March 4, 2022

The Art of Not Dating: we Shouldn’t be with Someone to Feel Whole.


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The ding of my phone alerts me of a new text. I set down my curling iron to grab my phone.

“It’s Saturday night, you better have a hot date tonight.” I roll my eyes and place the phone back on its charger.

My evening plans include a quick stop at the ATM, a casual stroll down a few aisles at the local used bookstore, and a comfortable seat at my favorite coffee house—by myself.

For my big night out, I even put effort into my attire, which included the most adorable yellow summer dress with a blast of flowers throughout, a light see-through cardigan, and strappy sandals.

But I don’t plan to tell him that. He is one of my closest friends. But if I tell him what I’m doing, he will disapprove. He thinks I should be out there dating and relating. He thinks I should put an effort into trying to find someone. He thinks if he sends me text messages to remind me that I should be dating, I’ll take his advice and find someone.

“I don’t want anyone,” I whisper as I stare at myself in the mirror.

But the fact is, that is not entirely true.

I would love to meet someone and fall in love, one day. But I don’t want to date. More specifically, I don’t want to date just for the sake of dating.

But a lot of people don’t understand that. I’m told that if I don’t get myself out there, I’ll never meet anyone. And maybe they are right. Or maybe they are wrong.

One of the main purposes of dating is to evaluate one another for a long-term commitment. My biggest problem with dating just to date is that we judge and are judged based on our appearance, personality, financial status, and other aspects of who we/they are. It makes me feel uncomfortable. Almost as if I’m being interviewed for love. I’m not good under pressure. And I refuse to compete against others for this position.

I want love, but not this way.

Deciding not to date is completely normal and even healthy. More and more people are finding contentment in being single because they love their lives. If we don’t feel like we need or want a partner, we are justified in that decision.

If we have no interest in dating, it’s important to keep in mind that there is nothing wrong with us, and not everyone is obligated to be in a relationship if they don’t want to be in one.

We really get to discover ourselves when we don’t have anyone but ourselves to answer to.

We may be in a place where we are focusing on our career, or on bettering ourselves. If we are happy, then we can stay single for as long as we want to.

There are tons of reasons not to date. And our reasons can even change with time.

I have made an art out of not dating. We shouldn’t feel like we need someone in order to feel whole.

I love myself every damn day. This includes telling myself so. Every time I look in the mirror, I say these words. It’s not about being conceited, I’m simply reminding myself that someone loves me, and that someone is me.

I take myself out. A lot. And I get to do everything and anything I want. I can also change my mind at the last minute without disappointing anyone. I get to try new things. I meet new people along the way. I’m living my life to its fullest.

I treat myself to flowers and other little things to remind myself that I am special. I seriously spoil myself.

I treat myself like a queen. Pampering is a must, because I deserve it.

I make myself happy. I feel so lucky to have found myself.

That way, when we are ready to date, we can set our own rules because the only thing we have to compare it to is the time we spent by ourselves.

We will date when the right one comes along.

We deserve nothing but extraordinary.

So we must date when we feel something for someone. We must give our time to someone who wants more than just to hang out. We must expect someone who plans a romantic night out. There’s no point in wasting our time on someone who makes us wait days for a response.

Spend time with someone who wants more than just sex. Date someone who appreciates you. Stay away from lazy people. Date someone who makes you feel excited every day. Be with someone who doesn’t ignore your concerns.

Learning how to be happy on our own will set the tone for what we should expect from a relationship.

It will shape our perspective on the kind of relationship we should enter into. It will form the guidelines for what spending time with someone should look like.

It will allow us to understand the type of characteristics that should be present in someone whom we want to spend our time with, which should include kind, loving, supportive, and caring, so that when we’re ready, we can date in the most extraordinary way.



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