I remember watching “When Harry met Sally” for the first time and thinking, is that what it’s meant to be like?
The female orgasm was something that wasn’t talked about amongst my peer group when I was younger. Thankfully, it’s a topic more openly discussed now, and there is a lot of information to be found with a simple internet search.
I feel as though society has accepted that it’s just as normal and healthy for women to experience orgasm as it is for men. And, the more open we are as a society to discuss and learn about this, the more women will feel empowered to enjoy their sexuality and experience increased sexual pleasure.
Through my own sexploration, discussions with wonderful, open-minded friends, and reading articles and books on the subject, I have learnt about the different types of orgasm that women can experience—from the most well-known, achieved through external clitoral stimulation, to the mind-blowing, all-in-one, whole-body, as described in Jenny Block’s book, O Wow: Discovering Your Ultimate Orgasm.
Of course, we’re all different, and while there are women who can achieve orgasm through penetrative sex alone, others will struggle to reach orgasm even after half an hour of direct stimulation. Most of us will enjoy sexual activity and experience a feeling of approaching climax, but unlike men who build to a point of no return and are then guaranteed a release, women are not.
A noise can distract us, a thought might pop into our head, or it can be as simple as the slightest change in sensation, and the feeling is gone—as is the potential of an orgasm in that moment.
This was recently described to me in the best analogy that I have ever heard on the subject:
“A woman’s climax is like balancing on a washing line. She has to stay on the washing line to reach orgasm.”
One tiny wrong movement or distraction and she will fall off the line.
Thankfully, we can get ourselves back up there. We might need a break, a change of stimulation, or to address whatever distracted us, but then we can refocus on the present moment, the sensations that we are experiencing, and climb right back onto that line.
Although there’s never a guarantee of orgasm, we can enjoy climaxing each time we fall off. This may even lead to a more sensational experience when we do achieve orgasm.
As wonderful, varied, and unique as they are, I doubt it will ever be quite like this: