Chapter Two: Who Am I? Questioning Everything.
Can you find aspects of your reality where you have been just living it, but never really questioning it? Once you break free of the ignorance, there tends to be this newfound fascination with needing to know—and know it all. Sometimes that leads to a spiral of fear because you realize you don’t know, well, anything. Not to worry, eventually, within your awakening, you’ll get to a place where you truly don’t need to know because you already see yourself clearly, and understand that everything else is just a momentary illusion. ~ EA
“Who Am I?” One of the biggest, fundamental questions since the dawning of humanity.
The very beginning of awakening starts with these fundamental questions:
>> Who am I?
>> Why am I here?
>> What’s the purpose of life?
>> Is there something more than…this?
The very concept of “waking up” requires us to start asking questions, to begin freeing ourselves from the surface-level ignorance instilled in us since birth.
Usually, we get to this first stage of awakening through two different routes.
Route One: Blissful Questioning
This is the route where everything in life is so blissfully fantastic you become bored and complacent. For example, you could be 40 years old, have a beautiful family, a stable job, and a loving relationship. You begin to look around in your successful and abundant life and start to question things.
“I have everything society tells me I should have, and yet, I’m still unsatisfied. I feel like there needs to be more but I’m not sure what that ‘more’ is.”
It’s not a new car, a bigger house, more animals or kids. It’s the inner push to look beyond this physical world. At a certain point, this physical world simply isn’t enough. We long for a deeper and more meaningful connection to fulfillment. Since we have never been taught the concepts of energy, consciousness, or the soul, we become restless and unhappy with the circumstances given to us.
This creates the push for an awakening to begin! This is a much rarer and more graceful way to be pushed into awakening.
Route Two: Fearful Questioning
This is the more common route of awakening, and simultaneously, a much more difficult method.
This process begins when everything in your life is collapsing. You begin to have those huge “ah-ha” moments. Usually, those moments consist of thoughts breaking through your old programming, such as “actually, I’m not happy in my life/job/relationship/living situation,” “I don’t know who I am anymore,” “I don’t know why I’m here, or even what the point of living is.” Whatever it is, you could consider this to be your rock bottom.
It comes through these startling moments when we begin to detach from the false perception we have projected into our lives. Usually, that perception is a complete slew of old limiting belief patterns we repeat to reaffirm a level of comfortability. When we refuse to change because we are scared, that fear builds to a point where we become extremely disconnected from our true selves.
This route of awakening sucks…a lot. It’s shocking; it’s painful; it’s emotional, but honestly, it will help you wake up faster than route one. When things are comfortable, there isn’t this dramatic need to change. Route two forces us through an unpleasant change, but at least the change happens almost immediately.
The Denial Phase
This is a phase most people encounter throughout their awakening process. In the beginning, middle, or end, we attempt to convince ourselves that everything is “okay.” We don’t really need to change…this feeling will just “blow over.”
News Flash: it doesn’t. It actually gets worse the more you attempt to deny it.
The biggest proponent of the autopilot mentality—the thing that fuels it the most—is the concept of denial. Constantly telling ourselves we are happy is the biggest reason why the majority of society refuses to change.
“Why change, I’m happy…,” “Really, I’m Happy…,” “No Reallllyyyyy! I’m Happy!”
De-Nial isn’t just a river in Egypt. It’s a river we all have to wade through on our quest for the truth.
Regardless of which route got you to “wake up,” or even pick up this book, both directions lead you to my next chapter: The Incubator.
On a Personal Note
My collapse and transition came through at 16. I truly had everything a 16-year-old could ask for: decent grades, good friends, a supportive family. Although I had everything society said I needed to be happy, I was still utterly restless, anxious, and depressed. I got to a point where I would rather be alone than be with friends. The excitement of going to a party was clouded by the anxiety of feeling like it was all pointless. I would love to get new clothes to wear, and yet even that felt empty. I would go to the mall and get a new shirt, but it would just sit in my closet with the price tag on. There was nothing within the physical world that could give me what my soul was yearning for: fulfillment and spiritual connection.
Nothing mattered to me anymore. Nothing had validity, nothing was giving me what I needed. I wasn’t even sure what I was looking for; I just knew I didn’t have it. I began to question everything. I went to high school teachers, talked to my doctor, and asked friends at school, “what is the point?”
Really, I was asking, “What is the meaning of all of this?”
I remember thinking, “If this is it; if all life consists of is going to school, spending money going to more school, getting a 9-5 job, getting a family, then dying, count me out. I was desperate to find more to life than just what was presented. There had to be something more…right?
It was through this anxiety and restlessness and questioning that I was finally given the opportunity to explore the answers for myself.
At 16, my dad gave me my first ever past life regression. In an hour and a half, we went into around five different lifetimes. Lives where I was a philosopher, a healer, a channeller. In each one of these lives, I saw myself as someone who had the capacity to give back to humanity. To give something that wasn’t tangible or physical, to give something I didn’t even know I had.
I found out, through time, that my mission was to give others answers to the questions I was asking this whole time.
Past life regression taught me two things. One, that I was just the sum of all my lives rather than just who I saw in the mirror. Two, that time was an illusion.
At 16, I was able to actually see and go back to multiple entire lifetimes in just an hour and a half.
The asking for answers led me to the tools I needed to begin finding what I was looking for.
I went through the “blissful questioning” route and I’m grateful for it. It was a chaotic but also a graceful way of waking up.
Think about your awakening. How did you get yourself here, right now, reading this book?
It doesn’t matter which route you took; be grateful that you got yourself here since many others all over the world still need to go through this tough step on their awakening journey.
*The above is an excerpt from EA’s first book, You’re Not Dying You’re Just Waking Up.