July 3, 2021

The Teargasm: the Orgasm we don’t talk about, but Should.


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In orgasms there is something that we don’t always mention, and it’s an important experience, for men and women.

We could talk about all the different kinds of orgasms women, and men, can have. Many people I (and I’m sure many other practitioners) work with, learn how to have these different experiences.

But they can also be confusing—because we’ve been taught that orgasms are supposed to be about pleasure.

I’m going to digress for a moment: when we start exploring our sexual energy we learn how different these two things are. Especially when we’ve made orgasm the goal, the criterion by which we judge our sexual experience. That’s not to say that orgasms are not pleasurable, there’s just a whole lot more. When our attention is on pleasure and energy, we begin to see, feel, and experience the difference.

Back to the orgasm we don’t talk about a lot: The Teargasm.

I’ve been doing and teaching sexual energy bodywork for over 20 years.

The first time I experienced a Teargasm, with a woman I was working with, I was amazed at the power of it.

We had started with a massage that went into a yoni massage. It was deeply relaxing, bringing her into her body, and allowing energy to start building and moving. The yoni massage added the sexual energy element. Every touch was about building energy in her body. The orgasm was intense.

And a few moments afterwards, the tears came. And came. And came.

Sobbing, body shaking.

A release that went on and on.

When her body settled, we spoke about what she’d experienced.

She was aware of some of what she let go of, but a lot of it she wasn’t.

It was just releasing from a place inside that doesn’t have words. The emotions, hurt, and pain, we’ve held onto for so long, maybe more than this lifetime.

Not long after that, I had my own experience.

It was with a lover and we’d had a few hours of intimate touch, play, and talking. I felt so open.

I remember so clearly that we were making love, and I felt my orgasm building from deep in my body, then with a surprise the energy shot up my spine, my head snapped back, my throat opened, and my heart melted.

The energy settled after a while, we lay together, and then the tears came, a sob that ripped through me.

I knew some of what I cried about, and a lot, I didn’t.

Our sexuality and our sexual energy is a path to so many things.

There is such power in this, in our bodies, in our genitals, in our hearts.

When we become aware of this, when we start understanding that our sexuality and our pleasure is a portal, a doorway, a key.

In the conscious expression of this, in the learning, in the practice, we start to see the possibilities.

And we start to experience them.

And this is where it is, in the experience.

In taking time to learn how patterned and conditioned we are.

In taking time to come to awareness of how we can have different experiences.

In being constant on the path, constant with ourselves.

In the willingness to be open, to be vulnerable, and then to be more open, more open, and more open.

To be in our hearts.

For our sexuality to be in our hearts.

Over time I’ve seen men and women have these experiences, Teargasms.

On workshops, at home, in sessions.

And what comes after, the peace, the intimacy with ourselves, the stillness, the openness, the being—is just a space of beauty.

Sometimes the tears are tears of love, of celebration, of feeling something that afterward people talk about being spiritual.

Sometimes the tears cleanse us.

Sometimes the tears free us.

Sometimes they’re tears of gratitude.


There is so much, limitless, for us to learn, to explore, to experience, in our sexuality, our erotic hearts, our vitality.

And in our beautiful tears.


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