning of a relationship almost always feels good.
Our enthusiasm is strong, our passion feels uncontrollable, and we sort of get addicted to the large releases of dopamine that our brains produce during sexual intercourse.
Although it’s hard to accept it, if you’re in a long-term relationship (married or not), you will discover that the honeymoon phase eventually fades out.
Every couple is destined to have bad sex from time to time—and it’s not because of a bad partner. Bad sex happens, and it’s normal when couples have been together for a long time.
As human beings, our emotions are temporary and unreliable; we can’t expect our sexual spark to remain the same or maintain some level of consistency throughout the years.
Having said that, if you find yourself stuck in a bad sex rut, don’t panic or lose hope. There are many unresolved issues that might drive couples apart. But we don’t have to settle for bad sex or think that the entire relationship is dead.
Remember, there’s always more to the story, and if we understand what’s causing that “deadness,” we can regain our sexual desire and reconnect in the bedroom with our partner.
Let’s get to the root cause and talk about the six most important reasons why we might not be happy with our sexual life:
1. Routine. It’s only natural and common to get into a certain routine after years and decades of living under the same roof. However, that routine might be wrecking our sex life. If we’re having sex at the same time, in the same bedroom, in the same old missionary position, it’s possible that our sex life might become stale. For an exciting sexual experience, we must be always open to trying new things.
2. No communication. Communication inside the bedroom is as important as outside of it. Couples who don’t discuss sex might be hurting their relationship without knowing it. Our partners can’t read our minds. That’s why it’s vital to communicate what we love, what we don’t, and what we would like to experience.
3. Problems with initiation. Maybe one partner is tired of initiating sex. Maybe they don’t know how to. Maybe we put a lot of pressure on our partner to make the first move. Maybe we’re tired and don’t feel like having sex. When it comes to sexual initiation, the real cause usually remains mysterious, creating lots of false assumptions that will eventually create problems in the long-run. We should always discuss our sexual strategies so we don’t feel rejected or unwanted.
4. Having certain expectations. We tend to expect a lot when it comes to sex, and we can’t really blame ourselves. The porn industry and erotic novels have made it harder and harder for us to enjoy reality and what it has to offer us. Having unrealistic expectations is dangerous and could seriously sabotage our relationships. Revisit your expectations and remain curious and excited about what’s to come. Sex is supposed to be real, exciting, spontaneous, and intuitive—not fake.
5. Not taking your partner’s needs into consideration. All partners in any kind of relationship should feel wanted, desired, heard, and validated. When our sexual needs are dismissed, it could lead to many negative outcomes. Be open about your sexual needs and approach the problem with fun and an open heart.
6. Bad timing. Bad timing could result in either bad sex or even no sex at all. I know sex is supposed to be spontaneous, but when our lives are busy and complicated, spontaneity might become an issue. I know scheduling a time for sex might sound silly—or even a turnoff—but setting a time that works for both partners might save your (maybe) boring sex life.