June 1, 2023

Finding Love without Burning Out: a Guide for Empaths in the Dating World.

“Go where your energy is reciprocated, celebrated, and appreciated” ~ Unknown

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Being an empathetic woman in today’s modern society can be a roller coaster.

Empaths tend to experience more anxiety and fear as they are prone to picking up other people’s energies. Because empaths have heightened sensitivity and deep emotions in an overstimulating world, it can leave most empaths burnt out and exhausted.

Don’t get me wrong. I believe that being an empath is a superpower. If you’re an empath, you have the ability to experience life on a whole other level than most humans. You get to live life on volume 10 when most people don’t even have the sound turned on. You are able to be an emotional human and notice even the smallest daily miracles which other people pass right by.

However, where being an empath can feel particularly challenging is in dating and finding love. Being a highly sensitive empath, my journey to love was nothing short of a wild transformation.

I avoided love and relationships for my entire young adulthood and into my 20s because I let my fear and sensitivity tell me I wasn’t good enough. I loved the idea of love, but I had zero confidence in myself. I spent the majority of my time trying to lose weight in an effort to be more desirable.

When I did enter the dating world in my mid-20s, I tried to hide who I really was. I used alcohol as a way to mask my sensitive nature, an effort to appear more fun and carefree. No wonder I was only attracting uncommitted and superficial men. I wanted to be liked by everyone because I didn’t like myself.

I found dating to be mentally and emotionally exhausting. I went on close to 100 dates where I was pretending to be someone different because I had no confidence due to my anxiety and sensitive nature; it was taking a toll on my mental health.

When I was feeling particularly defeated, I took a year off of dating entirely because it felt like a dead end. I wanted love, but the road to get there was challenging. I just knew there had to be a way to find love as an empathetic soul, and I had to start by loving myself, first. I was determined to date in a way that felt fun and where I could be proud of who I am.

So instead of throwing in the towel and giving up on love (which I see so many amazing women do unfortunately), I decided it was still possible for me. But this time, dating was going to be done my way. I made a vow to be 100 percent myself and only pursue relationships with men who aligned with my values.

It felt uncomfortable at first because I was afraid of being judged and afraid that I would face rejection. But I kept that commitment to myself and used powerful pre-date rituals as well as continually working on my mindset. I fell in love with myself first, and let life show me the way.

When I finally did meet my soulmate, it all fell into place. I met a man who loved me exactly for me, no hiding was involved. Our relationship continues to be the greatest joy in my life. Now it’s my life’s mission to help other empathetic and sensitive women find the love they desire.

It is possible to find love, in fact, anyone would be lucky to be with a kind and caring soul like you. I want you to find that love, so let’s talk about how to thrive in the dating world as an empathetic person.

These four tips were the path I followed and what transformed my dating journey from hopeless to healing.

Love Yourself First

The level of love you will experience in a relationship is directly tied to the level of love you have for yourself. And it goes deeper than repeating mantras and self-love affirmations. Self-love means you have a deep acceptance of yourself and your circumstances. Accepting the fact that you are where you’re at because of past choices you made and understanding that you get to choose what happens next.

Empaths especially need to remember that self-love is important because we can easily attract partners who just want to use us for our caring nature. Empaths tend to attract the “energy vampire” partners who love being around them and love being cared for by the empath but never intend to have a deep relationship.

When you love and accept yourself, you’ll be easily able to tell who truly loves you for you. You can decide to pursue relationships with partners who give the same amount of energy that you do. Self-love gives you the power to find the relationship you deserve.

Knowing Your Values

As an empath who desires a deep relationship, the number one way to preserve your energy in the dating world is to remember your values. When you are confident in the values you are looking for in a partner, you won’t waste your precious energy on uncommitted people. Sure, it may take a few dates to get to know someone, but you can save yourself a lot of stress and heartache months down the line.

Take out a piece of paper and list the top 10 traits you desire in a partner (that have nothing to do with physical looks or superficial qualities). List out why each trait is important to you; this helps solidify your confidence in picking a partner. Now go back and circle the top three desired traits, these are your “non-negotiable” values that your partner must have.

There is no perfect person, so having three traits you really value means that you can have some leeway on the other seven. Get clear on your values and what’s most important to you and watch your dating experience transform into an empowering journey.

Pre-Date Ritual

One of my favorite practices that I did in my journey and now teach to clients is to have a pre-date ritual. Especially as an empath, you want to have a way to guide your energy before you go on a date. This can consist of whatever brings you to a present mindset, I always included a visualization practice for how I want to show up on the date.

Here’s a powerful exercise you can do before your next date:

Self-Love Visualization

>> Set your timer for 10 minutes, sit in a comfortable position and close your eyes, place your hand on your heart, and take three deep breaths. 

>> Think of all the amazing things you have to offer in a relationship like kindness, compassion, and support. 

>> Imagine your most confident self: what does she say? What does she think about herself? How does she show up on a date?

>> Imagine this version of you on the next date, fully immersed in the conversation and putting yourself out there.

>> Visualize the date going well and you scheduling a second date; you’re excited to see where it goes.

>> Really feel yourself as this person, knowing that love is out there for you and you’re attracting love as you grow your confidence. 

>> When the 10 minutes is up, know that this version of you already exists and she’s ready to show up on this date. You got this! 

Honor Your Energy

Managing and honoring your energy is everything as an empath, especially in dating. With the influx of dating apps and literally hundreds of profiles to scroll through, it can feel mentally draining before you even meet someone! When you do the three tips above, you will definitely feel more energized as your go into the dating world.

Aside from having a pre-date ritual, it’s also a good idea to have a daily check-in with yourself. I personally love to use journaling to build a sacred connection with myself and my goals. Journaling is what helps me sort through all the mental chatter and be at peace with myself and my choices. Other great ideas to honor your energy are meditation, working with a counselor or coach, physical movement, and having a creative outlet.

As an empath, I know that life, and dating, can feel exhausting and hopeless. But with some shifts to your mindset and practical tools to help you feel energized, love will find you before you know it.

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