October 30, 2021

“I’ve Done the Season & the Reason”: 13 Qualities to Seek in a Lifetime Soul Mate.


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They say we have more than one romantic soul mate throughout our lifetime.

Soul mates are deeply profound connections, because as the name highlights, they meet us at our soul level.

They can be long-term, or short-term, but regardless of time, they will change our life—as they say, for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. We will know when we encounter one of our soul mates, as they will touch us in an unforgettable way.

I have had two romantic soul mates. Both extremely different, yet there were similarities. What they offered me and how they loved me was unalike and distinct, and how I loved them was also beautiful but in differing ways and depths. We never love the same way twice.

My first soul mate entered my life in my early 20s. He came in when I was ready to meet someone and was like a warm blanket of calm. He was yin to my yang. He was comfortable, my best friend, and my family. We created a life and a family, and he gave me my two greatest blessings—my kids.

Dynamics change, beliefs change, values change, and we as people change. Instead of growing together, we grew apart. He will always hold a place in my heart as the father to my wonderful kids and the many years we spent together.

My second soul mate entered my life when I was least expecting it. He came in like a force of nature, a powerful ball of energy, that I was magnetised to. He was passionate, and I felt connected on so many levels.

He woke me up from the slumber I was walking around in. It was the best and worst of times, but he taught me some of my greatest lessons and reminded me of my beauty, my womanly essence, and through the painful ending of this relationship, I was guided to go within and heal. It has been the catalyst of monumental growth. He, too, will hold a place in my heart.

I will always hold love, compassion, and gratitude for these men. There was hurt, sadness, and pain, but there was happiness, teachings, and some of the most incredibly beautiful moments that I will always cherish. It is a blessing and a gift when you can do your inner work, forgive them and yourself, and trust you are exactly where you are supposed to be.

I know there’s another soul mate out there for me. I’m not looking and he will come when he’s meant to arrive.

He will be something just like this:

Funny: I want a sense of humour. Someone to laugh with who’s unafraid to take the piss out of themselves. Sing with me. Dance with me. Simply have fun.

Honest: tell me how you’re feeling, all of it. Don’t hide anything from me; I want to know, no matter how hard, sad, or ugly it is. I would rather you slap me with the truth then kiss me with lies.

Passionate: be passionate about life. About me. About us. Be inspired and do things with purpose and intent. Passionate about your health and well-being as I am passionate about mine.

Courageous: have the courage to speak your truth. Stand up for what you believe in. Fight for what’s important, for yourself, for me, for us. Be brave enough to walk away from things that no longer serve you.

Communicate: openly and truthfully. Say what you mean and mean what you say. Talk about the hard stuff. The scary stuff. The painful stuff. I’ll provide a safe and nonjudgmental space and I’ll listen. No distracting and no rug sweeping.

Kindness: be kind. To yourself, to me, to the waiter who serves you. Kindness is a state of being—real, genuine kindness. The type of kindness that has absolutely no expectations. Being kind is just who you are.

Compassionate: someone who knows not everyone is as fortunate as them. Who can look at those in difficult situations, or who make different choices and offer them compassion anyway.

Energy: oh yes, that feeling, that aura of another. Our energies need to be in sync; there needs to be an undeniable attraction and chemistry. Emotional intimacy and physical touch is so important to me.

Learn something every day: learn new things every day. About topics that interest us. About each other, what inspires us, excites us. What tickles our minds and what new experiences can lead us to a deeper spiritual, emotional, and physical connection. Always be curious and willing to discover new things about life, ourselves, and each other.

Vulnerability: don’t wear masks. You don’t need to pretend with me. I want the real you. The messy and raw you. I want what makes you happy and what makes you sad. I want you completely naked, no bullsh*t. Just you.

Do the work: be whole in yourself. Want me but not need me. I’m not here to fix you; I’m here to love you and be loved in return. I know you’ll have baggage, but unpack your sh*t and do your work and healing. We are two independent, interesting, passionate individuals who compliment each other. We are not our other halves.

Respect: I will have boundaries and I expect you will too. We both deserve privacy, and in a trusting and loyal relationship, I won’t need to check your phone or have access to everything. If trust is broken, we have work to do. Respect is the key, and if we need to check up on each other, we have issues.

And, of course, love: the raw and completely authentic kind. Best friend love. Family love, but most importantly, an intense romantic love. The kind that touches your heart, tickles your soul, and colours messily outside the lines. The kind that kisses you on the back of the neck, slaps you on the ass, and throws you amorously on the bed. The kind that whispers I love you and holds your hand whilst watching a movie. The kind that looks after you when you are sick and holds you when you cry.

The kind of love we all deserve. The kind of love that comes in when you’ve done your work and learnt your lessons. When you’ve been brave enough to step outside your comfort zone and let go of what no longer serves you.

Hey there, soul mate, I’ll see you when it’s time. I’ve done the season and the reason, so lifetime it is.


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