“This is the single best Ask Amy response I’ve ever read.”

Via on May 10, 2014

Bonus:  > Why Jesus was…Liberal.
> Poet Slams Religion but Preaches Jesus.
In Seach of a New Church Home: Unitarian Universalism.
Waylon Lewis interviews Sister Helen Prejean, woman behind Dead Man Walking, at Naropa.
Real Christians.

 

“We’re all very active churchgoers, while she only sporadically attends services.”

A reader comment: “Jesus hung out with lepers, but God forbid she hang out with her sister who ‘doesn’t fit in.

sad sister

“She’s Amy Dickinson and in addition to her post she is also a regular panel member on NPR’s Wait, Wait…Don’t Tell Me. Nicely available on podcasts if you’re like me and enjoy listening to humorous banter on the train.”

 

~

Another classic: Source.

DEAR AMY: I recently discovered that my son, who is 17, is a homosexual. We are part of a church group and I fear that if people in that group find out they will make fun of me for having a gay child.

He won’t listen to reason, and he will not stop being gay. I feel as if he is doing this just to get back at me for forgetting his birthday for the past three years — I have a busy work schedule.

Please help him make the right choice in life by not being gay. He won’t listen to me, so maybe he will listen to you. — Feeling Betrayed

DEAR BETRAYED: You could teach your son an important lesson by changing your own sexuality to show him how easy it is. Try it for the next year or so: Stop being a heterosexual to demonstrate to your son that a person’s sexuality is a matter of choice — to be dictated by one’s parents, the parents’ church and social pressure.

I assume that my suggestion will evoke a reaction that your sexuality is at the core of who you are. The same is true for your son. He has a right to be accepted by his parents for being exactly who he is.

When you “forget” a child’s birthday, you are basically negating him as a person. It is as if you are saying that you have forgotten his presence in the world. How very sad for him.

Pressuring your son to change his sexuality is wrong. If you cannot learn to accept him as he is, it might be safest for him to live elsewhere.

A group that could help you and your family figure out how to navigate this is Pflag.org. This organization is founded for parents, families, friends and allies of LGBT people, and has helped countless families through this challenge. Please research and connect with a local chapter.

Relephant reading:

>Judeo-Christianity & Islam on how to handle Aggression.
The New Reformation!
Misrepresented Jesus.
What Crucifixion Means.
Bible forbids Homosexuality?
Do you believe the Bible is literally true?

Bonus:

Three Bible passages that may blow your mind (in a good way).

18 Life Lessons I Want My Daughters to Hear.

A Christianity about love and compassion:

Walk the Talk Show: Sister Helen Prejean from Alex King on Vimeo.

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73 Responses to ““This is the single best Ask Amy response I’ve ever read.””

  1. Unreal says:

    Not sure why I feel that these two questions are made up or were not real questions sent in. The answers serve a good message but it seems unreal.

    • Real says:

      While it's sad to think that some people are so ignorant about the well-being of their loved ones, these are very realistic cases that, I'm sure, happen quite often, unfortunately. I'm glad that you're so hopeful of human kindness, but some people are just so set in their ways that they don't see how they're hurting others.

      • adjustedsails says:

        ppl with these opinions DO, indeed, boldly share them just like this…i've DEFINITELY heard such nonsense from those with gay family members, especially those in "the church" it's sad b/c i think it poorly represents our God of love.

    • camillasanderson says:

      to Unreal – both the above are real – check out this wiki entry http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Amy_Dickinson

      • TheMan says:

        Just because you can find a wiki page for the author and newspaper in no way proves it's real. Aside from teh possability thsi could be a completely forged article using photoshop(there are many many of fake newspaper clips like this all over social media for decades), there's still the other possability that Amy herself wrote the letter she's respondiong to. I can easily post a link to the 700 club's wikipage, it's a real organization with real people who write letters to their website and are published…. and there are letters published on their site that are so blatantly scripted is sickening and the masses believe every word of it because "It's realistic enough to be believed".

        • BiggerPicture says:

          Too the above who have been debating the authenticity of these articles: I think you are missing the point. Whether these statements have been made in the press does not matter – these statements are being made by real people in society all the time. I've heard people make these kind of statements over and over again. The point of the above articles is to get people to stop and think for a moment…stop judging….starting thinking compassionately about others and be respectful of their choices. There is much to be learned by the replies.

          • Bahakaha says:

            He said 'the answers serve as a good message' so I don't think he's missing the point at all. It doesn't meant their not fake, which does take away a bit of their awesomeness as there isn't some horrible cow at the other end reading the reply and being made to feel like an idiot :)

    • Daisy says:

      I don't blame you for thinking that – both of the people writing in sound just so AWFUL that I find it difficult to believe they are real. I suspect though that they ARE real as many people who attend church have these narrow awful views of the world and how they think things should be. Of course many wonderful people attend church as well but it does seem to attract people who do awful things and hide behind religion. That includes ALL religions.

    • Aaron says:

      You should try being gay, and Christianity breeds intolerance. Love thy neighbour, actually doesn't include all neighbours. It's far too selective, and intolerant. These things happen every single day.

      • Shannon says:

        Love thy neighbor doesn't mean you have to accept and agree with everything they do and are. You are the one being intolerant and judgmental, just like the many others like you who want to claim they are tolerant except to those that they don't like. Hypocritical much? Christianity does not breed intolerance, Christians are tolerant of all, just bc a few are idiots doesn't mean ALL are. You need to go look in a mirror at your own self while talking about being intolerant.

        • Steve says:

          Oh my goodness, Where is the "Like 1000 times here" on your comment? I totally agree! You're a bigot if you believe that a homosexual lifestyle is wrong, even though you've never done a hateful thing to one who carries that burden but if you hate the person who disagrees with the lifestyle and bash them you are praised. Try posting "I support a marriage between a man and a woman" on Facebook and see how many people respond with such hatred and contempt.

    • Mike says:

      the second one especially is classic of the kind of tales from people on Reddit in the /r/raisedbynarcissists subreddit – she made it all about herself..

    • Sue says:

      I agree completely.

    • Shantell says:

      I had the same thought!

    • Hike says:

      you could be right but there are knuckel heads out there…we all are at times……..

    • JennySue says:

      Agreed. These are fabricated to fit in with the politically correct mantra. By the way, I changed from "gay" to straight, 30 years ago, when I decided that what God requires, is more important than, what I want.

  2. Melina says:

    Awesome response! Thanks for sharing this.

  3. Kim says:

    I have to agree with Unreal. These letters do seem very much created for the reply. Although I enjoy it as a banter it doesn't seem to ring true at all.Kind of strange..

    • HA2 says:

      It's probably more likely that these are real letters – but that Amy gets to pick from hundreds of letters to find the ones that would set her up for the best reply. If a letter wasn't a good setup, it wouldn't get answered.

  4. camillasanderson says:

    I LOVE both these "Dear Amy"s. Thanks for sharing them!

  5. nesi says:

    Dear readers, please please don’t confuse God and Jesus with people or people in church or just people in General! ! And not all people in church are like this.

    People are judgmental and unforgiving. ..

    Thank you God that Jesus is love!

  6. Pete says:

    Jesus' love embraced all sorts of people , and presumably still does. It is a mistake, I think, to confuse the moral beliefs of our society with how he taught us to live; homosexuality, sleeping around with our friends (unless we've made exclusive marriage vows to our spouse), living naked when and wherever we can (without causing too much offence), are all genuine options for the christian, nowhere discouraged in the New Testament (St. Paul's famous passage on homosexuality is about orgiastic behavior and rape, not even necessarily by gay people). Fornication is the use of prostitutes, which can be a very selfish and mercenary attitude to sex. It does Christ no favors to impose alien rules and regulations on young people who love and admire him.

    • Michelle says:

      No one sin is any less than another sin, so the mom is expressing gluttony (selfishness) in her post – maybe Christian Churches need to go back to the meaning of sin instead of the undermining of some "sin" as more than others.
      I am a Christian by the way, but have a hard time going to church to listen to what they want me to believe

  7. Michelle says:

    I'm going to be in the minority here, but I think Amy's reply was too harsh. Wendy does need to find her own friends and stop expecting the churchy members of her family to invite her.

    I come from a family of 8. I also have nearly 40 aunts and uncles, more than 50 first cousins, and dozens more cousins removed. There are all types in my family, from wealthy CEOs to the institutionalized. From the decent and charitable to addicts and burglars. From strictly religious to atheist. Gays, straights, liberals, conservatives, brilliant, mentally ill, physically handicapped, scientists, athletes, pilots, musicians, actors, homemakers, etc. I love them all, but there are some I'd rather not spend time with.

    I survived a very serious illness a few years ago. As a result, I decided to rid my life of toxic people completely. Users, complainers, haters, drama-kings and queens, etc. Life is way too short to waste a single moment suffering the unbearable nonsense that toxic people bring to your life. For me, this even includes close friends and family members. Suffice to say, there are several relatives that I will no longer include in my own invitations and special occasions. I just no longer want my days left to be ruined by these people.

    Yes, some of the people I cut out of my life were upset about it. They cried and complained and gossiped about me just like Wendy has done. This isn't surprising, because for the Wendys of the world it's all about Wendy. Wendy's feelings. Wendy's needs. It doesn't occur to Wendy that she makes those around her miserable. I have several Wendys in my family. Every family has at least one. Yes, Wendy is invited to family reunions and other family events. She would get help if she needed it. I love her. I love her kids. Wendy is family. But am I a horrible person because I don't invite her on special trips because she gets upset if I don't? No. Wendy does need to plan her own trips with her own friends. Friends that won't mind listening (yet again) about her nasty divorce that happened a quarter of a century ago. Friends that don't mind that she needs a cigarette break every 15 minutes on a no-smoking road trip. Friends that can endure the hours upon hours of criticisms about someone's clothes, taste in music, sense of direction. Am I ashamed of myself for saying this? Not especially. I might have been before my illness. But not now.

    I'm not a churchgoer, so I don't have much of an opinion on Christian charity. Mostly I think religious people are hypocrites, and maybe that was the point of your reply. But I don't think anyone, Christian or not, should feel obligated to include a person in an invitation just because that person gets upset about being excluded. They shouldn't be called "horrible" if they don't.

    • TKT says:

      I don't think you read the letter at all. Those aren't the reasons that Sad Sister gave for shunning her sister. You have either an overly active imagination or a tendency to project your own feelings onto other situations. To quote from your response, "for the Wendys of the world it's all about Wendy." Perhaps you were talking about yourself?

    • Andrea says:

      Wow, Michelle. You sound like a very angry, mean-spirited person. You have basically accused Wendy of all sorts of evils in your comment without ANY evidence to suggest that she does any of them.

      "Friends that won't mind listening (yet again) about her nasty divorce that happened a quarter of a century ago. Friends that don't mind that she needs a cigarette break every 15 minutes on a no-smoking road trip. Friends that can endure the hours upon hours of criticisms about someone's clothes, taste in music, sense of direction."

      Sad Sister didn't indicate ANY of these things about Wendy. She only said that she and her sisters/cousins choose to exclude her because she a) works b) is divorced and c) doesn't attend church every Sunday. Those are the ONLY reasons she gave. And those reasons are extremely petty reasons to exclude a blood relative from an annual activity that includes Wendy's sisters. If she had enough notice of the cost, she could save up for the weekend. The excuse that Wendy doesn't make much money is just another ridiculously poor (no pun intended) reason to not include her.

      Perhaps you should stop projecting your own actions, or the actions of others within your own family, onto others. It makes you sound like just as big a jerk as Sad Sister.

    • guest says:

      Wow, projecting much?

    • Shdwolf1 says:

      Wow, guess we know who "Sad Sister" really is. The sad thing is, you don't know how mean spirited and "horrible" you really are. Pick who you want to associate with, that's your choice, but for God's sake, stop trying to make "them" out as the flawed one who's justified in being left out. In the end, you're the one who makes the decision, and when you pull away all the justifications, the character assassination, the excuses, you'll be left with the cold hard truth: YOU were the flawed one, you were being judgmental, and that's not very Christlike..it's also not very nice. Your relatives and friends whom you exclude…they're the lucky ones…

    • Michele says:

      I'd hate to me a member in your family

    • Lynette Mills says:

      You are indeed in the minority, what a truly horrible person that sister is, she is certainly no Christian no matter how many times or days she goes to Church, how dreadful for poor Wendy. If I was her I wouldn't want to be part of that family – just because someone is born into a family doesn't mean they have to stick with them when they are awful. Wendy's sisters and cousins could easily give her some money so that she could join in and enjoy life a bit and have some fun, being divorced probably means that money is tight and there are few luxuries, certainly her brother in law threatening to call the police is absolutely appalling. I think that the whole family of stay at home Moms who seem to be so judgemental and so unchristian like – should remember that Jesus never judged. My heart goes out to Wendy and I hope one day she will realise that the good Lord is doing her a favour, why would she want to expose her children and herself to their pettiness, their selfishness, their cruelty and their horrible behaviour. In fact she is richer for not having them in her life, money does not make someone automatically a good person.

    • barb brooke says:

      Toxic people don,t get it. Not everyone needs to be invited to every family thing. Your faith or not, has nothing to do with this issue.

    • Wendy says:

      Give me a break! I would think a sister would be asked over a cousins inlaw. She invited one sister and cousins and not the other sister. I think the point is to be with family at least if she didn't share the things some of the others do she's still family and they do have that incommond, she obviously wanted to go and if not she could of turn down but would have been asked. Sham on all of them, it people like these that keep some people from going to church. They are what I call pew warmers and as in the name they stink.

    • Wendy says:

      But these where family members Wendy is a family member and her sister. I see you as the bad sister and it's sadly all about you. I too had a Heath scare years ago but if I had a sister who was going though a hard time I would have bed there divorces and being a single mother is hard I've been there too. The number one thing we learn in church is to love and forgive. Seems sad sis for gets this. Also if you would meet The Lord for what you did and said to Wendy what would you say and what do you think he would say? One word I know he would say would be LOVE.

  8. Stacie says:

    Yahoo Michelle!!! Your comments are correct. We live in a world that is much too accepting of bad behavior. The choices Wendy made for her life were her choices!!! Her sister & cousins are correct in excluding her. How stupid to pretend about your feelings. This makes for bad family reunions, holidays etc…. Waste of time. I choose my family & friends. Period. I will not waste my time on earth for false feelings.

    • TruthTeller says:

      You're an idiot! I hope you don't mind me expressing how I feel but stupid people like you make this earth more difficult to exist upon. Obviously, you can continue being an idiot, that is your choice to make but I hope you aren't too offended that I'm expressing how stupid I feel you are. Obviously, I hope you are somewhat offended and will reconsider you stupidity, but that is your choice to make!

      • sophie lane says:

        Stacie, what bad behavior??? She doesn't go to Church regularly?? she is divorced??? She doesn't have enough money?? The only bad behavior is being done by the sister and the others…. I feel sorry for you that you could have agreed with Michelle at all…

    • Thea says:

      Bad behaviour? Where are these assumptions coming from?

      Maybe she's getting a divorce from an abusive husband. Maybe she has to work weekends to feed her child so she is unable to attend church.

      Her family has no right to judge her, and neither do you.

  9. London says:

    Awesome response! I generally understood Wendy's feelings. I'm an outsider in my family, because mainly, I'm deaf.

    Why is some people think Wendy is self-centered, when the sad sister herself is egoistic, self-centered, selfish bitch? Jeez!

    • Claudia Vay says:

      I don't care who you are a sister is a sister no matter what. I blame your mother for not raising you to love one another no matter what the differences. So sad. Claudia
      I have four daughters, all different personalities, but they love one another and would not do that to each other. Claudia

      • Itsy says:

        My brother abused me for years, and I still took the time to go see him throughout college until the point where I couldn't take it anymore and had to stop for my own good. So, Claudia, if that makes me or anyone else who has had to make the difficult decision of cutting ties with a toxic family member a bad person in your eyes, so be it. You have absolutely no right to judge.

  10. Elizabeth says:

    No where in the letter did they say Wendy is a toxic person or constantly complains about her divorce or that she criticizes people based on their taste. The person who wrote this letter is the "Wendy of the World" It is her and her fellow family members who are looking down on Wendy, criticizing her because she does not fit in, judging her because of her marital and financial status. They are the ones who don't take into consideration why she is crying or how they are making her feel. Yes we are allowed to pick our friends and family. Wendy did the right thing by distancing herself from her sisters and cousins, should she be telling other people they are horrible? Why not, people in her family were worried enough to ask about their relationship so why not say how she feels? It is the sister who is constantly concerned with how this effects her self. At the end she continues to blame Wendy because Wendy cannot see that they are excluding her for her own good. What Wendy really needs to do is talk with her sisters and tell them how she feels. However this letter is not about Wendy. It is all about how this sad sister feels. So really it is the sad sister who needs to talk with Wend and let her know she does not want her in her life.

  11. jbamommy says:

    I had thought that the letter seemed fake too, until I read Michelle and Stacie's responses, and I realized there are actually a lot of horrible people out there. Wendy was this woman's SISTER, not just an acquaintance. They are not excluding her because she did anything wrong, just because her life is different from theirs. It was never suggested that Wendy was making anyone miserable, she just didn't "fit in." These women seem cruel and narrow-minded. I am not religious at all, but I do understand treating people with basic human decency. How sad too that someone would turn their back on family.

    • Michelle says:

      Sad Sister said Wendy would get upset, complain, call her names, and be generally disruptive and manipulative… to the point of nearly having the police called on her. These are things that if others did to me would make me miserable. If you're a full grown adult, crying about not being invited to something means you need to get a life, plain and simple. I understand Wendy feels excluded, but anyone past the age of 5 should know that pitching a crying fit about it won't make people suddenly want to spend time with you. Excluding a family member from a shopping excursion doesn't mean you've turned your back on them. Nor does it make you a "horrible person".

      • ilkaisha says:

        Actually, she said that her sister Wendy showed up crying about it. You inject name calling and scene making of your own volition.

        Geez. As a single, divorced mother, I can understand taking offense to being excluded. It’s not as though any judgmental people in this thread know WHY Wendy is divorced. It takes two to tango in a marriage… And why doesn’t Sad Sister seem to want to have a relationship with her niece or nephew? Because Wendy doesn’t share enough interests? That’s horrid.

        Regardless, if these women are truly so devout, you’d think they would want to surround Wendy with love and support instead of constantly judging her and holding themselves above her. Why on earth would she want to go to church to hang out with more snarky, mean-spirited people like her own sister?

    • Michelle says:

      I agree with you jbamommy… not so much Elizabeth… I didn't get what you were getting at in the end. Anyway, I have many family members I don't particularly like, and I don't invite them to small social gatherings, like immediate family birthday parties, but when you are the immediate family, like a sister, and the only reason for exclusion is you don't like the way someone else is running their life; then I suggest Wendy should smarten up and don't give those rude, inconsiderate, self-centered "Sisters" her time of day. Spend it with your child! I would definately let "Sad" know that I thought she was a piece of crap and regardless of the life "Wendy" choses to live, she is still better than "Sad" just because she can understand the basic level of human decency – kindness.

    • Getoverit says:

      So? If they are family, that means you must 'automatically' accept everything about them? Not for me. I have people in my life that I chose and family that I have disowned. I do not care who you are. If you are a bad person, you do not belong in my circle. If you do not like that I have excluded you because of who you are, then you can change or get over it pr get over it. It's that simple. If someone excludes me; I move on. I do not want to be around those who do not want to be around me.

  12. Shadowwalker says:

    I love your answers…funny how the ones that wrote in are all "church goers, but apparently dont understand how to love like Christ" he loved all including the lepers. Open your eyes and grow some balls people, this is your earthly family, Love them with all you have regardless of their differences!

  13. Joy says:

    Well damn, Sad Sister…did it ever occur to you that maybe you all should invite her along and treat her with a day out?! Being a single working mother is absolutely the hardest job on the planet…I know from first-hand experience. (And no, my divorce was NOT a choice that *I* made; my husband broke his vows and left on his own. Wendy could very well be in her predicament because of the same thing.) What a lovely thing to be able to treat her to an expensive lunch and give her a break! Instead, she gets kicked to the curb. I don't blame her for being upset; that kind of rejection would be almost unbearable.

    It is disgusting to me that these bitches exclude her because she is poor and single. Her presence makes them feel uncomfortable because they wouldn't be able gripe about their relatively cushy lives in front of her without being TOTAL jerks. People who have it hard had a special place in Jesus' heart and these hypocritical @#$%& should be ashamed of themselves for shunning their own flesh and blood.

    • Michelle says:

      Thank you Joy. You put in words which I have tried to express for years to others about my family and my ex husband.. He divorced me when he chose his family money over me after 17 years together and 3 kids.His lifestyle has not changed at all and in fact is supplemented by family money, I however have experienced loss of income, house, car..was homeless for 2 years,,all the while doing what I could to put my kids first. THat hasnt helped me at all because I have lived hand to mouth and refuse to lower my morals to make a buck. in the same way my ex wanted me to earn it from him.The system was a joke for any kind of validation in my case. I attended his family functions for 17 years, the last 10 I have been excluded from all that my children attend…Every 3 years he files a bogus restraining order on me……Mothers Day this year i didint get to see my 15 year old daughter for the 1st time. I could go on and on, but my point is, is that he and his family are exactly like Wendys' sister and cousins…The "feelings" Wendy dis[played are probally the same kind of emotions and circumstances my ex uses when files the restraining order………The biggest problem with all of this is that some people snap when theyve been kicked too far, or they simply shut the others out in THEIR time of need…Sounds cruel, but try getting through holidays and special occasions alone…it sucks when its repetitive and obvious

  14. Scott says:

    Just because those people go to church every week doesn't make them good a GOOD person. Church is a tool used by some people to make them feel better about themselves for all the rotten, rude,and ignorant things they have done all week!!!

  15. Anne says:

    DON'T WE ALL HAVE ENOUGH DRAMA IN OUR LIVES? I can't believe the responses! Each person has to do what is best for them, in whatever circumstances they find themselves… Why are so many judging? Stones anyone?

  16. Hike says:

    The answer should not have been so shocking to anyone……………

  17. Shdwolf1 says:

    Jesus…omg, why did he have to bring HIM into this conversation… spoke of the final judgement, and telling a "faithful servant and churchgoer" that He never knew him. There are a whole lot of professed "Christian's" out there who are the most spiteful, back stabbing, "look at me and all the good I do", types you'll ever meet. They get in their little cliches and pass judgement on all those around them, all the while with their holier than thou smirks and attitudes. "Sad Sister" is one of those types. Many commentators on here are cut from the same cloth.

  18. michele says:

    God can't make you a good person. You can go to church all day everyday but if you are cold and heartless, there isn't a thing church can do for you. Hate and intolerance are learned behaviors. I feel bad for The "Sad sister" She is teaching her children to discriminate against family members because of their financial situation, or life circumstances… that learned behavior will follow them for life as they interact with people in school and inthe work force. This is why we have problems with bulling and suicides rate are up.

  19. Mark says:

    A true passive-aggressive reaction to someone with whom she does not agree. Create the problem, and then blame it on the person you don't like. Typical. i have 2 family members who treat people the same way. I just ignore them and enjoy life on my own terms :-).

  20. Greg says:

    I don't know- this letter immediately struck me as too exaggerated, too un-nuanced in any shape or form to be real. I think most, by now, can recognize troll-ish comments on boards, but I guess snail-mail still has blinders. Granted, I could be totally wrong and this person (the letter writer) could be a top-shelf douche.
    There are many commenters who post strident Christian messages, denouncing people, invoking hell, etc. and when you search their history, you realize they're trolls, crop-dusting this same message regardless of topic, all over the place. It's sad, and only serves to stoke the flames of an already-escalating, mainly emotional war. This, for some reason, reminded me of that.

  21. a3820280 says:

    My thought is "Amy is a horrible person."

    This "Wendy" person sounds like a drama queen that nobody would want to be around. Why does she HAVE TO BE INVOLVED in this outing? It's with several people with whom she is not connected. That alone should be enough. This isn't the sister saying that "Wendy" wasn't ever invited to do anything with her and her other sister. it's ONE annual outing with people who will have FAR more fun without her. What's wrong with that?

    The fact that she burst into a family home and behaved in a way that upset small children and was so extreme that the husband had to threaten to call the cops starts to perhaps explain WHY she and her drama are not welcome. Anyone who is that self-centric and dramatic and insensitive to children is the person that I would call horrible.

    This "Wendy" walked away. The sister didn't say "Go away and never try to see me again" but rather said "Find friends with your interests and go have fun with them" which sounds perfectly reasonable. What in Church says that you should have to include your sister in EVERY SINGLE THING IN YOUR LIFE if that sister doesn't share your interests and doesn't have friends of her own?

    Dear Sad Sister, keep an open door for her to return to do the things you used to do together, make invitations to things you would invite her to in the past, if she feels that without this one outing everything else is worthless give her time to realize that she's cutting off her nose to spite her face, and be ready to help her sew it back on if she ever wakes up to it.

    • Owl says:

      Again, assumptions. Where does it say she "burst in"? And where is the in-depth background that gives you enough information about Wendy to draw these conclusions? Sad Sister sounds callous and self-centered. Why did she need to write this letter to feel better about herself? Think about that!

  22. brenda shannon says:

    Very good answere!!!

    • Dianna Dorrs says:

      I doubt, however, that this whole break-down between these two sisters had really anything to do with this ONE trip. Perhaps the trip was the straw that broke the camel's back and part of something no one but the two of them is privy to. Ever notice when there is a long-standing discord between two people in any kind of close or intimate relationship what they end up arguing about or splitting up about is usually so small or petty it appears ridiculous to outsiders? It is usually about something much bigger. It's not about who got the larger or last piece of cake, or who leaves the toilet seat up, its usually far more, far worse that they're sucking up. I find most people can deal with people not loving them or including them fairly well, but not being disrespected, belittled, or patronized. Just my thoughts.

  23. Lisa says:

    I see both sides. And I also think that we all need more information on who "Wendy" is and what the biggest gripes are on the sad sister's end – other than just not a church-goer, no money, etc. What else deters sad sister and the others to not want to invite "Wendy"? Are there other complaints or -is did sad sister state all of the reasons?
    It's not fun to hang out w/those who are the Debbie downers of life or who have such little money that when the event comes up – they are either asking others for money or canceling at the last moment when things are already in motion (or trying to change the event due to lack of money). I get that – it's not insensitive it's just not appropriate when things are already confirmed or in action – especially when there are others included in the plans.
    I understand where "Wendy" is coming from, as well. She IS family and I think that lack of money and different interests are a 'cop-out' to not want to include her. It's great to have a eclectic crowd together. Different views, interests, opinions, etc. – just make the experience richer. Unless that person is a bitchy, overly-opinionated/ready to fight and/or continues to slam people in the group for their ideas or comments, then I understand the sad sister not wanting to hang out with "Wendy". But sad sister didn't mention those things. Sad sister also should have expanded on the whole "husband almost threatened to call the police" incident as she didn't explain what exactly occurred. Was it just because she was crying and the kids started crying too? Or did she become verbally and physically aggressive? Again – more information is needed. It would be extreme to threaten her w/legal action when A.- she is family and B. she was only crying.
    It sounds like sad sister is a bit of a snob to list some petty examples w/out expanding on details and ignoring the fact that unless "Wendy" is a complete bitch or psycho – there shouldn't be a reason to exclude her.
    I do see that if "Wendy" anchors the group down with comments or lack of money – the sad sister should try harder to plan more ahead of time so "Wendy" can save for the outing AND the sad sister and rest of the ladies should have a higher tolerance for those who are (gasp!) different and poor. Maybe if "Wendy" commented on something that the rest disagrees with or some wacky statement that doesn't make sense to them or the sad sister – then lightly discuss it and ask about "Wendy's" point of view. Don't press on – don't say anything bitchy back or roll the eyes – I've been there and its uncomfortable to be in "Wendy's" spot.
    Also, I get it if "Wendy" is extreme in her ways -if she happens to have aggressive comments or if her behavior is publicly upsetting. It's not fun to be around and in that case and I understand that, as well. Sooner or later people start associating the sad sister w/"Wendy" and as many people say it's mean and unfair – it's a reality with many people. Sad sister ends up being alone b/c no one wants to be around "Wendy". I've seen this so many times – it happens. Guilty by association – I'm sure you have all heard that statement before! For the ones who are going to refute that – go ahead, but it's still a reality – people will judge, people will be non-church goers and people will be poor. And etc., etc…..I have read all the idealistic comments on here and do agree but to a certain extent. There is a reality about human assumptions and behavior that grounds us and has much truth w/the society we live in. I could go on – but to sum it up again – we need more information on both "Wendy" and the sad sister. We also need more detailed examples of why "Wendy" is left out and why the sad sister and the other ladies feel that it is justified to not invite her anywhere and have the husband threaten legal action against a seemingly struggling family member that just wants to be included and be loved.

    • Katie Sears says:

      I agree. Amy doesn't really know the whole story … only what sad sister could fit in the letter. And to call sad a "horrible person" is inexcusable. Amy had no right to do that. She didn't offer guidance, she just assumed and judged sad sister. She summed up and characterized her without really knowing her. Not everyone fits in everywhere. That's why I suggested two outings. One including Wendy and one not so the ladies could enjoy the reason they get together in the first place.

  24. Michele says:

    It's people like the "sad sister"'s sister that make me not want to go to church. What happened to the whole "Do unto others" and other things her religion should have taught her. Just because you go to church every week does not make you a good person. If she feels that the sister doesn't fit in with the rest, she could find something that they could do together. If she can afford all these things, she could take her somewhere every once in a while and buy her something. My elderly neighbor couldn't afford to go mall shopping, so some weekends I would take her out to yard sales & buy her some stuff. It sounds like this chick doesn't really care, she just wants some1 to validate her & say she's not a bad person. Family should come first whether you like them or not.

  25. Dianna Dorrs says:

    Another consideration is that Sad Sister is now wracked with guilt that Wendy has essentially cut her out of her life and she is angry about this. We all know the same old story of sibling rivalry. There is always one little chick in the henhouse that the others turn upon and peck to death, warranted or not. Not every family has a black sheep, but so many do. The phenomenon usually lies in parental dysfunction, favoring and disfavoring one sibling over another, or others, and the entitled sibling feels entitled to shit all over the other.

    Does anyone get the feeling that this is either a closed religous society or a small, isolated town, an ethnic community like 1st or 2nd generation immigrnants? I am smelling a closed system here. That Wendy might have more at stake, and her social life either by geography or by culture or religion that being excluded from this family trip has greater stakes for Wendy than a simple shopping trip, this group of women might be really her entire world. I was watching an episode about Irish Traveller women and their clannish communities and how their society functions, these kind of events would be everything. It would explain why they might look down on a divorce or a working divorced mother. It's just a thought. Perhaps there is much, much more to this story than excluding her from shopping, she might symbolically feel excluded from a whole way of life.

  26. Dianna Dorrs says:

    Another consideration is that Sad Sister is now wracked with guilt that Wendy has essentially cut her out of her life and she is angry about this. We all know the same old story of sibling rivalry. There is always one little chick in the henhouse that the others turn upon and peck to death, warranted or not. Not every family has a black sheep, but so many do. The phenomenon usually lies in parental dysfunction, favoring and disfavoring one sibling over another, or others, and the entitled sibling feels entitled to shit all over the other.

  27. Katie Sears says:

    I'm not sure I agree with Amy on this one. A better response would have been to tell sad sister to maybe have two outings … one including Wendy and one not. Why should those ladies have to give up their shopping plans and be unable to talk amongst themselves in their usual manner? Having Wendy along would totally change their get-togethers and more than likely take the fun out of them. Amy doesn't really know the whole story, only what sad sister was able to fit into the letter. For Amy to just assume that inviting Wendy wouldn't put a damper on a ritual they've been enjoying for years is unrealistic. They very things these ladies enjoy and get together for, would be out the window. Why should they have to give that up?

  28. Laughalotgirl says:

    The most hypocritical people that I know are church goers. The God I believe in teaches kindness, love, forgiveness, shows NO JUDGEMENT and will do things to help others that need help. Because this sister has to work to provide for her family she is being condemned? Shame on you Sad Sister! You should be there for your family NO MATTER WHAT! God is there for you no matter what! "Wendy" has every right to be upset about this. I hope and pray that "Wendy" can forgive her sisters/family for how they are treating HER! Sad Sister, you should pray to ask for forgiveness yourself. No one should feel the way that you have made your sister feel.

  29. Another Wendy says:

    Somehow, I feel like "Sad" did "Wendy" the biggest favor of her life. "Sad" showed "Wendy" who she was, again, and this time Wendy finally believed her.

    Note to Wendy: move on! See the best pain specialist your insurance allows. Join a single parents support group. Seek out other single moms at your church who might understand your life as mom AND dad and the person who brings home the bacon and fries it up in a pan. Let those female relatives focus their lives on their newest bathroom remodel and their designer purses and don't ever try to join them again, ignore them. Try meetup.com or something like that and meet people who share an interest or a hobby. If you don't have a hobby, read widely and something will click. Spend quality time with your child. Reduce time with your relatives if you have to. You have more important things to do. Remember–someday, your sister may "get it." Her good health might not hold up forever. Sad might even need a kidney someday–something that no money can buy–and you might be her only match. And hey–with your kidney in her body, there would be a piece of you at their annual trip after all how ironic!

    One of Sad's children might end up being a single parent through no fault of their own. One of your kids might grow up to have mental health problems much more severe than just your sister crying on someone's doorstep out of grief of being excluded by relatives she wanted to be with during a trying few years of her life. One day you might find yourself blowing your stack on your own kids much worse than just little kids seeing their auntie cry because of something you did to hurt her. You'll hear words pouring out of you you won't believe you'd ever say.

    Sad's husband could leave her or keel over with a heart attack at age 45 and Sad might find herself overwhelmed. When that happens, Wendy, forgive her, for Sad knew not what she did.

    You will be strong enough to be there for her, Wendy, and because you love her or you wouldn't have wanted to be with her in the first place.

    Don't let your heart grow bitter, Wendy, but smile, hold your head high, and move on! When life gets back on track, the best way to ease the bitterness is to help others. Pay it forward!

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